Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

The Compensatory Personality

Seeks to create an illusion of superiority and to build up an image of high self-worth.
Strives for recognition and prestige to compensate for the lack of a feeling of self-worth.
May "acquire a deprecatory attitude in which the achievements of others are ridiculed and degraded".
Has persistent aspirations for glory and status.
Has a tendency to exaggerate and boast.
Is sensitive to how others react to him, watches and listens carefully for critical judgment, and feels slighted by disapproval.
"Is prone to feel shamed and humiliated and especially (anxious) and vulnerable to the judgments of others".
Covers up a sense of inadequacy and deficiency with pseudo-arrogance and pseudo-grandiosity.
Has a tendency to periodic hypochondria.
Alternates between feelings of emptiness and deadness and states of excitement and excess energy.
Entertains fantasies of greatness, constantly striving for perfection, genius, or stardom
Has a history of searching for an idealized partner and has an intense need for affirmation and confirmation in relationships
Frequently entertains a wishful, exaggerated and unrealistic concept of himself, which he can't possibly measure up to.
Produces (too quickly) work not up to the level of his abilities because of an overwhelmingly strong need for the immediate gratification of success.
Is touchy, quick to take offence at the slightest provocation, continually anticipating attack and danger, reacting with anger and fantasies of revenge when he feels himself frustrated in his need for constant admiration.
Is self-conscious, due to a dependence on approval from others.
Suffers regularly from repetitive oscillations of self-esteem.
Seeks to undo feelings of inadequacy by forcing everyone's attention and admiration upon himself.
May react with self-contempt and depression to the lack of fulfillment of his grandiose expectations.
Speculative Diagnostic Criteria for Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A pervasive pattern of self-inflation, pseudo-confidence, exhibitionism, and strivings for prestige, that compensates for feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, as indicated by the following:

Pseudo-confidence compensating for an underlying condition of insecurity and feelings of helplessness.
Pretentiousness, self-inflation.
Exhibitionism in the pursuit of attention, recognition, and glory.
Strivings for prestige to enhance self-esteem.
Deceitfulness and manipulativeness in the service of maintaining feelings of superiority.
Idealization in relationships.
Fragmentation of the self: feelings of emptiness and deadness.
A proud, hubristic disposition.
Hypochondriasis
Substance abuse.
Self-destructiveness.
Narcissistic Personality Type

The basic trait of the Narcissistic Personality Type is a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.

The Narcissistic Personality Type:

Reacts to criticism with feelings of rage, shame, or humiliation.
Is interpersonally exploitive: takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends.
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance.
Believes that his problems are unique and can be understood only by other special people.
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
Has a sense of entitlement: an unreasonable expectation of especially favorable treatment.
Requires much attention and admiration of others.
Lacks empathy: fails to recognize and experience how others feel.
Is preoccupied with feelings of envy
There are three "basic" types of narcissists:

The offspring of neglecting parents – They resort to narcissism as the predominant object relation (with themselves as the exclusive object).

The offspring of doting or domineering parents (often narcissists themselves) – They internalized their parents' voices in the form of a sadistic, ideal, immature Superego and spend their lives trying to be perfect, omnipotent, omniscient and to be judged "a success" by these parent-images and their later representations (authority figures).

The offspring of abusive parents – They internalize the abusing, demeaning and contemptuous voices and spend their lives in an effort to elicit "counter-voices" from their human environment and thus to extract a modicum of self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

All three types exhibit recursive, recurrent and Sisyphean failures. (In Greek legend Sisyphus was punished in Hades for his misdeeds in life by being condemned eternally to roll a heavy stone up a hill. As he neared the top, the stone rolled down again, so that his lab our was everlasting and futile). Shielded by their defense mechanisms, they constantly gauge reality wrongly, their actions and reactions become more and more rigid and ossified and the damage inflicted by them on themselves and on others ever greater.

The narcissistic parent seems to employ a myriad of primitive defenses in his dealings with his children. Splitting – idealizing the child and devaluing him in cycles, which reflect the internal dynamics of the parent rather than anything the child does. Projective-Identification – forcing the child into behaviors and traits, which reflect the parents' fears regarding himself or herself, his or her self-image and his or her self-worth. This is a particularly powerful and pernicious mechanism. If the narcissist parent fears his own deficiencies ("defects"), vulnerability, perceived weaknesses, susceptibility, gullibility, or emotions – he is likely to force the child to "feel" these rejected and (to him) repulsive emotions, to behave in ways strongly abhorred by the parent, to exhibit character traits the parent strongly rejects in himself.

The child, in a way, becomes the "trash bin" of the parents' inhibitions, fears, self-loathing, self-contempt, perceived lack of self-worth, sense of inadequacy, rejected traits, repressed emotions, failures and emotional reticence. Coupled with the parent's treatment of the child as the parent's extension, it serves to totally inhibit the psychological growth and emotional maturation of the child. The child becomes a reflection of the parent – a vessel through which the parent experiences and realizes himself for better (hopes, aspirations, ambition, life goals) and for worse (weaknesses, "undesirable" emotions, "negative" traits). A host of other, simpler, defense mechanisms employed by the parent are likely to obscure the predominant use of projective identification: projection, displacement, intellectualization, depersonalization. Relationships between such parents and their progeny easily deteriorate to sexual or other modes of abuse because there are no functioning boundaries between them.

