Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

sweetcaroline51 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 529 Location: Canada

My sister is bi-polar. I have nothing to do with her because she is mean, selfish, hateful, manipulative, greedy and a liar. Medication or no medication, I cannot stand her for the reasons I mentioned so my answer is yes, I would abandon a 'friend" who was diagnosed with bipolar. I also abandoned my ex NP who was diagnosed with bi-polar. He was all of the above and then some.
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Caroline

stillsmilen · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 355

40 you said alot of things that bothered me. You made mention to how it's all his party, and you can't tell him certain things because that will set him off, etc, etc...

Is that how you want to live your life?? Dont you think you deserve to be happy and safe enough in your environment that you can say ANYTHING!!! And be in a relationship where YOU are just as important as him!!! Even if you dont think so.

Let me tell you... Your children sure deserve to be living in that kind of environment!!!

Life is too short to waste any time settling, 'dealing with' and not being in a GOOD situation, and to place your children in a situation where they are around a man who does not allow them to be important, is just heartbreaking, I will pray for them!!!

You cant allow yourself to be that desperate, your children deserve better. That's my opinion.

Cool

stillsmilen
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I made him very sorry that he chose me as a victim!!!
He may have knocked me down, but I got right back up... And kicked his a**!!
(metaphorically speaking ofcourse, but if he hadn't gotten the PPO, I probably would have done it literally too!!)

40fab · Joined: 10 Mar 2007 Posts: 22

Hey guys!

I've read your wonderful replies to my post. In reading your responses I quickly realized that I have NOT made myself clear - and I apologize. I want to first clarify that I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED. I must have made a typing error - my bad. I also do not live with this person. I wrote in my post that he lives in one county and I live in another county. We have never lived with him. I appologize if I made anyone out there feel that I belive in anyone staying in an abusive relationship. As far as me settling - I don't think I said that I was in love or that this is my man. I came into this group to read and share with others some experiences. My intention really was to share with others what skills I have learned whenever I come in contact with him and others - as I said in my post, I'm finding that N's are everywhere. I don not live with this person and I don't speak with him regularly. As far as my children are concerned they are both over the age of 18 years of age and have not been effective by any of this. In fact silly as it may sound - he's always been nice to them- go figure. Also in I am not comparing bipolar to NPD. What I should have said was that I try to understand others the way I need to be understood sometimes. It is true that I have experienced some of the things that others have have experienced with there N's. I've not been hit and I have not had to run or hide. As I said I would simply not communicate for long periods of time - I was not aware of NPD during those times. Is it possible that there are mild to severe forms of NPD?

I really did not me to seem like I am okay with NPD - because it is truly a sad state of condition - for all involved. If I have offended anyone please except my sincere apologizes.

Very Happy

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40fab

Nolongerhisvictim · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1380

Fab40,
I don't think you offended anyone, I think everyone was concerned for your well being and that typo didn't help...LOL! All is well!!!
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NLHV

40fab · Joined: 10 Mar 2007 Posts: 22

I'm sorry for your experience with your sister. And with your N. I am quickly learning that I have not experienced what others have experienced. I don't know if it is because I did'nt live with him or what - but I'm feeling like I have offened others when I stated what I have learned and how I go about things when I do have contact with this person.

Very Happy

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40fab

lemondroppr · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1427

No offense taken 40Fab. I was just concerned about you, from how I read you initial message. So, whew. I'm glad your not marrying this guy. Don't Smile

WindSong · Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:25 am Post subject:

No offense taken here either 40. I'm just glad that we read that wrong and you are not marrying an NP! Smile

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I Love Little Steven And That Guy He Sometimes Plays With.
Confused and Dazed Administrator. Email me if you have any questions:
windsongsharmony@gmail.com

stillsmilen · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 355

No offense taken, I'm just really glad you're not marring him, and REALLY glad to know that your kids aren't little and (if married) would be exposed to him on a daily basis.

I also feel your post is difficult because I know speaking for myself I wish my XNP had been the man he proclaimed himself to be, and there are times I wish our relationship could've worked, but then I remind myself, to stay with such a self centered, thoughtless slut of a man, would ultimately put my health at risk.

