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NPD and immediate family interactions

Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" and 8 other books about personality disorders and abuse in relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. He is the owner and moderator of support forums and the first person to have written about the Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) online (in 1997). He invented many of the terms currently used to describe the disorder and its effects on family, the workplace, and in various professions.

Where to go to ask Dr. Sam questions. This is intended as Questions to Dr. Vaknin and his responses

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NPD and immediate family interactions

Postby Ginj32 » Sun Oct 05, 2014 11:59 pm

Hi Dr Vaknin,

I've recently ended a year long relationship with a man suffering from NPD, OCD and Bipolar Disorder. Early on in our relationship (during our first break up), he shared with me that he was diagnosed with NPD. I never thought much of it and shortly started dating him again soon. Now, a year later I've done A LOT of research and know that he definitely suffers from NPD. I wish I done this sooner.

I have a question. How can a man with NPD tell his Mother, "I love you" whenever they hang up the phone or leave one another? I thought "I love you" was a phrase that makes a person with NPD cringe. When I told this man I loved him, he simply said "why did you have to say that?! No you don't!". Days later, when I brought this up, he told me that if he said I love you back to me, that it would then be over. So, how can he be so close to his Mother and share those words? He his also extremely close with his sister. I'm so confused how I struggled to get close to this man with no avail, yet he is so close to his immediate family?! That's one of the things that attracted me to him.

Can you please shed some light?

Thanks for reading this!
Ginj32
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Re: NPD and immediate family interactions

Postby samvaknin » Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:21 pm

Narcissists hate to BE TOLD "I Love You":

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq74.html

This is because of their fear of intimacy:

Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/5000

The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/4959

His mother and sister are his sources of supply and would tell them anything they want to hear to secure their allegiance and availability:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq76.html

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq22.html

Narcissistic and Psychopathic Parents and Their Children

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nar ... sages/4727
Encyclopedia of Narcissism and Psychopathy:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/siteindex.html

Buy 16 books or 3 video DVDs about narcissists, psychopaths, and abusive relationships - click on this link:

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html
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