Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

What if you woke up one morning to discover that you have been in three consecutive, long-term relationships with Narcissists? Well, that is exactly what happened to me. I could never figure out why I always felt so sad, miserable, and anxious while with these men. They were not normal. They brainwashed me into thinking that the problem was ME, even though that felt wrong to me, I still bought it, because they were so GOOD at what they did.

One example of something that they all did, was their form of “teasing”. They all thought it was “funny” to rib me about things that I had no control over, things that made me feel bad or inadequate about myself. Whenever I would tell them that I didn’t think what they were saying was funny, they all told me I was “too sensitive” and needed to “lighten up”. Their idea of “play” was to make me uncomfortable. One even told me he loved to “get my goat”. His “play” would be to trap my arms when I hugged him, and not let me go. Or we could be lying on the couch watching a movie, but if I said I had to go to the bathroom he would trap my legs and not let me up. He liked to pull on my toes, poke me, or rub my head in an annoying way. I told him so many times that I didn’t like that, it made me feel uncomfortable. He always laughed. I felt like he was treating me like his kid sister, and not his girlfriend.

Another thing they all had in common was the way I felt like I was walking on eggshells all of the time, never knowing what kind of mood they would be in. Sometimes they would be funny and charming, and we would have a great time. Other times they were belligerent and moody, snapping my head off over every small thing. If the teapot boiled over onto the stove, one acted like his head would explode until I cleaned it up.

They all made a big show, in the beginning, of being “the love of their lives” and that they were going to “marry me and you will never want for anything”. I actually did marry one of them. One asked me to marry him, even told his family, but nothing ever came of it. In fact, when I got excited about it and started looking at bride magazines, he would get angry and tell me I was “jumping the gun”. The other one went so far as to propose to me, and he got the diamond that his dad gave to his mother. (they are divorced, she had it made into a necklace) He was going to have it set in a ring for me. Nothing ever came of that, either.

They all had a super-inflated sense of themselves, like they were big kahunas. They would all get incredibly jealous if another man spoke to me, even if it was a good friend of theirs. They all accused me, at some time or another, of sleeping with their friend, or asking me “did he hit on you?”

They all alternated between telling me that I was the most beautiful girl they had ever seen, and what was I doing with them, because they are such a loser, to telling me what a fat pig I was. They also alternated between telling me how smart I was, wow you really are a very intelligent woman! To telling me what a stupid bitch I was. Ditto for my choices of hobby/jobs. It went from “you are so creative!” to “why are you doing THAT? That is a waste of time. What, do you think you are going to be some famous artist or something?”

If someone slighted them, for real or imagined, they would talk about “getting them” in such Machiavellan terms and with such elaborate schemes that it frightened me. I really could not understand why they couldn’t just let things go. And the people who “did them wrong” were usually just aquaintences, anyway.

They all put a great deal of stock into others opinions of them. They would absolutely freak out if they thought their persona was being “dragged through the mud” or if they thought someone was making fun of them. One of them cried for hours, I mean SOBBED for hours, over a perceived slight from a guy in a bar. But none of them cried over truly upsetting things, like a parent dying.

Of course, I have to ask myself why I am attracted to these frightening people in the first place. They are very charismatic, can be sweet, charming and funny. The more I really look at it the more I realize, that aside from the marrying part, these behaviors are all exhibited by someone who raised me.

And that makes my blood run cold.

bumping

wow -- I am at a loss for words after eading your post.

Thanks for sharing that -- it must have been difficult to arrive at that conclusion

Yup.

you should read the ACON section. I had the same conclusion...my mom is HIGHLY self-absorbed.

But that is the first step to unraveling YOU. Look at the pattern that was laid for you during childhood, and you will get a lot of answers as to why you attract the people you do.

Good Luck.

The saying is that we choose people who remind us, or have similar characteristics, as our parent of the oppostie gender. In your case it could be the familiar traits of your mom. It sucks, but at least now you are aware. You are now equipped with the red flags, so Ns no more!!!!!

I sometime believe that my dad is a N. Although he didn't use drugs, he had an alcohol problem, he was abusive to my mother, self-absorbed, etc. Yeah, he's a N. I know i used to see similarities between my dad and the XN, but I always limited it to intelligence, abusive behaviors and substance abuse issues. Thanks, now I know!!!!!