Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/tip ... 11248.html

With special thanks to Sweetcaroline51, Lucky2escape, Echo, Knoxy, LouxLoux, Paul59, Matilda, Violetblue, classigirl, fugu, Consumedbyrage



For me, nc was quite simple because it was much less painful than the times I was having any interaction with the N.

The loudest, most consistant message was to implement no contact. I decided that this would be my path to healing and so I took it.

It is so true that if you just sit back and let them do what they have to do, they eventually prove just how sick they are.

I also wanted to send N one message-he was no longer worth my time, or my energy. In my silence, there was really a huge message.I found that very empowering and most importantly, the best thing for my own recovery.

I am NC to protect myself.

I know that contact with him would mean self destruction for me.

I saw how he treated his exwife when she used to contact him, the smear campaign he manufactured against her to make everyone believe she was crazy and I know he is doing the same with me.

I am trying to rebuild my life and recover from all of this and its good that I have a choice and control now of whether I allow someone so evil as exN to be in my life or not and I choose not to.

Having contact with xP was a nightmare, NC was bliss compared to what I went through in my own home when he was there.

When I finally realized that by not going complete and total NC, it was feeding his sick, twisted ego.

ANY contact is NS - that was enough for me. I stopped.

I didn't want to feed his already huge ego any more.

The side benefit, I later found out, was that my anxiety reduced DRAMATICALLY when I stopped.

I know she will try to come back into my life (next rescue man already dumped her) but then I will be more direct. (Words like "go away freak").
Second is to do as free2be, to remember my "D-day" with her. The shocking cruelty, and yes my own tears. (Yea, real men do cry).

Once the mask fully came off, I was done. I would never, ever, ever have someone in my life who would do such things to me. I would never even consider it.

For me, contact meant that he won. And frankly, he was never, ever, ever going to win over me again. He was never ever ever going to have the chance to lie to me, to manipulate me or use me ever again.

NC became really easy over time. Every intereraction I had with the N produced an incredible amount of pain, confusion, frustration, sadness, physical and psychological disturbances... etc..etc.

Once I realized that he was making me sick (unfortunately, it took me a while to realize it ), I was able to maintain NC. The actual realization came about when I had couple of anxiety attacks. I went to my doctor and he asked with a firm voice..."what's giving you stress?" When I didn't respond, he said, "whatever ...or whomever it is.... you have to get rid off it!" I was like . I knew then that it was time to go NC.

Use visual imagery. BEFORE attempting any contact, think about his/her reactions if you DID contact them. Imagine that smug grin, that sense of satisfaction. Imagine their thought processes "Man, I really have her/him", "I am so hard to get over. I must really be wonderful", "they are SO easy to manipulate - putty in my hands".

I found the visual imagery a useful tool too. I pictured my N ex as 2 separate entities: the one that I had been in love with for 2 years and the real one. Whenever I felt tempted to call I would picture the two of them in my head and reinforce the idea that the one that I had been in love with didn't exist.

There was no way of contacting the man I had been in love with and the real man was repulsive to me and clearly feeding from my pain!

Each day that i have NC, i feel calmer. i want to be peaceful and sane. i want friends whose words i can believe; whose actions and words align. with NC, i am OFF the yo-yo ride from hell. although i miss my N-"friend," in truth, person i miss doesn't even exist. NC is easier when i remind myself that my N is emotionally scrambled and i will always be lied to, used and abused for $, attention, diversion/distraction, and for supply.

NC, even in it's hardest moments, is made easier when i can wish my N love, light, and healing from afar...while keeping my distance from the tornado/quicksand of the madness. the universe will take care of my N and hopefully the universe will spare everyone he sucks into his vortex.
i surrender. i choose liberation

My life will just get better and better from here on in but he will always have to live with his illness. I have the ability to have healthy, happy and meaningful relationships. That's something he's never going to have.

NC with my ex since he threw me out on a whim. He wanted to "talk", but while I wrestled with the idea I realised that his behaviour was the proof that all my fears and uneasiness were JUSTIFIED, not sheer craziness as he wanted me to believe.

I admit, I was tempted, those first few times the phone rang, but now i just smile and pride myself on taking back control of my own life. I'm officially DONE with that wrong turn in my life, and damn it feels GOOD!

when I came to this board, I didn't even believe in NC. I didn't think it was necessary. Not soon enough did I realize that NC was the only road to my recovery