You ought to consider that too!! Wink

Matilda, I absolutely LOVE the scary movie analogy!!! That was perfect!!! And 40, Matilda is right, that's where we're coming from, I know I'd just hate to see you put yourself at risk.. physically (by catching an STD) or emotionally.

Cool

stillsmilen
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I made him very sorry that he chose me as a victim!!!
He may have knocked me down, but I got right back up... And kicked his a**!!
(metaphorically speaking ofcourse, but if he hadn't gotten the PPO, I probably would have done it literally too!!)

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1378

Well 40 I DID NOT run like hell when xp was diagnosed with bipolar disorder....I did the opposite...I went to classes...I read all of the books...I began a support group....I DID IT ALL...While HE...the one who owned the disorder DID NOTHING!I tried to pass on everything I learned only to have him 'not want to hear it' When I thought he was acting like he was skipping his meds I began to remind him or ask if he'd taken them only to be lied to and told yes....So I started counting them to have proof for him....After most of his Dr appts he would tell me how the Dr said I was HIS problem! The last straw was when he signed a privacy document stating his Dr could not listen to me AT ALL....nor could she talk to me AT ALL....What the hell???I was the only one having to live with his physical abuse as well as every other kind of abuse..not the strangers on the street he also treated horribly...ME....I had to live there or on the street.....and no one would help me...The nut held ALL the cards....I'm not calling him a nut because he had bipolar disorder....but because he refused the help that was offered....also because he is a PSYCHOPATH! My daughter was just diagnosed with a form of bipolar yet I dont see any of the behaviors in her I saw in her dad.And myself having a support group for bipolar spouses yrs back I know that women usually take responsibility for their disorders....take their meds and stay on them like they need to.Oh yes......I DID IT ALL...while he just did NOTHING!
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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1378

Also those with this disorder do NOT have ANY insight to their horrible behavior...dont have a clue why your upset with them...how their behavior affects others......I pray I never see this with my daughter....Her dad did have bipolar...no doubt about it....after our sons wedding when he made a scene in front of new daughter in laws family and daughter and I called him on it he went to bed for at least a week.....how is it possible to have any relationship with someone who sleeps all day and stays up all night checking to see if his currant gf has called? Like I said I dont see this in my daughter AT ALL and know there are different degrees of the illness....
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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1378

In response to something Swet Caroline said here....I have 2 sisters...neither are bipolar...Both are the meanest bitches I've ever known...Too bad neither one has any excuse for being what they are...other than EXTREEMLY unhappy women...I have absolutly nothing to do with either of them....Would definantly run like hell to get away from them.....BUT theyre NOT bipolar.....just fu**ing cruel! And their circle of friends is only each other Embarassed

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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

40fab · Joined: 10 Mar 2007 Posts: 22

Hey Matilda and the rest of y'all - wazup!?

Anyway - I tried to make a post earlier asking how can I read the 27 replies to my post - somebody hit me back on that - please. I want to tell yiou guys that I am realizing that I have experienced some of what everybody else has experienced but without the same intensity. Although I've known him for 8 years we've never lived together but we did have ugly, arguments and he did make ugly statements - but I would always fire back with the same ugliness and I would be quick to call him on his crap - but he never put his hands on me - 'cause he knows better- but as I stated in an earlier post I have wittness do and say way out sh----t to other people. Do you guys think that some N's know you to do all the way and who not to do all the way? Some ask how I cope with my bipolar---- I take my meds - I never miss counsling - I study the word- and I play close attention to what I'm feeling daily and what I'm thinking and why. I have a wonderful support group - I do spend a great deal of time to myself- Bipolar is a strange disorder - A couple of members wrote and told me that the individuals they know a "mean" That's very likely but for me whenever I'm feeling "bipolarish" I usually isolate myself
so not to effect or impose on those that I love. the meds I take help with mood swings - which can go from extremly happy to painfully said if I'm not careful. It is extremly mandatory within myself that I pay close attention to myself at all times - I have to stay watchful of what is manic and what is normal. I make list each day and stick to the list. I don't use alcohol at all. Maintaining daily living balance is also important- there have been time when my house stays in perfect running order but I'm looking like crap- Right now I'm doing great by utilizing the skills I mentioned above. Matilda, right now I'm working on me! It would'nt be emotionally healthy for me to position myself for the responsibilty of a commited relationship- I'm okay. I'm loving me and reaching out to others who suffer. I have bipolar- bipolar does not have me.

