Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

sorrow · Joined: 01 Apr 2007 Posts: 146 Location: Stavanger,Norway

My sis who treats me horrible called to me today,she said the finally reason why she treated me bad all the time,it is a family thing that happened many years ago that I´m not proud of. There was alcohol and drugs in the picture. She say it is 10 times dobble revenge against me. But I´m not sure shall I believe her because she have been bad before that too and she´s also bad to other,but not quit as bad as to me.

When I took the example where she said I was the reason why my brother commited suicide,she said I must not take everything the wrong way. She said that time that my brother thought I didn´t care about him,that that was the reason,I was 13 years old!

I told her we could have contact if she only would stop being cruel to me.She was agree if she could talk out about the family thing,I said I´m not interested in that because it makes me feel unwell. The she talked in a way that we didn´t have to have contact then. And she have never wanted to talk about it before,but now when I don´t want contact she say she wants it. I said I didn´t want to talk about it. I con tinue saying I wouldn´t be with her if she should be cruel and said why should I want that.Then she suddenly shouted out that NO,she had the right to treat me bad over and over again. I said then I can´t be with her.

She continue saying : have you been on that forum again now. You know you are a bit paranoid,she says and she continue saying that there have to be something wrong with me. And she used other people that have been bad to me to hurt me. And further that I must not take all things up the wrong way because it was LOVE! (the cruelty to me)

Then she started mentioned my exP ,but the conversation stopped in a way I don´t remember quite,I was so horrified of all she said.

Whe I told her that she in only 5 minutes have called me paranoid,say there have to be something wrong with me, then she said arrogant: oh,have you hanged yourself up in that now.

I got enough and said she could piss of, bad words but... Sad

I have asked before what I should do,she is cruel isn´t she? and that I should keep NC. I think she will not stop hurting me, she already did over the phone.... Sad

Sorrow
ps. I gave my sister a new chance and that we could talk it out what she wanted. She promise now to never be bad to me again. I said I´ll give her one chance.
Do you think that she will stop? I´m not sure...

dreams · Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 167

Sorrow,
It is AMAZING TO ME how similar your sister is to mine. Their game is exactly the same.

Your sister is trying to make YOU the bad guy to get herself off the hook as the bad guy. She devalues you and is trying her best to play head games with you.

She could not bear the "no contact" because it represents to her the end of YOU as her narcissistic supply and she probably feels as if she will wither away without YOU to beat up. She needs to do this to make herself feel okay. She is about having the power and she is about control.

A healthy sister would be for YOU not against you and a healthy sister would not use her sister to be about power and control. A healthy PERSON would not need to be about power and control.

It is a hard thing to do to not answer the phone......as it was with me FOR YEARS AND YEARS regarding my sister but in my opinion I think that you shoud not ever pick up that phone again. The last thing I got was hate "mail" from her daughter. You have no idea how I wanted to respond to the lies but I knew it was fruitless. The daughter was the vehicle through which my sister did her dirty work and hard as it was - I would not dignify that with a response. I am still so angry about it but I would be angry at ME if I once again fell pray to this horrible treatment i.e. took the bait.

Just your sister calling up on the telephone is her setting up the fishing net to catch you. Nevermind what comes out of her mouth. That part is the bait!

Your sister will never change. People like her never change. She is too mentally unhealthy. She is very SICK. It is very hard to give up the hope that maybe she would change and see you as a good person.......but she is too ill to change.

That kind of thing she says to you about your brother's suicide is terribly cruel. It is EXACTLY something my sister would do. Your sister takes an excrutiatingly painful situation and uses it as a WEAPON against you to satisfy her pathological needs. That is all that is about- satisfying her pathological needs. You have been her supply. This kind of behavior she acts out is not something a healthy person would ever consider doing even out of anger.

Only someone very very sick and disturbed would treat you as your sister did on that last phone call and all the other times.

It takes a while to be okay with YOU changing your ways with her. She will keep trying to suck you into her life where she can keep getting off on battering you emotionally or she even escalate her behavior which from what I understand goes on as well. Don't take her bait, is my advice.

I think you are doing well- gaining awareness and sharing your dilemma is half the battle and thus you are halfway there if not more than half-way.
Take care,
Dreams

sorrow · Joined: 01 Apr 2007 Posts: 146 Location: Stavanger,Norway

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 362 Location: Minnesota

sorrow, this will all continue until you get fed up and wake up and realize what she is doing to you. i have been in your place and so has dreams. i can tell you that she is a controlling, manipulative person and your instincts are right on. just trust your instincts. you have to start drawing bigger boundaries because she is not respecting the ones you have already told her. She is USING you.

For me, that meant NO CONTACT at all and it meant accepting that I have no one left in my birth family. She is dead to me. I grieved what never was there. I woke up.

You are waking up too. Its hard, but keep sticking up for yourself. She is doing some of this without you even noticing what she is doing. Very, very common. They get better at manipulation with practice. Sounds like she has had lots of practice with no one stopping her. Its up to you to stop it now, at least with YOU. Cuz you have gotta take care of you, right?

