Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1465 Location: Arkansas USA

Dear Mel,

Moved on has given you some good advice. As far as your "stuff" is concerned, if it is really anything important or that you want, what about sending someone else to get it--so that you don't have to speak or talk to him. If he won't let them have it unless YOU come get it---blow it off is my suggestion.

As far as anything you have of his--I would pack it up and send it back by a friend to drop it off when he is NOT home. Wouldn't text him or communicate with him at all.

The other suggestion I have is to block his text messages, change the # or whatever you have to do to even keep from reading or receiving his messages, or just delete them without listening or reading.

He doesn't deserve the goo out from under your little finger nail. YUK!

Hang in there! You are on the healing track!
_________________
Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

melindasian · Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: Australia

Thanks for replying ladies

I hear you very much, and appreciate your concerns as to whether I would 'go back there'. I only have really about a quarter of my heart that would go back. The rest is being ruled by my head.
I have not seen him or contacted him again. He has sent other messages... get this... the party place called to cancel his daughters birthday.
As you can imagine he was in a spin, really "needed to hold me right now". Saw through that one, he just "needed" me to sort the whole poo fight out for him probably... call all the children's parents and think up an alternative.

I actually did not believe I would hear from him again after this D&D. But its really kooky that he allowed me and my truck to leave his house a month ago, and now he would like me to get my truck and return!!
I think I find this so bizarre that's what makes me realise it would just plain dumb!

Thanks for your continued advice and it is great to hear from people who actually understand what I am going through or what I have dealt with. So many of my friends/family just did not get it... as to why I kept going back.
But this one is the worst and the last.
_________________
MGx

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Mel I do understand the keep going back, I went back loads of times hun, but its like banging your head against a brick wall sooner or later your heads going to be damaged so my advice is stop banging head.
I think your doing great, just keep ignoring the texts, let him sort out his own problems.
I know how hard it is but we are all here for you, not a good substitute I know but we care!!! and understand
Hugs
Movedon
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OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1465 Location: Arkansas USA

Dear Mel,

He NEEDS you, because he has NOTHING inside himself, YOU do NOT need him. He wants YOU to take care of HIS PROBLEMS. He is not willing to take care of his own problems, so he wants a victim to do that for him.

Great deal for him. YOu take care of his problems. YOu take care of YOUR problems, He doesn't have to do anything.

And, for your trouble, he will abuse you. Yep, GREAT deal! NOT!

The less you have to do with him the better for you, and the more he will escalate his efforts to SUCK YOU BACK IN....oh, jbaby, I need you, I love you, etc etc. VOMIT! Don't for one moment believe anything he says.

Hang in there dear, you are on your way out of that prison, but the blood hound is still on your trail, so WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T FEED IT.

(((HUGS))))
_________________
Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

melindasian · Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: Australia

Thanks movedon/oxdrover, well I got a very long winded text from him to say that "can't we just rekindle the best parts of our relationship and work on it together as a team. That he will do anything it takes to make this work and he knows we can, loves me and wants to take me on the next chapter of his life (basically just moving house) etc. Again reiterating he will see my parents and smooth things out financially etc.

I know you said he would do this, but is this not an opportunity to say hey I think you are a bit messed up and need some help? How could I possibly imagine moving back in with him and his new home. I just left the old one.
How come he did'nt stop me if he did not want it to happen. I just don't get any reasoning from this at all!!
_________________
MGx

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Hi Mel, The answer is there is no reasoning with them they are totally illogical. His thoughts and deeds are a means to an end to get what he wants, he will offer anything, do anything, then retract it as swiftly as hes offered it, if you dont fall in line.
I wouldnt recommend you confront him, the best thing is no contact at all.
Change your mobile phone or your number, dont keep putting yourself through this agony of what hes doing or not doing.
The best thing Mel is to ignore they hate it.
Hes offering you the carrot could it be the fact that if hes moving he might need help? financially, or physically.He would regard this as beneath him so he would get someone else to do it for him.
Please step back and really think about it, the reason you left in the first place Mel is still there he is not going to change they never do.
Who looks after his children? could it be your a unpaid babysitter?

Mel stay safe hun, im away to my bed now as its morning here
Keeping you in my prayers
You can do it
Huggs
Movedon
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OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1465 Location: Arkansas USA

Dear Mel,

That is WHAT THEY DO---they do or say anything to SUC K YOU BACK IN.

I read a letter my P-son (who is in prison for murder, and who just tried to engineer to a plot to murder me and probably 2 of his brothers and we NC'd him)

He hasn't gotten any letters from any of us since the first of August when his friend he sent to kill us was arrested---he has written and written and written to my mother and my son C trying to find out why he "hasn't received any mail" (READ MONEY)

This latest letter to my mother first criticizes everyone and her especially for not writing, he is just so distraught---then he uses the Bible to tell her that she is not being "Chrisitian" by not talking to him about "all this" and "why she isn't writing" (he darned sure knows why) then he goes on and says his friend steve (who committed suicide a year or so ago) might have had the right idea (pity me, I might kill myself) Then he goes on and says he just doesn't know what he will do (if) when he gets out on parole, he just knew she (my mom) wanted to live long enough for him to come home, he "will just ahve tomake other arrangements for parole release" (I will punish you and not come home)

My mom had begged him to do college courses in prison which she would pay for---he has always had an excuse why NOT even though he has been i prison for 17 yrs--but after the arrest of his friend, he SUDDENLY decided to go to college courses in prison---send a coupole of thousand Grandma---of course there was no guarentee he would have acutally used the money for that--but his last letter said "Oh, I canceled my college application" (because you didn't send me the money of course, you have mistreated me....)