40fab Very Happy

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40fab

40fab · Joined: 10 Mar 2007 Posts: 22

Hey Matilda!

I was writing you a response and I hit a wrong key or something - and everything got wiped out. Anyway, I'll start again. I realized that my friend was a bully. I got on the internet and began reading up on bullies and led me to the topic of narcissim. I realized that my friend had a lot of the traits and characteristics. Then I understood just what was going on and why. At that time, I had not been in contact with him. Through alot of the articles that I reading - my nest communication with him was not as difficult because I had used the tactics I had learned from the articles. You keep making it out as though I'm in some ridiculous love affair with this guy and I keep explaining to everyone that I'm not.

I'm understanding Narcissim, I'm learning about where I've been and how I've been affected. Just because I won't allow a man to kick my a-- doesn't mean that I haven't live real life. I've come a long way - I'm simply sharing optimism. I don't have all the answers and neither do you.

I just wrote to 2 members who are really suffering the end result of living with men who are N's and not kowing what to do next. I've written to them both to believe in themselves love themselves and to treasure themsleves- That's what I have to offer. That was my intention, Matilda.

No, I did'nt live with my N - nor will I ever- and rather or not I'm intimate with him at this time or anybody else is unimportant, Matilda. Like everyone else I have a story to tell and willing to give suggestions of hope and love to whomever may be in need. As far as my reading "the word" as part of my personal way of managing myself - I was ask how do I manage- cultures, and backgrounds of others is not important you ask me a question - and I gladly answered you. It seems to me that you are in charge of this board. I will apologize to you Matilda for offering help- for being understanding - and for wishing that other have some of what I have gained for myself and that is love- and overcoming the many obstacles I have endured in my life- to include dealing with a narcsiistic person.

I will follow your suggestion and relinqush my membership. I am truly sorry for misleading or confusing anyone -

Smile

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40fab

sweetcaroline51 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 529 Location: Canada

40fab,
don't know if you are gone or not but I wanted to write one last post to you. You suggest that perhaps N's know how far they can go and with whom? Example, yours has never been physical with you>? If you do not live together, he is in another place, then what you are saying is obvious...how can he reach you if he is not physically present? You know, a good many of us also raged back at our N's..we did not all succumb to beatings. The very fact that we tolerated what we did means there is something wrong with us too. I believe all of us victims here agree with that. So, bipolar or not, you need to take a long, good hard look in the mirror as to why you would even consider accepting this N in your life. Helping others definately does not mean preaching how 'well you handle" this lifestyle." You are so not relating to anyone on this board, I have to agree with Matilda, what were you doing her at all? Once again, more power to you and good luck.
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Caroline

40fab · Joined: 10 Mar 2007 Posts: 22

Hey sweetcaroline!
People write me back and I can tell that some of us don't read some of the post in their entire form. If you would go back and read the reply I left for Matilda - You would see what I said I thought I had to offer and why. Am I not to be included because I don't live with the man? I'm I ill informed because he lives in one county and I live in another? Isn't limited to no contact routinely suggested? There ARE reason why I have to at certain times have contact with him - And I'm not going to explain those reasons to anyone at this time. But since I do have to see him on some occaisons -the site and the articles I have read I have found different ways and tactics to deal with him. And for what I have experienced and for I what I do experience - I don't mind sharing suggestions. And thanks for reminding me that more power is to me, babe 'cause that's just what I feel whenever I must have contact with him - 'cause I get there with the upper hand - and I leave with the upper hand- why? - because I've learned and I'm learning just how he thinks and functions as an N - I have the knowledge that he's an N - he does not- knowledge is power, baby - and some of the women in our group have been left devestated and feel powerless- they are hurting and confused to the 23rd power - That's why I'm here - to share-- to let them know that thet have all the power and all the control over their own lives.

Love to ya! Laughing

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40fab