Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Freezerburned Heart · Joined: 01 Mar 2007 Posts: 61

I mostly post on the N board, because most of my issues are N-ish.
Today I am feeling stunned like I am surrounded by insanity.

I now live with my elderly mom, who needs my help, and I have been hoping that my elderly dad would outlive my mom so I could spend some time with him at the end of his life. My parents split when I was 7 so I have only a few vague memories of my dad back then, and have seen little of him during my adult life.

Well, that fantasy has been blown to bits by a phone conversation we had. He said that if his son had turned out to be gay that he would have taken him for a walk in the desert and neither of them would have come back. And he sounded so adamant, not like the usual reflexive "I'd kill him" remarks that so many people toss off.

I didn't grow up on the streets with tough people, I grew up in a quiet neighbor hood of church goers. It's difficult to believe how homicidal so many in my family are. My mother tried to gas herself, my sister and I when I was 7, is not apologetic, thinks I should feel sorry for her! My sister chased me with a chef knife when she was about 9 or 10 and I was seven years older, mom just laughs about that.

My husband put his hand around my throat 3 different times (during quiet intimate moments, not even in the middle of a fight. Why did I stay? well, I was so traumatized that I had amnesia about all of them). At a separate time he rattled off in one breath 5 violent deaths that he said I deserved because I was such a horrible mother because our son did $20. worth of vandalism.

My son said he would kill any girlfriend that got him involved in child support (even if it was accidently and innocently, not even meaning to).

Good Lord, that only leaves my daughter, and she has been a cutter (on herself) and is fascinated with violence. And her husband makes me nervous, he rages at the ballgames on TV, he even did it at their wedding reception. It's just so beyond normal yelling at ballgames.

At least I have two longtime friends who are completely stable, but both live far from me, and I just don't feel like talking about all this to "civilians" anyway. Not now, anyway. I feel like I need to check into this recovery ward for a while.

Echo · Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 7:47 pm Post subject:

Hi Freezer, Im really sorry to hear that you're going through all this. Until recently I felt just like you. We were surrounded by lunacy in the form of my poor long suffering husbands family. The old man was a raging alcoholic and psycho, the other son was a total pothead cum drunk, their poor mother was delusional and schizophrenic - arrghhh - lol, somehow I know just how you feel. Crying or Very sad

Take a deep breath and get a coffee or tea, sit down quietly for five minutes to yourself and remind yourself that the dysfunction is from them - not you. This malarkey is called Transfered Chaos apparently, its when the chaotic doings of this kind of family transfer onto us and get us all wound up and stressed. So that we ourselves end up in a flat spin, caused purely by the knock on of their behaviours.

If you read, I would like to recommend a book called "Soul Survivors" by J Patrick Gannon.PHD. It is the finest, most sensitive book on the subject of Adult survivors of dysfunctional families that I have ever read. Its kind and soothing - and it may answer even more questions that will put all of this seeming madness into perspective for you.

Sometimes it seems like their behaviour will drag us totally under - dont let them do that to you Freezer - you need to take the best care of yourself, and you probably already do - but Id say limit your contact with them to as little as suits you.

Take care, and take heart - hoping you feel better soon. Echo.

samvaknin · Site Admin Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2316

Question:

Isn't your definition of malignant narcissism too wide? Having read it, I think that it fits my neighbours, friends, and family to a "t". Everyone seems to be a narcissist to me now!

Answer:

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/1.html

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and AsPD (Antisocial Personality
Disorder)

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders15.html

Take care.

Sam