Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

2 decades · Joined: 05 Jan 2008 Posts: 1

i have been married to a N for almost 10 years and was with him for total of 20 years. it wasnt until a childhood friend of mine came to stay with me and was able to observe me and my husband in our "natural " habitat. it only took her 2 days to call him out.she pointed me out to a website and lets say the rest is a blessing. i thought i was crazy and everything was my fault. it now makes sense. I used to joke i felt like i was a paycheck and a piece of you know what but now i know it was my inner truth crying out all along. it makes me sad to know that there is no changing him, things will not change- i been trying for 20 years. i feel used, betrayed and still in denial. I am currently finding strength to remove myself from my current situation but i am finding it hard to even accept i was used - a true enabler to the end. any words of encouragment for overcoming the initial shock of it all? at least he wont get alimony tenure. i.m ending it prior to the 10 year milestone. he says he wants it to be amicable but everything ive read thus far is really scary.

littlecat2 · Posted: Wed Jan 09, 2008 3:24 pm Post subject:

Hi there and welcome to the group. You're at a very difficult and confusing place ... you probably feel like you're going crazy .... one day you're sure he is, next day "well maybe not." It's awful, and I feel for you. I remember those days of hope, no hope, hope again, and rejection. Like you, I had a close friend who saw this way before I did - years in fact. She'd say things to me like "do you realize you have footprints on your back?" Of course, I thought she was ridiculous! I don't know your situation, but if you are not seeing a qualified Psychologist, I strongly suggest you do. For me, it was only through some very difficult sessions with him, and a lot of introspection, was I able to really see, process, and accept what had happened to me. I'll never forget my first appt. with him. At the end of it he looked at me and said, "what I believe would be best for you, would be therapy to discover who you really are and whether or not you want to stay in this relationship." I was totally horrified! I had gone in there wanting to "learn how to live with this man." We'd been married 40 years. Well, he was right .... I didn't know who I was and simply stayed because I felt like an inferior, stupid, piece of s___. All I could do was be told how to think, what to do, what to wear ... I had no mind of my own! Very sad indeed. You will need a lot of support as you walk through the minefield of the N ... do get a therapist (and a genuine Psychologist will be able to pick this out - some others are not), a close friend or two, and do keep posting. We are here, we've been through it, and we totally, 100% understand ... something which those who have not been abused by an N will not. Take care ... do let us hear from you.
abby
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merry50 · Joined: 06 Apr 2008 Posts: 2

I'm new here with 20 yrs experience with what I believe is a narcissist. A wonderful psychiatrist called him a pathological liar after just a few sessions..he never went back though, so there wasn't a complete diagnosis of NP. He's my ex husband who I have 2 children with and my daughter also considers him her father, she was 5 when I met him. I was swept off my feet by this handsome, educated, successful man who wrote me poetry and promised me the moon. Signs were there, 3 days after he moved in with my daughter and I he left to attend one of his buddies bachelor party, a notorious womanizer who was caught red handed a yr after His marriage and was with this woman the night before he wed...Anyway.. this could go on forever! lol A couple of yrs after the divorce was final I let him move back into my house but I never felt he was being upfront with me about his contact with drug pals..(he told me he would enter a program for his alcohol & drug problem, which is one of the reasons I finally threw him out, but he only went to 3 meetings. He also put his family before myself and the children each and every time and never defended me when attacked by his family either).
Such a loser right? Not so! He has many old friends...who a psychologist would love to study also...and he makes new friends easily. He's modest, self effacing...the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet. Smile

After a few months of the living together the fighting started about the same old issues. I then discovered he was stashing money in a separate acct...when confronted he denied the accts existence, when pushed he became enraged and said he had to because I spent too much money...my fault of course. He left 2 weeks after the confrontation claiming that i'd had an affair with a much older man, doesn't matter how old I know. He's destroyed my credibility in a small town and with my family. Nobody else sees this man the way that I do, they see me as unstable.
This brief and all over the place synopsis and the reason I'm here tonight..is because I had to atttend a birthday party for my son in law and of course the ex was there. He tried to get my attention a few times and spent the entire time watching me. Noted and brought to my attention by two of my family members. These women feeling bad for him and invariably asking me why 'it' can't be fixed. Like i'm the problem? Anyway, 20 minutes after my sons and I left he had a young woman at his apartment.
Now, what I'd like someone to tell me is...the poor psychiatrist didn't have enough time but tells me he believes his disorder is more than narcissism but can't say. My doctor, MD, believes that he's a sociopath. 20 years later... What do you folks think?