Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

marisajustine · Joined: 30 Nov 2007 Posts: 2 Location: Chicago

Hi all-I am glad I found this site. I told my N Husband that I want out. This is the second time. I filed for divorce before-it was so ugly..he was abusive, drunk, terrible to my kids and scary.......he is alcoholic and "N"-I have spent 9 years feeling crazy-you all know-feeling like there was something wrong with me. Now, since this is the second time and I gave it everything I know that he is sick and I am abused. I get it. I need to go-sick of second guessing myself....see, I always wanted a family-I grew up in divorce, so there is nothing more that I wanted than a family...I have three beautiful, awesome children and I never thought or wanted this to be me. I have always been strong, but this "N" brought me down to an abused woman-SO I have had it--he is a liar and a manipulator--an alcoholic and has humiliated and belittled me for the last time-I understand it now-may have taken me a long time...now I know that the "N" is very very good at making the other question themselves, make them feel inadequate and, well, crazy. I am scared-about him making this so aweful again....and terrible for the kids....and I amscared about money...but I feel like I gave it everything I have and cannot take the lies and abuse and manipulation anymore-so, anyway, I am glad I am here....helpful that you words seem like mine-glad I have support and terrified that I have gained the strength to realize "who" he is.....please send me strength-but at the same time---thank you for just being here to reassure e that I am not crazy Very Happy

Sailor2bill · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 204

Marisa, no way are you crazy. I've now seen N in action twice: first with my D and recently with his G/F (who he met after my D divorced him). Each time he has nearly driven his partner crazy. With the G/F HE was trying to get HER into a mental institution. Very long story.
You MUST get away from your N. In the long run it will be better for your children. Once you are away, you must maintain NO CONTACT, don't let him keep on baiting you. Others here will give you excellent advice.
Best wishes
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Sailor

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 906

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kjj · Joined: 25 Nov 2007 Posts: 18

Hi Marisajustine,

I'm new to this site too. I actually came across it when hunting for sites to help me understand why I have stayed in this abusive relationship. I was looking for sites about abusive relationships and when I came across this site it was like reading about my ex and like meeting people who actually understood what I was saying for the first time in a long time.

I've been with my N for 12 years, have two gorgeous children aged 8 and 6, and we've been married 6 years. I guess the turning point for me was when mine nearly killed me by throwing me to the floor and strangling me.....and the following day he tries telling me on the phone (with his parents sitting right by his side) that I (yes me) have the mental problem and that I need to be put into hospital (he even called a friend of mine and told her the same thing).....I know now he thought I was mental for answering him back, for not doing as he said, for not leaving the argument alone and hence his reaction was to throw me to the floor and nearly kill me. And then he leaves on a fishing trip for a week and a half (with his father mind you) and doesn't call once to see if either me or his kids are ok.

I too am from a divorced family...my real dad left when I was 3, my older sister 6. My mum pretty much straight away shacked up with one of my dad's friends and he turned out to be anything but a nice step-dad.....walking in on him molesting my sister, and although my mum was told she went into denial and pretty much blamed my sister for encouraging it......my mum and step-dad are still together to this day and I have nothing to do with them.

I understand what you mean about wanting a family after coming from a divorced one......I know for myself I just kept trying and trying and justifying everything he did, even excusing some of his behaviour because from everything i had heard his dad was not exactly there for him as he grew up. I thought if I loved him enough that it would all just fall into place....how wrong was I. This is our 3rd (and final) split in 2 years.....this time seems easier though for me and I think it comes from being on this site and realising he has a serious problem that will probably never ever change...maybe it makes it easier to look at him as sick, even though now I feel I am grieving the loss completely cause I know it will never change, or get better. Our poor kids hey......that's what I struggle with....they'll never have the Dad I wanted for them...well not their biological dad anyway. Maybe some day a great man will come into our lives but I'm not in a hurry as I know how much work I have to do on myself first.

I'm so glad you've found this site and am sure it will help you to find some peace. Everyone I have talked to here has been such help....this site truly is getting me through these dark days. And when I am starting to feel like maybe I should call him and try to work things out I bring myself back to this site and remember why i shouldnt. Also there was a great thing I read about writing down all the terrible things that he's done.....although I havent done this yet (I'm trying to find the time to do so) I remind myself every day of all the things he has done and said.

Be strong marisajustine, for you and your gorgeous kids. You'll get through this. Sometimes it may feel like it's all too much but it will get easier. Here if you need a chat!

PS Maybe someone can help me with information as to how to keep my kids safe from him......courts these days seem to encourage the whole father / child relationship which I do to....but these N's aren't normal by any means so how do we protect them from their N parents???

Take care Marisa, My thoughts are with you and your kids x

1ablueprincess · Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 195

Hi! I am new to this site too. I LOVE this site because I can relate to the stories here. I too tried to leave my ex and get a divorce before finally doing it the second time. The first time I left I thought I was the problem and that he would at least be good to my kids, but he was not. He began abusing them, especially S. He also would not let me see S and a bunch of other horrible stuff. I became desparate to help my children and decided the best way I could do that was if I moved back home with him, which I did. He then did leave the kids alone but he became so very violent with me that it effected the kids even more then what he was doing to them when I wasnt home. Finally I had no choice but to go back into the court system, and now 4 years later we still go to court a LOT.
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survivor