Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

journeybegins · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 26

Just when I think the end is in site he decides that he is going to bring in witnesses to the final hearing. Our S-15 an D-14. OOHHH I am so MAD. I have tried so hard to not talk bad about him or drag them into any conversations about him.

How dare he, I am so mad. OK now, I refuse to sit back and and ignore this and not talk to my kids about this because we all know that he is doing that and will now start to coach them on what to say it they do get on the stand. He has already told them that 50/50 is only fair. I told them that life is not fair and if their father could be home with that they could see him more but he is never there even when it is his day to have them. Do any of you have any tactful comments that I can use to try to explain to them what is about to happen? I am not that great at being tactful I just say things the way I see them and give my honest answer and feelings.

I also just found out that he filed his taxes claiming one child and saying that he was single. So of course the IRS will be made aware of that. He can not claim any children while we are only seperated and not divorced. Plus we actually made an offer to them(him and his attorney) in March and they never responded to it.

I meet with my attorney and accountant today to go over what we will accept in mediation-which is next thursday. The only thing I can see us working out that day is college for the kids-50/50 to any college.

More Later
JJ

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 905

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journeybegins · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 26

Summer

The meeting today went well with my attorney and accountant. Attorney thinks
N is just pushing my buttons. She said because of his occcupation that no judge will give him 50% custody because everyone knows that teenagers need more guidance now than say a 5 or 6 yr old. She is hoping that the mediator will convince him to drop that battle. Hopefully this way the kids will not even know that he put them down. Or maybe he has already talked to them and they are OK with doing that. We will find out next Thursday. If not we will have to let the judge decide.

N would say how poor we were and that we could not afford to do things or as we all know they just did not want to be with us towards the end. Well guess what...after all debts we will be splitting 1.7 million. Huh, I thought we were so broke----the pond scum that he is!! Yes I want my half in cash thank you very much.

I will fight for them if I have to like you said. Your post will be printed out so I can keep it handy.

Thank You Summer for the input and I do hope you are feeling better and stronger daily.

JJ

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 905

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journeybegins · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 26

Summer

I found out that N has been dippping into his IRA and I asked my attorney to put a freeze ( for a lack of a better word) on all of his accounts. We are going to wait until mediation and then if we have to we will do that. Apparently it does not matter how much is in any accoun tnow it goes by what was there when we filed. But my ? is if he spends it all before the D is over how can he pay up? Answer: that is his problem, I guess you will get the business's then. Or his parents can write a check.

I would immediately look into how much your N has in the 401k as of now and see about doinga freeze on that and also on any property that has equity in it--house,cars, land, stock accounts where dividends can add up. I personnally do not want some of his business's, I want cash to invest for my retirement.

As of right now I would get all of his (very small-among other things)Ira and cash out his life ins and he would still owe a huge sum.

They all really are slime balls and as you said All Alike

Take Care
JJ

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 905

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journeybegins · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 26

Summer

I went to see a financial planner today and he brought to my attention the same thing you said about the IRA's. I may not even get the cash value and so on like you were saying. So I will sit down this weekend and get some questions answered and probably rethink alittle about what I will try to go for.

I am sure you are right about the N's being up to something. I am so new at this that I do not understand how the court system does not stand by what it says--example like all of the contempts that I know your n and mine have all ready accumulated. They again get no consequences and continue believing they are above the law. You know if I did one little thing wrong I would get caught and probaly would get the book thrown at me.

Do you think he is destroying the house so the appraisal will come in low? Surely he knows that the value is based on said house at the time of filing.

Oh my gosh.... I would love for someone to ask me out..I am not ready for that yet but just to boost my self-esteem. The n left the marriage years ago but I just filed last May. Like the counselor said if I didn't do it we would still be married for his image. Tonight I am having a tough time with him and the OW (whom is now married, she was not when they met) They are both sick, it appears that maybe she is also n. I really need to quit comparing myself to her but at times I want to know what is fo great about her that he will not be honest to keep his family together. Sad

Take Care
JJ

P.S. The financial guy seems to think he just put the kids down as witnesses to get to me, we will see

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 905

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journeybegins · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 26

Summer

My dad keeps asking me if I have been out on any dates yet and I told him that I will not be dating until the D in final. Well, It is like he never heard me say that so now when he asks I just laugh and tell him I don't have anyone tearing down the doors to see me!! Dad just turned 70 so I know he wants me to be happy and I think he wants to see me happy again before his time is up.

I don't know if I would even go out with the attorney even as a friend because if the N saw you and then took a picture he could show that to the kids and smear you even more. "See your mother is dating and we are not even Divorced." I would not put that past my N.

Man, I need friends also. You know,unfortunately people pick a side and Since I am not from this area most people went with the N. I have a huge problem with the trust issue--did I mention HUGE problem Confused

I am actually going slow on making new girlfriends also. I wish we could all meet somewhere because you know anyone you meet from this forum would be supportive and know that all of this crap is for real. Maybe sometime we can talk on the phone -my typing skills are really bad, that is why I do not type too much.

We have voluntary mediation this thursday and final hearing for the
middle of July. I tried to tell my attorney that I think that mediation is a lost cause but she wants to try it. We (this board) all know that if the N does not feel that he is in control then Media. is a lost cause.

be back later
JJ