It seems that the child's reaction to a narcissistic parent can be either accommodation and assimilation or rejection.

Accommodation and Assimilation

The child accommodates, idealizes and internalizes the Primary-Object successfully. This means that the child's "internal voice" is narcissistic and that the child tries to comply with its directives and with its explicit and perceived wishes. The child becomes a masterful provider of Narcissistic-Supply, a perfect match to the parent's personality, an ideal source, an accommodating, understanding and caring caterer to all the needs, whims, mood swings and cycles of the narcissist, an endurer of devaluation and idealization with equanimity, a superb adapter to the narcissist's world view, in short: the ultimate extension. This is what we call an "inverted-narcissist".

We must not neglect the abusive aspect of such a relationship. The narcissistic parent always alternates between idealization of his progeny and its devaluation. The child is likely to internalize the devaluing, abusive, demeaning, berating, diminishing, minimizing, upbraiding, chastising voices. The parent (or caregiver) goes on to survive inside the adult (as part of a sadistic and ideal Superego and an unrealistic Ego-Ideal, to resort to psychoanalytic parlance). These are the voices that inhibit the development of reactive-narcissism, the child's defense mechanism.

The child turned adult maintains these traits. He keeps looking for narcissists in order to feel whole, alive and wanted. He wishes to be treated by a narcissist narcissistically (what others would call abuse is, to him or her, familiar and constitutes Narcissistic-Supply). To him, the narcissist is a Source of Supply (primary or secondary) and the narcissistic behaviors constitute Narcissistic-Supply. He feels dissatisfied, empty and unloved if not loved by a narcissist.

The roles of Primary-Source of Narcissistic-Supply ‘PSNS" and Secondary-Source of Narcissistic- Supply "SSNS" are reversed. To the inverted-narcissist, a spouse is a Source of Primary-Supply.

The other reaction to the narcissistic parent is:

Rejection

The child may react to the narcissism of the Primary-Object with a peculiar type of rejection. He develops his own narcissistic personality, replete with grandiosity and lack of empathy – but his personality is antithetical to the personality of the narcissistic parent. If the parent were a somatic narcissist – he is likely to be a cerebral one, if his father prided himself being virtuous – he is sinful, if his mother bragged about her frugality, he is bound to flaunt his wealth.

The narcissist tries to merge with an idealized but badly internalized object. He does so by "digesting" the meaningful others in his life and transforming them into extensions of his self. He employs various techniques to achieve this. To the "digested" this is the crux of the harrowing experience called "living with a narcissist".

The "inverted narcissist" "IN," on the other hand, does not attempt, except in fantasy or in dangerous, masochistic sexual practice, to merge with an idealized external object. This is because he so successfully internalized the narcissistic Primary-Object to the exclusion of all else. The "IN" feels ill at ease in a relationship with a non-narcissist because it is unconsciously perceived by him to be "betrayal," "cheating," an abrogation of the exclusivity clause he had with the narcissistic Primary-Object.

This is the big difference between narcissists and their inverted version. The former rejected the Primary-Object in particular (and object relations in general) in favor of a handy substitute: themselves.

The "IN" accepted the (narcissist) Primary-Object and internalized it – to the exclusion of all others (unless they are perceived by him to be faithful renditions, replicas of the narcissistic Primary-Object).

Criterion One


The "IN" possesses a rigid sense of lack of self-worth.

The narcissist has a badly regulated sense of self-worth. However this is not conscious. He goes through cycles of self-devaluation (and experiences them as dysphoria). The "IN's" sense of self-worth does not fluctuate. It is rather stable – but it is very low. Whereas the narcissist devalues others – the ‘IN" devalues himself as an offering, a sacrifice to the narcissist. The "IN" preempts the narcissist by devaluing himself, by actively devaluing his own achievements, or talents. The "IN" is exceedingly distressed when singled out because of actual achievements or demonstration of superior skills.

The inverted narcissist is compelled to filter all of his narcissistic needs through the primary narcissist in their lives. No independence is permitted. The "IN" feels amplified by the narcissist's commentary (because nothing can be accomplished by the invert without the approval of a primary narcissist in their lives).

Criterion Two

Pre-occupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance and beauty or of an ideal of love.

With the narcissist, the dissonance exists on two levels:

Between the unconscious feeling of lack of stable self-worth and the grandiose fantasies and between the grandiose fantasies and reality (the Grandiosity-Gap).

