Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Shoogie0 · Joined: 12 Feb 2007 Posts: 42

He wrote me an email which I'm posting rather than try to explain all the ins and outs. basically he never stopped calling since i dumped him OVER A YEAR AGO and he's convinced everyone around him that i'm the heartless bitch who won't give him a second chance Shocked

[since i still work with our mutual colleagues i can't avoid this] He says i'm responsible if he kills himself !!!

The situation he's talking about is that i finally allowed him to see me a month ago because he calls literally every day leaving 6 messages and my co-workers and his even his mom were like: "oh you don't even talk to him? he's so sad he cares about you" A few weeks after seeing him in typical P/N fashion he told me: "I thought the shoes you wore looked retarded" devalue..etc Then when i got upset -not because of shoes! but because of his classic way of pushing my buttons and insulting me, he spun it to everyone that i got mad b/c he insulted my footwear and i look like the psycho! i told him i didn't want to and couldn't talk to him because he always upsets me and this is what he wrote:

"thank you for informing me of your intentions to totally ignore me. Its good to know that all my efforts have been for nothing at all. My shitty little world just got a little more fucked up, all because I told you that I dont like cowboy boots. 1 little statement has undone all of my efforts for the past few years. Everything means nothing to me without you. You've said much worse things to me than what you said last week. I tell you how I feel, only for you to laugh at me and say "bullshit". You have no idea how hard it is for me to tell you some of these things- I dont understand. If you dont give a shit about me, why would you get so mad? I've been asking myself this. I think you got mad, because you still care about me. Thats the only logical conclusion I could come to. It doesnt matter to me who's fault what was. That's petty in comparison to the big picture. I said something stupid, you reacted badly- thats it, no more no less. There is no good reason why we should even be talking about that occurence. Its in the past. I love you, and now I want to curl up and die. You say awful things to me all the time, then laugh and say- "no you're lying, you dont care". YOU ARE ALL THAT I CARE ABOUT! When you say these things - I honestly would prefer for you to stab me in the torso, honestly. What you said 2 weeks ago was nothing in comparison to some of the negativity you spew at me because of your dis-belief of my feelings. I dont care about any of that. All I want is the chance to try. The chance to be happy. We are both so happy in each others company. I'd rather loose a limb than never speak to you again. The pain is already so great- please dont do this- please. I love you more than anything in this world- the fact that you dont believe me kills me- I never gave you any reason not to believe EVERY word I say. Everyone tells me you're being illogical, that I should give up. I know the first part is true, cause youre protecting yourself. I will never give up. That would be the same as giving up on myself. If I had it in me to kill myself I'd be long gone already- and I would have left a letter letting you know it was all your fault. Without you, I have no happiness. In my life it rains all day every day! I think of you, too much. I dont want any other woman. I would rather you end my life in a painful way, than stop speaking to me. Anyway- thanks for the email - now I wish I was dead. Getting mad is normal, expressing anger is normal. Not wanting to ever get mad at anyone, or ever express that anger- is not. And for this reason, you destroy all my hopes and dreams? Why?, I cant think of anything else right now- please talk to me later. I'd really rather be dead right now. Fuck, I'm sorry, but I have to call you later. SIMONE, YOU MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME. My entire universe is crushed, I feel like my heart just exploded. My worst fear confirmed- All over some stupid boots, and a meaningless conversation. You see me cry, and laugh- but you dont want to say hurtful things- so now you wont speak to me?? You saw the tears, and you laughed- without hesitation, thats a bit beyond protection, and borderline just cruel. I never did anything to deserve any of this- I cone to you truthfully, just wanting to talk to, and see you. I cried to sleep last night as well. YOU are the only woman I want ever!!!!!!!!!!!! Dont believe me, just open your damn eyes. Please. Please. I dont care how upset you get with me- I was completely crushed, I never went to see my father, and have not gone anywhere since then. I dont expect you to care. I dont know what to expect. All this time, I have asked you for nothing ,nothing except to speak to and see a friend. You feel bad because you got mad, yelled and said some bad things- well I stared out the window 12 stories down at the ground all night- wishing I could jump, wishing to end all this pain, or replace it with real pain, pain I could see, that doesnt make me want to die- but rather incites my desire to live. I live for you, so apparently I live for nothing- because you want nothing to do with me. Dont worry- I could never bring myself to jump, I know that- but I do wish that I could sometimes.Dont tell me why Im sad- or anything either, apparently you have no idea, or choose to ignore what you already know, and have known for a long time now. Sorry bout all this, I dont want to love anymore, its easier to hate- but I love you.
I LOVE YOU!!!! And this really kills me.. Please - just give me 1, 1chance.. Shocked

betterdaysn2007 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 47

I swear they are JUST ALIKE!!!!!!!!!!!! I could post the letter I got in the mail yesterday, but I think you just did! They NEVER change!!!!!!! Manipulators, I swear!