HUGS :>)
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

alamobelle3 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 615 Location: San antonio Texas

Sorrow -

Your sister would have blown her last chance with me

Treating me in that manner after I had loaned her money

is unacceptable - exposing me to drug addicts is unacceptable

This is not someone who has my interests at heart

Trying to pass off aggression and hositility as a joke is

unacceptable

I would forgo the money - considering it only cost me $_____

to get rid of her

I know it is hard - I cut my brother loose 10 months ago

he blew his last chance too .
_________________
illegitimis non carborundum

Ginger Rodgers matched Fred Astaire step for step only she did it backwards and in high heels !

Riccy101 · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 287

Hi Sorrow.

You're a beautiful person. How's about changing your screen name. I don't think it's fair to your self, to be called "sorrow". That's what your N's would name you.

Just food for thought...

Riccy

sorrow · Joined: 01 Apr 2007 Posts: 146 Location: Stavanger,Norway

Sorry I´m late replying, some days the site was suddenly gone and I didn´t find the way back. But now I´m here again. Finally found the site.

Thanks so much for your post to me Smile

I have talked to my sister again one time after last time and of course it was to lend money...AGAIN! She didn´t got enoyed or anything,just said she understood me. But she kept going on over and over again feeling sorry for herself that she didn´t have money even I just lended her much money. It´s now up in many thousands. And this on my credit card.
I´m so tired of her asking for money that I said I can´t lend her anything and I´m glad I did,I´m not a bank. So now she couldn´t go to confirmation invitation because she had used all the money, she had also given the drug addict friend some of them. She said she should call me later, but she didn´t. I guess it was because she didn´t get money to lend. She had nothing to following up.

I´m agree what you all say,it´s unacceptable trying to get me with an drug addict, even he now was free of drugs some months. It´s unacceptable no matter what. All what she do is unacceptable. I just don´t know should I feel sorry for her for her other problems. She have a lot of problems beside treating me bad. When she´s drunk she is running with all kind of men and at the same time complaing to her friend(a she) that she hates sex. I have heard it too, but still she make herself used over and over again. And she is crying. It even got so far for her one day that she had sexual contact with a woman. And she didn´t remember much of it and she was so drunk. She have no limits when drunk and she gets totally lost. After that episode she cryed to her friend and she say she don´t understand why she is sleeping with everybody, because she hates sex. Her friend think she feels she´s not worth anything. I feel sorry for her.

What makes her do this to herself. Beside this I´m considering not going out with her in the future, at least it have to be her that´s asking and she have to have her own money. Something she never have, so I guess I don´t have to worry so much about she asking me. It´s better to go out alone if I have too Wink

I´m not sure this will stop, what my sister is doing, I think that this pin code thing and all this was just to provoke me. Yesterday I visited my sisters friend(same friend) and she could tell me my sister have said to her she likes to provoke me. Because I´m doing well and so on..

She´s only bad to me when she´s drunk, she gets totally unpredictable when she´s drinking. Other have told me that she is bad to other too when she drinking. I know this too. But not the same as to me.

Maybe I should change my nickname,that´s true Very Happy

I have been thinking about it for a while, but never come so far. Let you know when I do. Will do it soon I think.

A lot of hugs to all of you!

Sorrow

alamobelle3 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 615 Location: San antonio Texas

Her drinking is a symptom of the problem - not the problem in and of itself . There is another problem that she is not willing to face or apparently do anything about. Her abuse of you and others will never stop until she gets clean and sober and faces her own demons and maybe not even then. Some of them are just too messed up .

Oh yes how they cry but the tears are tears of pity for themselves and she feels no regret for the horrid way she has treated you. Nor does she feel responsible for her own financial troubles.

Good for you for refusing to loan more money. I would continue with that stance until what she has already borrowed is paid back . She will
bleed you dry if you let her.

I am sorry - myxnh was an alcoholic and he hurt everyone he came
in contact with. Spent his mother into poverty and left me mired
in debt as well.

For your own sake I hope you can find the strenght to break free
of her disease and addiction.
_________________
illegitimis non carborundum

Ginger Rodgers matched Fred Astaire step for step only she did it backwards and in high heels !

sorrow · Joined: 01 Apr 2007 Posts: 146 Location: Stavanger,Norway

alamobelle3 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 615 Location: San antonio Texas

I am fine - xnh and I have been divorced 24 years NC about 22 years now - he could be on fire and I wouldnt p*** on him . Someone called
me earlier this week looking for him I just laughed and hung up .

Fine with Nbrother too - only NC about 10 months - enough is enough

After a half century think its okay to put me at the top of my own list.

Next time she asks for money it will be easier to say no and pretty soon
its automatic . When you think about it continuing to bail them out
isnt helping them but encouraging fiscal irresponsibility .

I think she likes stealing ow men because it props up her grandiose
self .
Watch yourself -- take care
_________________
illegitimis non carborundum

Ginger Rodgers matched Fred Astaire step for step only she did it backwards and in high heels !

sorrow · Joined: 01 Apr 2007 Posts: 146 Location: Stavanger,Norway