Recently, accidentally, learned about Narcissists. I think that could explain why I've been confused, heartbroken, and at times feel paranoid over the last 2 years. It's very unlike myself, as I'm usually a cheery and social person.
After reading and being knowledgeable, I feel like I finally saw light... I felt enlightened, and broke things off with him after 2 years of emotional rollercoaster. But even knowing there is nothing to hang on to (everything was a lie) and no one to be jealous of (everyone suffers the same fate), why do I still feel miserable? How long does it take to feel normal? I'm also starting to doubt if he's actually a Narcissist? Many signs point to yes, but some point to no, so want to seek validation on situation and advice on how to move on. Thanks in advice :)
His actions that says he is a N:
- Often going MIA, often blaming phone issues - did not see call, many times where no replies for 1-2 days
- Told me he's not ready for a relationship but that "I'm the only one he is seeing", yet found out he has people everywhere - in many cities - some that he still goes back to see after years - sources of supply?
- Never remembers anything about what's going on in my life
- Often flakes last minute and make up random excuses that don't make sense and don't even bother remembering those facts later
- Saw an "ex" defriend him on FB
- Even public places like FB has messages such as "when will you visit me again" "where are you"... blahblah - can't imagine the texts/emails
- Often very eager to see me on a particular night - even when I suggest different date he insists on his date (only thinking of his needs)?
- Said in a different context that he wants to have *** all the time
- Not just in relationships but often flakes with friends too - changing his mind all the time, no one ever knows where he is
- Broken childhood
What's still giving me doubt/keeping me from moving on:
- When I told him it's over he protested a little bit but just accepted it (aren't Ns suppose to hold on to all their supply?) - though even after acceptance he mentions not being able to forget me and hopefully one day something could happen again
- Saw me multiple times a week during those 2 years - that's a lot of time for one "supply" for a N to go for? Or maybe the only criteria is availability?
- He was never aggressive - none of this Narc rage - he always seemed very nonchalant, cool, not a care in the world. When I broke things off he didn't try to force his views/actions on me
- Similarly - always polite - seems thoughtful in normal interactions and communications (when people actually get a hold of him)
I guess question is what differs Ns from just being someone who's still immature, still greedy, and maybe just haven't met the right person? (though as of now I haven't seen anyone be special enough not to be cheated on).
I know regardless I should move on, but I guess just looking for closure before labeling a friend a N and cutting him off - maybe I just wasn't the right person?