We KNOW we are not responsible if they kill themselves! If they were capable of love, I'd say they love themselves way too much to follow through with it anyhow!

Nolongerhisvictim · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1435

HE'S SO ICKKY!!!!
I think you got mad, because you still care about me. (Inflated ego)
Everyone tells me you're being illogical, (You're the crazy one)
YOU are the only woman I want ever!!!!!!!!!!!! (Until we are together and I need more NS)

He is either EXTREMELY co dependent or just a babblng liar...either way, get rid of him. His talking about killing himself...will never happen...people who kill themselves do not talk about it before doing it...He's trying to manipulate you...kick his butt to the curb!
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NLHV

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1398

You will ALWAYS be sorry you had contact rather than NO contact....thats how predictable they are....Understandable that his calls were getting to you but there are ways to NOT have him able to call....It's something you just DO if your serious of wanting N/C....Myself I'd rather do the N/C thing than to give ANY p just what they wanted...I highly suspect your p is pretty happy right now.....and the next time he threatens to 'kill' himself I suggest you offer to buy the gun Rolling Eyes

Sure wish I had done that...would if I could do it all over again...BUT he wouldnt use it....damn Laughing

It's just 'words' and they come easily to a p...If he would follow thru it would be NO ONES FAULT...EXCEPT HIS! Then too you'd have some peace Laughing

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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

femfree · Site Admin Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 655

Hi Shoogie. Please give yourself permission to stop this guy from contacting you. This is harassment by him. Block his email. Report him to his ISP. Stop talking about him with other people.

Keep these emails (if you insist on getting them) as evidence of his harassment. But do ignore him. He's crazy. You're on a site of mentally disordered people. You know what to do. Do it.

These rules (see Dr. Vaknin's article) are not rude, socially improper or mean. They are our lifeline. You are not being mean, you are protecting your heart of glass from his heart of stone. As long as he thinks he can get a reaction out of you he'll keep trying. When it becomes easier to target somebody new he'll do that.

Sometimes it looks hopeless. Abusers are ruthless, immoral, sadistic, calculated, cunning, persuasive, deceitful - in short, they appear to be invincible. They easily sway the system in their favor.Here is a list of escalating countermeasures. They represent the distilled experience of thousands of victims of abuse. They may help you cope with abuse and overcome it.
Coping with Your Abuser – Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse3.html

Even though Ruth is now married with children, and the relationship is long since dead, Johnny still texts her every so often. There's no reason - he just wants to keep her in his thrall. Only three weeks ago, she received a cryptic message saying "Can you FEEL it' clearly designed to try and create an intimate bond with her again.
So you may wonder why Ruth's eyes light up at the thought of Johnny. She admits it's because of his Jekyll and Hyde personality. "even now, I fight the urge to meet up with him. Being with him was like living in technicolour after a whole lifetime of black and white. The night I met him we kissed within minutes of talking, it felt as if I'd found my soulmate. We seemed to have everything in common, and he deeply understood every facet of my character. We'd have intense sex and he'd flatter me endlessly. It was like the strongest, most intoxicating drug."
Chapter: Setting the Trap -- It's not easy to persuade NPD sufferers to speak on the record, but self-confessed narcissist Sam Vaknin, 43, is an exception and gives Cosmo a sobering insight.
"As a narcissist, I am a consummate actor" he explains. "In a relationship, I’ll monitor your reactions and behaviour and mirror you so you’ll believe you’ve found your soulmate" he explains. “I condition a woman using sex and money, and by fostering sexual and emotional uncertainties, followed by bouts of relief on her part as these conflicts are resolved" But the manipulation doesn’t stop there "I also give her the impression I need and depend on her (which she interprets as deep emotions) and makes grandiose future plans. My extreme idealisation of her, and my demonstrations of unlimited trust, encourage feelings of uniqueness and intimacy. She rapidly becomes dependent on me- and a new narcissistic supply is born"
Excerpt from: Dr. Sam Vaknin, Author Malignant Self Love, Narcissism Revisited
Cosmopolitan Magazine, UK, December, 2004
Article: What to do when he loves himself More than You by Hannah Borno
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Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer;
nothing is more difficult than to understand him.
Fyodor Dostoevsky

Nolongerhisvictim · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1435

So you may wonder why Ruth's eyes light up at the thought of Johnny. She admits it's because of his Jekyll and Hyde personality. "even now, I fight the urge to meet up with him. Being with him was like living in technicolour after a whole lifetime of black and white.

That is EXACTLY how it is! That is why it is hell initially when we think of NOT being with them or NC is started....We feel like they are the source of our very breath! And living without them seems like an impossibility!

It is possible though...just give it time!
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NLHV