Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Being with an N is an emotionally draining task and we all know that..but imagine if in addition there is a cultural difference? if the submissive one comes from a culture where standing up for your own rights is not only viewed as an ineffective tool but as a a mechanism that will take you nowhere, because no matter how much fuss you make...it just never gets you anywhere? what if, in addition to suffering financial. psychological and emotional abuse for many years you were away from your culture, you had to give up your family, and your loved ones were completely oblivious of the situation, what if you were away from friends your own language and own values trying to coexist with this complex and dysfunctional individual whom you think you almost owe him because he was all you got in an unknown environment? does that excuse the inexplicable need I have to crawl back into that cave that provided so much security but despair at the same time?

I have been out of it for almost two years and the dilemma only seems to get bigger with time...will I make it on my own? why do I want him back into my life if I know he is bad for my health? I am totally obsessed with this individual, I continue to idealize the "good moments" and the worst part is that I feel so used by him...my circumstances are really interesting and peculiar, coming from another country at such young age and being so gullible did not help the situation at all...now the aftermath is extremely painful, he's got the power the money and the unlimited funds to continue fighting me in court, and faced with uncertainty I question my decision over and over...despite all the pain and annulment suffered was that a better place than what I am facing right now??

some wise insight is highly appreciated!!

Hi Sunflower, Welcome to the board.

I'm moving your post to the main N forum because its presently in a Read Only section, and wont get any replies here.

I'm sure you will soon find the support you are hoping for now.

Hi Sunflower, welcome to the forum.

In short, I can tell you that given your husband was an N then you are definitely better off out of the marriage and please push all thoughts of going back to him out of your head.

It must be very hard for you facing the future in such circumstances, but you sound like you have survived two years without him so try and put things in perspective. I know that as time passes by the initial pain of abuse can fade into the background and in lonely vulnerable moments it can be easy to look back at what we believed were 'good times'. Faced with some pretty hard challenges in moving forward in our lives I understand that feeling that maybe its easier to crawl back to the familiar, even when it may mean mental, emotional and possibly physical abuse. But it just isnt the answer! Remember back to the abuse you must have suffered, what effect it had on you, how destroyed you felt. I dont know you, but I know you are worth more than that, I know you deserve better than that, no matter where you come from, no matter what your background, humanity dictates that we should not be treated cruelly!

Given what you said about coming from abroad and how isolated you are, how are you supporting yourself now and what support are you getting from others? Have you been able to develop any supportive friendships?

One thing I can tell you is you can make it on your own, certainly without the N. Just you need some support from the right quarters to make it through. Have you at any time been to your local women's aid centre to seek help and advice?

Sunflower, its good you found your way to this forum, you certainly will get support here and hopefully some good advice. I am assuming you are in U.S. so I am unable to give specific advice about what is available there.

If it helps and you feel able, post some more and read others posts. hugs to you and do stick around.

((((((((((((((((sunflower))))))))))))))

Dont look back,

You are doing great -- you got out! -- you will make it on your own -- we do!

The good times were probably only fleeting -- and were to hook you back -- its the not good times you need to remember and process and learn how not to step into a relationship like that ever again

Keep sharing

We all have these thoughts and are going through what you are

Hi Sunflower

If I may add my comments also although I am still with my N and can't speak on issues as others can.

I think it's normal to bring good thoughts to our mind especially when we are in troubled times, and of course along the way there may have been some good times - as you saw them. That is how we get hooked into the N's. However you are best to remember why you are out of that relationship - and why you want out.

In time other happy moments will fill your life and those unhappy voids.

Also IMHO I believe many look to get out - but perhaps not so many consider where to go from there. I think that this is a difficult period and in time the future will open up more for you, however you have to look towards the future and instigate what you want to see in it - and start living that.

Someone wrote something in this forum which I liked and it related to looking at all this in your rear view mirror. I like the idea of moving forward and seeing this in your past as you move further away from it.

Perhaps keep in your mind this is no longer about him - it's about you from now on. :)