In comparison, the inverted narcissist can only vacillate between lack of self-worth and reality. No grandiosity is permitted, except in dangerous, forbidden fantasy. This shows that the invert is psychologically incapable of fully realizing their inherent potentials without a primary narcissist to filter the praise, adulation or accomplishments through. They must have someone to whom praise can be redirected. The dissonance between the "IN's" certainty of self-worthlessness and genuine praise that cannot be deflected is likely to emotionally derail the inverted narcissist every time.

Criterion Three

Believes that he is absolutely un-unique and un-special (i.e., worthless and not worthy of merger with the fantasized ideal) and that no one at all could understand him because he is innately unworthy of being understood. The "IN" becomes very agitated the more one tries to understand him because that also offends against his righteous sense of being properly excluded from the human race.

A sense of worthlessness is typical of many other personality disorders (and the feeling that no one could ever understand them). The narcissist himself endures prolonged periods of self-devaluation, self-deprecation and self-effacement. This is part of the Narcissistic-Cycle. In this sense, the inverted narcissist is a partial-narcissist in that he is permanently fixated in a part of the narcissist wheel, never to experience its complementary half: the narcissistic grandiosity and sense of entitlement. The "righteous sense of being properly excluded" comes from the sadistic Superego in concert with the "overbearing, externally reinforced, conscience".

Criterion Four

Demands anonymity (in the sense of seeking to remain excluded at all costs) and is intensely irritated and uncomfortable with any attention being paid to him – similar to the Schizoid personality disorder".

Criterion Five

Feels that he is undeserving and not entitled.

Feels that he is inferior to others, lacking, insubstantial, unworthy, unlikeable, unlovable, someone to scorn and dismiss, or to ignore.

Criterion Six

Is extinguishingly selfless, sacrificial, even unctuous in his interpersonal relationships and will avoid the assistance of others at all costs. Can only interact with others when he can be seen to be giving, supportive, and expending an unusual effort to assist.

Some narcissists behave the same way but only as a means to obtain Narcissistic-Supply (praise, adulation, affirmation, attention). This must not be confused with the behavior of the "IN".

Criterion Seven

Lacks empathy. Is intensely attuned to others' needs, but only in so far as it relates to his own need to perform the required self-sacrifice, which in turn is necessary in order for the "IN" to obtain his Narcissistic-Supply from the primary narcissist.

By contrast, narcissists are never empathic. They are intermittently attuned to others only in order to optimize the extraction of Narcissistic-Supply from them.

Criterion Eight

Envies others. Cannot conceive of being envied and becomes extremely agitated and uncomfortable if even brought into a situation where comparison might occur – loathes competition and will avoid competition at all costs, if there is any chance of actually winning the competition, or being singled out.

Criterion Nine

Displays extreme shyness, lack of any real relational connections, is publicly self-effacing in the extreme, is internally highly moralistic and critical of others; is a perfectionist and engages in lengthy ritualistic behaviors, which can never be perfectly performed (obsessive-compulsive, though not necessarily to the full extent exhibited in OCD). Notions of being individualistic are anathema.

The Reactive Patterns of the Inverted Narcissist "IN"

The inverted narcissist is liable to react with rage whenever threatened, or……When envious of other people's achievements, their ability to feel wholeness, happiness, rewards and successes, when his sense of self-worthlessness is enhanced by a behavior, a comment, an event, when his lack of self-worth and voided self-esteem is threatened. Thus, this type of narcissist might surprisingly react violently or rage-fully to good things: a kind remark, a mission accomplished, a reward, a compliment, a proposition, a sexual advance).

When thinking about the past, when emotions and memories are evoked (usually negative ones) by certain music, a given smell, or sight.
When his pathological envy leads to an all-pervasive sense of injustice and being discriminated against or treated unjustly by a spiteful world.
When he encounters stupidity, avarice, dishonesty, bigotry – it is these qualities in him that the narcissist really fears and rejects so vehemently in others.
When he believes that he failed (and he always entertains this belief), that he is imperfect and useless and worthless, a good for nothing half-baked creature.
When he realizes to what extent his inner demons possess him, constrain his life, torment him, deform him and the hopelessness of it all.
Then even the inverted-narcissist rages. He becomes verbally and emotionally abusive. He uncannily pierces the soft spots of his target, and mercilessly drives home the poisoned dagger of despair and self-loathing until it infects his adversary.

The calm after such a storm is even eerier, a thundering silence. The narcissist regrets his behavior but rarely admits his feelings, though he might apologize profusely.

He simply nurtures his feelings as yet another weapon of self-destruction and self-defeat. It is from this very suppressed self-contempt, from this very repressed and introverted judgment, from this missing emotional atonement that the narcissistic rage springs forth. Thus the vicious cycle is established.

One important difference between inverted-narcissists and non-narcissists is that the former are less likely to react with "PTSD" (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) following a relationship with a narcissist. They seem to be "desensitized" to narcissists by their early upbringing. Whereas the reactions of normal people to narcissistic behavior patterns (and especially to the splitting and projective identification defense mechanisms and to the idealization devaluation cycles) is shock, profound hurt and disorientation – inverted-narcissists show none of the above.

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