Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 311 Location: USA

My children and I were recently involved with your agency for an investigation of sexual abuse by their father.
I believe that the caseworker who handled our case felt she was doing what was right and intended no harm, however, there are key elements that I believe to have been discounted and overlooked in our case that may have yielded a different finding, thus providing me with an avenue to better protect my children and try to preserve their innocence. I believe that preconceived notions may have played a part in how things progressed.
Additionally, I was stunned (and remain so) by the line of questioning and comments that I experienced during my interview with the third party that was introduced. I feel the focus was not what it seemed it should be.
I have spent many sleepless nights since mid-January in disbelief and fear about how things were handled. I do not have high level of faith in the system at this point because what was apparent to me was seemingly “brushed” away and I am left with two little girls who both said things, both display behavior that indicates, and one with a physical condition that points to sexual abuse.
I am proud of my children and the bravery I feel it took for them to say anything at all under these circumstances. I can’t imagine what all of this feels like to them. These events have been unfolding for well over a year (in addition to what I witnessed myself prior to 2004), and now it seems that all of their progress and the steps I have taken to care for my children during all of this have been in vain.
Despite the advice of my well-meaning attorney because of “how it might make me look” if I raise my concerns, I respectfully request a meeting with you to discuss what I feel has taken place.
I would appreciate hearing from you to schedule an appointment so we can meet face to face. I can be reached at
_________________
"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of people in your life."

H. Jackson Brown

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1404

I don't think you have anything to lose by sending it....just my opinion Laughing

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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

artichokeheart · Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 9:58 pm Post subject:

It's good, but I may consider spending less time on how you feel and more on specifics. I know you're probably planning on getting into specifics in the meeting (if they give you one!) but I think it might be good to go ahead and hash them out here, in letter form. Just a thought...
-Teresa

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 311 Location: USA

I thought about that....I had more specific items in it but I don't want her to go to the caseworker before she and I meet. I am afraid they will have time to come up with excuses and when we meet, I want her off the cuff reaction...does that make sense?
_________________
"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of people in your life."

H. Jackson Brown

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 311 Location: USA

Oh, and this is the first step in filing a complaint.....if they don't respond, I can escalate it to the Director and then if I don't get it resolved there, the next step is to contact the state management over them.
_________________
"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of people in your life."

H. Jackson Brown

artichokeheart · Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 10:17 pm Post subject:

That does make sense, I can see now why you left those things out. Not a bad idea. Just be sure to keep everything written out for your own sake so that when you go in to talk to them you don't leave anything out.
Let us know how they respond...
-Teresa

Tryingtohelp2 · Joined: 06 Mar 2007 Posts: 44

I agree, sticking to fact and avoiding perceptions and feelings. The stuff about how they're behaving now that is indicating to you that there may have been sexual abuse is gripping and I would expect damn near impossible to ignore.

Have you thought about getting them in to see a therapist for evaluation? My therapist specialized in working with children and adults that are sexual abuse survivors. You might even be able to get her to submit a written evaluation and to testify her finding in court if need be. My therapist is called to do that all the time.

Good for you for not settling. One of my best friends went to her parents about an uncle who was abusing her and her sister and per parents sided with the uncle. You're not just a survivormom, you're a SUPERHEROMOM!!!

Love Brenda

ocean · Joined: 12 Feb 2007 Posts: 320

Hello just my input,

I thought the letter was well written, however i think leaving out the feelings ,,yours and sticking to the case of protecting the children and how it was handled, how you feel the evidence was overlooked, represent it, give dates, and the outcome,,,definately have doctors evidence to support your findings and psychological assessments,

If you get no appropriate response, go to the director, actually to be honest i would go to the director immediately,,,you can request a review,,

I wish you peace and resolution about all this
ocean

Teri470 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 188

I agree with the posts. A very well written letter. I, too would leave out the feelings and leave the rest. Ocean might be right...skip and go to the Director. Save alot of time.

Isn't it great to be able to post something like this, get some feedback.!
WOW!! Very Happy

Good Luck! The kids are #1 Exclamation

sara · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 184 Location: USA

Dear surviormomoftwo,

I'm sure you've already sent your email since it's 10pm MST. But, I thought your letter was excellent. I admire your strength in dealing with the situation. Fortunately, my children are grown and I never had to deal with child abuse.

I like your signature. I heard another one the other day that reminds me of yours, it was "remove yourself from people who don't really have your best interests at heart". It got me thinking about the X and a few others they really have had alternative motives.

hugs,
sara

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 311 Location: USA

Hello! I actually didn't mail it yet because I was waiting for more feedback....thanks for responding.

Here is the problem. I am sure the person to whom I am sending the initial letter to is part of the problem, so I want to go about things in a non-threatening manner. I don't want to go all guns fired the first time and make myself look poorly because I am sure I will have to escalate things to the next level. Any more suggestions on how to tread lightly without using "I feel?"

Preconconcieved notion was that upon my first phone conversation with the caseworker, she said "We have to make sure this isn't a custody issue." Translation: "We have to make sure that you aren't making this up as a ploy to get full custody." (even though my kids made disclosures to two different people other than me).

Then, throw manipulative, now "Christian" psycho into the mix and he puts on the "she is unstable" act and is "full of hate and revenge" and they ended up not even having the forensic evaluator talk to him.

Additionally, all of the questions that the forensic evaluator grilled me on for 2 1/2 hours sounded eerily familiar because they were the very things my psycho would say to me like that I have major emotional problems because of my "past," and I imagine things, make things up, I feel I am a "victim" of my life...blah blah blah...basically made me out to sound like some pathetic freak...as I am sure you can tell by now, is far from the truth.
_________________
"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of people in your life."

H. Jackson Brown