Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Hi, I have only recently acquired an N bruv in the past 7 months, its already seeming like an eternity. ( Recent because he had been searching for me for the past 15 years, I was adopted as a baby)

Now the rosy glow of the saint brother is clearing and the true picture is showing through. One thing I have noticed is when anybody is talking about anything other than HIM. He starts to doze off to sleep ( or pretends to). It starts with the eyes glazing over, then they close and silence until everybody goes quiet and wakes him ( why we do this I don't know) We then get the long oh so long lecture about the hours he works, the sacrifices he makes and how we should understand all this. He is then raring to go again at another long conversation about all the wonderful things he has done, is doing or has yet to do.
It does not seem to matter what anybody else is talking about, can be real serious problems at times, he just glazes over then sleeps. Is this N behaviour or just plain rude.

Something else I found odd, is his bragging about the book he is writing, ( this has made my kids laugh) Its a Thriller with no edge of the seat excitement. His words not mine. ( My kids now call this the Iller because it has no thrill).
So far N bruv has been five months into the planning of this book, this involves several sheets of A3 paper that are spread out over a few tables in a fast food restaurant normally over a lunch time period, so people cannot sit and eat. I get to admire all these sheets of paper week after week, but so far, no story written just planning, he says its all in his head, but he has no time, due to work, family sacrifices, and why don't I understand that? He has also told me it will be an honour to allow me to create a few characters in his book for him, as I will know they are mine when his book goes to print.
I now do not think he has the ability to write this up coming best seller, and its all just bragging waffle. Even though he spends hours telling be how well educated he is, and how well read.

Is this type of thing normal for N people to do?

Sorry but he has so many nasty sides to his character, I am looking for something to be amused by instead of hurt all the time by him. Maybe I am just looking for flaws in Mr Perfect because I am so tied of hearing how overweight I am, how I don't have his standard of education, living, life. Mr perfect is the king of put downs in such a subtle way, I am always thinking, did he mean that?

I have spent 53 years reasonably okay with myself, then he comes along, and in seven months I even doubt my own name some days.

to me, yep.
keep you reye out for other behaviors. but he sounds like an
emotionally draining person. set your boundaries quick.
w.

Thank you Windinthetrees. I have already discovered the nasty side to this man, it came as a big shock and I am still reeling and dazed from the speed and way this guy swept into my life, loved me like the perfect brother then spun around and became dominating, a bully, picked me up and threw me away at his whim.
He called me every five minutes telling me how finding me made his life complete, then ignored me for days.

He treats his wife and older kids the same, and everybody pussyfoots around him to stop the next temper tantrum erupting. he punishes everybody with his cold silence and contempt for our many flaws, then in the blink of an eye is all over us like a rash to reel us back in.

It seems childish of me to be sucked in by him, but after waiting for 53 years for my own birth family, I was filled with happiness and a love that seemed so real for this guy ( brother) that was so wonderful, only to be chewed up and spat out by him.

I am so sick of my head spinning and asking myself how I messed it all up. Even though I now understand the type of person he really is under the wonderful mask he wears, I still am lost as to why it all turned so sour, and I still live in a hope that (I know is pointless) the real nice person will come back.

I am all out of apologising to him for breathing at the wrong speed, or the wind blowing my hair in the wrong direction or whatever caused me to irritate him at the time.

I am all out of buying him gifts to make him feel better.

I am all out of everything except bewilderment as to why?

But I now have limited contact with him and feel better for it. But I wish I could stop missing the false brother and move on.

be glad it was only 7 months before you figured him out. believe me we all know how you feel and empathize. best wishes.

Hi Just Me,
I think you are feeling the normal reactions of a sane person unable to come to terms with abnormality. I mourned the loss of my brother for many years , he has not passed away but I was not able to deal with the constant irrational behaviour so I stopped contact. It must have been very sad for you to have "found" someone and it turned out this way.
Just to let you know you are in my thoughts and you are not alone :)