Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

dianeleonard · Joined: 31 Aug 2007 Posts: 2

I am finding it hard now to justify and explain what happened. I was only in this abusive relationship for 8 months this year but we had parted 6 years ago when I had a miscarriage. He said he had been looking for me for 2 years and left flowers on our baby's grave.

After 2 weeks of reconciliation the compliments changed to subtle criticism - not making coffee the right way, not wearing my glasses, speaking too much when watching programmes. Then asking who was calling me on my mobile, comments that I had a lot of friends.

It became far worse with one incident of him pushing me down steps and foul language. I accepted some blame for that, even though I went to the police. I had become dependant and did not want to lose him. Thus I excused the incident and went back to him.

My birthday was coming up and he said he thought I needed glasses. We went into an opticians and I felt uncomfortable, money was no object to him. On my birthday he sent me flowers and card and we met up in the evening. The previous night I had met up with friends as I had booked the next day off work and he was working away. At midnight on my birthday he erupted into verbal abuse, saying he intended to make my birthday hell. I had confided that I did not like my birthday as my mother had died two days after my birthday 8 years ago and it was still a painful time.

He made dreadful references about my body; I still believed at that time I was to blame - going out, staying out late - I had been working hard and had the next day off. I had told him what I was doing, not asking for permission but to let him know I would be on my mobile - his ranting was so unreasonable that I just gave in and said I was wrong.

I still made excuses but last Saturday I finally stood up to him - results were that he poured mayonnaise over my head, spilled shredded paper over my head and then when I was running out of the door and calling the police he trapped my finger in the door and closed it repeatedly.

when the police arrived they went in to reaon with him and I do not know what he said; they did not regard it serious enough for any action.

I know it was serious; I have the bruises and humiliating remarks going through my head. I have friends but in a way they think I should have been stronger and they tell me to get over it.

Can anyone with real knowledge help? I feel I am in a hostile world and yet I know that what happened was wrong.

samvaknin · Site Admin Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 2289

I divided my response to two parts: your psychology and coping tips and strategies. In a nutshell: terminate the relationships now.

These may be of help - click on the links:

The Narcissist's Victims

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq38.html

Victim Reactions to Abuse by Narcissists and Psychopaths

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/personalitydisorders70.html

Mourning the Narcissist

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq68.html

The Three Forms of Closure

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abuse17.html

Back to La-la Land

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal78.html

The Spouse/Mate/Partner of the Narcissist

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq6.html

Divorcing the Narcissist and the Narcissistic Psychopath - How Do I Get Rid
of Him?

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/5.html

Traumas as Social Interactions

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/trauma.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily21.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily22.html

How Victims are Affected by Abuse - Recovery and Healing

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily23.html

Surviving the Narcissist

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq80.html

The Inverted Narcissist - Codependence and Relationships with Abusive
Narcissists

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/faq66.html

Codependence and the Dependent Personality Disorder

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/personalitydisorders22.html

The Dependent Patient - A Case Study

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/personalitydisorders56.html

Danse Macabre - Trauma bonding and the Stockholm Syndrome

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/abusefamily.html

The Cult of the Narcissist

http://malignantselflove.tripod.com/journal79.html

Narcissists and Personality disordered Mates, Spouses, and Partners

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5013

Projection and Projective Identification - Abuser in Denial

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5002

Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5000

Guilt? What guilt?

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4931

Narcissists, psychopaths, sex, and marital fidelity

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4920

The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4959

I miss him so much - I want him back!

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4934

How to Cope with Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abusers

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/npdtips.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq80.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/4.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq75.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal56.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/journal68.html

Strategies for Coping with Abusers (General)

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse3.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse19.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse20.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse12.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily13.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily5.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily6.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html

Working with the System and with Professionals

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily10.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily11.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily12.html

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse18.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse15.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html

Take care.

Sam