Jackhmf
Joined: 07 Jul 2007
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:17 am Post subject: NPD or BPD? |
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I'll be brief with the history, as I'm positive my situation is no different from anyone here.
I have been involved in a relationship, for a little over 3 years to a woman. (We have two small children and are married, now.)
Just recently, (after hundreds of meltdowns) we finally got some professional help. This came in the form of a couple of phyc tests. (I can name them if it helps... just not handy right now. 1 test was comprised of 1000 questions, the other 250.)
My wife came back as NPD. This was a bit of a surprise as I had been thinking she might be Borderline.
(Thanks to a prior situation and this one, I'm fairly well read on both these topics. The NPD was a book written, several years ago, but well received.. I cannot think of the name right now... but at the time it was considered very insightful, as it broke from the traditional, "N's are in love with themselves..." Rather, it went into the "N's don't know who they are..." Sorry, paraphrased.
I have also read and excellent book on BPD, "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me.." and am going through "Stop Walking On Eggshells.." Not too mention, numerous internet e-books and publications... So, I understand an awful lot. (How I got here? Well, I'm Obsessive/Compulsive.. just give me something to focus on. lol.)
Anyways, just recently, another meltdown occurred and my wife has left the state with the kids. Its pretty ugly. For my own defense, I have consulted with an attorney, and will pursue that venue if given no option. That is not my first choice.
My first choice is to get her and the kids back and get some help for her. Fortunately, she has used depression to explain her current mood, so I can suggest she see someone for that... It plays into the "I'm a victim" quite well.
Question 1: If NPD/BPDs are "predictable" in their cycles, more so for the NPD.. than I would assume that could give me some leverage.. For example. IF I know belittling her "excellent mothering skills" will set her off, conversing, will over inflating them, "win" her over?) I know the subject matter is an unknown, but I would think, there could be a way, a style to present the situation to a NPD that would “attract” their particular weaknesses.
Question 2: Based on what I’ve lived through these two “personality disorders” are very similar in their pathology, with slight variations. Is there a specific test, which can isolate one over the other? Or, perhaps a “trait” that can be spotted? A reaction? Something to give me a clue as to what in God’s Name I’m dealing with here? I suffer “splitting” on an almost daily basis, lying to the point of absurdity.. (she actually accused ME of cheating on those same tests.. To which I said, what does that have to with your results??) I mean, I can go on and on.. but, won’t. Destructive spending habits, a need to “self-medicate”, overly obsessive with appearance… (and she is stunningly beautiful! Which just helps justify some of her delusions..)
Is there anyway to help quickly narrow the field?
If there is… then, that might help whatever PhD I try to get her in front of, with his/her efforts.
Question 3: For the sake of argument, let’s just say my attempts at getting her to come home are successful.. (although she’s just thrown down the gauntlet that she will not return home, and I’ll have to move to NV.)
There is such a thing here, as a “Mental Warrant”.. or something to that affect. Basically, I go to a JP, ask for an “arrest warrant” and if I can prove my case, she’ll be admitted, (unwillingly) to the local hospital for 72 hours. No, that’s not my first choice, only my “safety plan” to try to get some help. The better alternative would be to get to a really good Doc here and get some help.
Is there a good reference, or, site, that can recommend such a Doctor?
At this point, I will go anywhere in the country as long as its productive.
As my life has been nothing but heartache, grief and sheer hell.. I still believe and I will continue to do so, as long as I can.
I am not delusional as to the outcome here. I already know the success rate for both of these problems is very low… usually “no cure”, per say. I understand that. I can handle a little crazy, just not totally crazy.
Thank you in advance..sorry for the length.
J.
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