Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Although she is old and all twisted up, she carries on as if she were a gorgeous young 20 year old. Seeing people even 10 years younger than herself makes her wince and shy away from "polluted older people". She laughs at their dyed hair (she dies hers, but lies about it), and is savage about people who are old - yet she is old herself and often older than the people she mocks.

Its really strange.

My NGM died at the age of 89. It seems like NM will live to be 100. At 54, she's doing fine in spite of abusing her body; she doesn't even have the normal problems that people her age have like aches and pains.

PM is just 74, may die with her next in a long series of heart attacks, but might just be mean enough to scare the grim reaper away again

Lol, I know what you are talking about. I imagine that when NM dies, Hell itself will spit her out for being so awful.

I'm just speculating at this point, but I'm sure my NM will live a very long time.

Longevity!

Oh please, say it isn't so ... I am an only child!

There is one thing I've noticed lately and have wondered several times about. Over the past few years my e stepfather has become increasingly more engaged in recreational activities (legitimate ones like golf) and his work, often leaving nm home alone. Having no real friendships, commitments, pursuits, and having a daughter who very, very rarely takes her calls, she is left with her alcohol. And her alcoholism has soared to alarming levels. She's crazy enough sober. But mix the alcohol with her lies, delusions, pitty parties, manipulations and endless alleged illnesses, I can't imagine that he's getting very much from his marriage.

I've wondered if he's just waiting for her to drink herself to death.

To my stepfathers credit, at my wedding last weekend he really tried ... he was engaged with US, loving, happy, proud as my own father was. He had to sit with nm and babysit her while she was plastered. Again, that could not have been much fun given that he was quite happy when away from her.

Certainly he has to know that she's sick ... I just don't know if he is truly that enabling or if he's just biding time.

My NF bucked the trend! I think he had lost the will to live by 65 and developed health problems willingly. He was broke and fairly friendless and reality couldn't be ignored by him any longer. Sad.

I doubt if demographically they actually live longer than average.....I think it just seeems that way on the receiving end.

they say that emotional turmoil, anxiety and agnst, is the biggest killer of them all, and the one factor leading to agining, etc.. all the bad habits in the world, do not equal the one of stress, and when the body turns on itself.

Having said that, Ns do not experience stress and emotional turmoil like normal people. Normal people internalize their pain inward, and hopefully, some day will seek some help, (like this board) so the toxicity does not get to dangerous levels, right?

But Ns, if they do feel anxiety, they just spew it out at others. Even though they have bad habits too, they do not seem as affected by it. they seem to always survive. Is the people around them that suffer.

My mom is an N mom, and I really think my dad is dying before his time due his miserable life with my mother.

Kate34 wrote:Although she is old and all twisted up, she carries on as if she were a gorgeous young 20 year old. Seeing people even 10 years younger than herself makes her wince and shy away from "polluted older people". She laughs at their dyed hair (she dies hers, but lies about it), and is savage about people who are old - yet she is old herself and often older than the people she mocks.

Its really strange.

This is a little off-topic, but I've noticed a similar thing with my aged NM, but in terms of overweight people. She herself has been overweight most of her adult life, but whenever I've been with her at any kind of event, if a large person walks into the room, she gives me the elbow in a very obvious way. If I don't respond (because I know what the purpose of the nudge is), she just keeps at it until I look at her, and then she does this very obvious tilt of her head towards the large (invariably female) person. I've pointed it out to her in a playful way, but she doesn't seem to understand how she would feel if someone did the same thing to her (not that the overweight person would probably notice her, but it's still cruel). She will also go on and on about it if someone related to her gains weight....but she is overweight herself! I just don't get it! When my overweight brother visited from another province, she kept asking him how much he weighed. He said he didn't know, so she convinced him to get on the scale, and, since he couldn't see the numbers on scale, she got down on her hands and knees to read it! The reason I know this is that she told everyone about it--including the fact that my brother weighs over 300 pounds because her scale registers only up to 300, and the needle had hit that number. When I said, "Oh, Mum, you didn't! Please tell me you didn't do that." She did not understand in the least. Has anyone else experienced this weird disconnect?

Yes, I have witnessed that weird disconnect. The behavior you describe (the nudging, nods and head tilting) reminds me a lot of my NGM.

They just don't see themselves. They think they are perfect. But they do see the imperfections in someone else. Makes them feel better, superior.

My NM - 92 and healthy. Her M died at 94 I think...

Dr. Vaknin (I think) wrote about how time mysteriously seems to pass by Ns without affecting them much. I think in my NM's case it's true. She seemed/seems to live primarily in her fantastic reflection in the pool, living her own special little life, remaining largely disengaged from the world you & I live in, and, well, it just doesn't touch her all that much.

Also, many people who know my NM have wondered aloud, why, since she seems so miserable all the time, doesn't she just die? My intuitive answer is, she's never really lived, never saw her present as anything other than a means to an end, never awakened to life simply for its own sake, so she's not ready to die. She has spent her whole nine decades waiting to live someday. Kind of makes me wonder, when she finally does croak, will anyone (including her) be able to tell? I can almost imagine her hunched-over little ghost getting up from her bed and tottering slowly off to the kitchen to take another handful of vitamins 4 or 5 days after her dead body has ceased to breathe.

NMom bucked the trend too, thank goodness. Though she had health problems, including early-onset Alzheimers. Seamless transition from narc-madness, IMHO.
But towards the end, she just wouldn;t let go and die. Shoulda put a DNR on her medical notes.