And on and on, pulling every rabbit out of the hat that he thought would prompt her to write to him, so that he can get back into the control mode with her---lie to her, stroke her ego etc.

He ended the letter with "I will be praying for you"----all that might sound sincere until you read the letters he wrote to the Trohan Horse P that he sent to kill us---full of curses and instructions on how to manipulate my mother and me....not quite the repentent saint he portrays in his letters to her.

DON'T fall for it---remember why you left! Absolutely true! My advice is DO NOT EVEN READ HIS DRIVEL if there is even the least chance you will fall for it. I can read my son's because I don't believe a word the liar says! I KNOW HE IS LYING---

(((hugs))))) dear and take care of yourself FIRST! Stay away and stay safe!
_________________
Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

melindasian · Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: Australia

Thanks movedon/oxdrover, he has apparently got wind that I will move interstate, go figure, that's probably why he is on the prowl.
He knows that if I go shortly as planned (beginning Dec) he would not have me around for when he wants me.
I hear you on why he would 'need' me right now. I know that since selling the house he is cashed up. He comes out ahead with quite a few 100k in the bank. Hence, when he sold the house I was then branded a gold digger, a user, someone who is out for a 'cushy' ride.
So can't figure that one out. But movedon, perhaps you are right, I do look after his two daughters like my own, and yes, I do drive them to school on the days he has them so that he can start work as usual at 6.30am and get his days pay.
I could change my telephone number but the more stuff he sends, the more outrageous I believe his mental state to be in.

Oxdrover, you sound like you have had your hands full with your brother - my god!
Movedon I read your story and i could feel the kick in the back also!

Thanks again
Melinda
PS. Australian weather is warming up and its hit the beach when ahy time spare!! Hope tiy ladies have had a good sleep!
_________________
MGx

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Mel, you sound more positive it's like you have worked it out in your head and now you have to work it out in your heart, that unfortunately takes time, but you will get there.
If he knows your going to be out of reach he will do all he can now to keep you, promise you anything mine went from Mr. nice guy to a raging monster when I didnt comply so please be careful.
In your last reply one thing I didnt address fully was you talked about confronting him with the facts. He would never believe you if you did because hes Mr. Perfect and you telling him hes less than that, would send him in a rage.He would turn it all round on you and you would end up feeling is it me? he would not except responsibility and they hate being criticised.
I think you have been brilliant in this, I know you have your bad days but I can hear that positive attitude coming through.
Never think your alone with noone to turn to, you will always have us, I want to see a journey of a very special woman become stronger and independent day by day.
Theres someone out there for you and in the future when all this is behind you he will walk in your life when you least expect it, and yes you will be wary and thats a good thing, never rush into any relationship quickly keep your antenna up at all times, not everyone is bad hun.
Keep it up Mel great progress love.
Hugs
Movedon
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melindasian · Joined: 15 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: Australia

Just an update... after receiving a letter from him explaining how he felt we had come to this situation (with me leaving his house) recently, and explaining how he feels about where we have been and going through in the last three years etc etc.

I am sorry, but I could not resist to let him know what I felt was going on. Being that his troubled childhood and his father hanging himself etc when he was young had impacted on his ability to interact with the people closest to him etc. That he should for his own sake and the sake of his daughters get some counselling to work through his issues.

WELL... there was no rage, no blaming me or putting it back onto me. He said he was very aware of his faults and he can't continue to react this way anymore.

He said that his family also confronted him about his behaviour (because I telephoned them when he spun out last time) and he said "I have been told enough over the years that I need to change. As much as he wants to be a different person, he acknowledges that he can't just 'think' his way there etc.

He replaced the $1,000 to my parents and has even spoken to my mum on the phone about everything.

He does write I feel etc, and has shown a great deal of empathy for my situation (pity he could not be this way a few weeks ago).

So, perhaps he is just a troubled sole with some behavioural issues that need ironing out. He is not exhibiting things I am reading on this board as he should right now.

Anyway, don't worry, I am not going running to him. He has an appointment with a psychologist and I can only hope for his sake he can become the person HE wants to be.

Thanks for being there for me.
Keep you posted if anything transpires!
Melinda.
_________________
MGx

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Hi, Thanks for the update, Hes doing an excellent job at convincing you.

How would he begin to get back to you? First ring parents to test the ground then make up for any wrong doing, turn on Mr. Charm side and then sit back wait until parents have spoken to you, then get in touch with you and would be prepared to do anything you ask.
Mel you know him better than anyone, and its your choice I'm just going off what you have already said, so lets hope your right.
All I ask is think about it, don't be blinded by the feelings you still have for him.
I hope it works out for you whatever you decide Mel your a lovely person
and deserve the best and not the worse out of life.
Love and Hugs
Movedon
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anna · Joined: 06 Dec 2007 Posts: 1

I know it is difficult. Dont allow him to pathologize you, he is making you crazy in order to suck you back in. by saying "why cant you be normal", he is projecting his issues onto you. He is forcing you question your own sanity, and making you wonder if you are normal. well, YOU ARE, HE IS NOT. forget about your things he has, they are not important, saving yourself is. No contact.

movedon · Site Admin Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 814

Mel, I hope your ok hun, just not heard from you, hope your ok
Hugs
Movedon
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