Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

dollydagger · Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 331 Location: ATL, GA

A woman I know that works at an establishment where I live, told another friend of mine that she hopes I'm not still with the N. When she was told that I am not, the woman basicaly said "good", and "yuck!" about him. The question I have is do I find out what that gal knows, or do I ignore it and try to move past it. I have been made a fool of and I am numb right now. What does she know? What did she see? What has he been saying about me? Here comes the smear campaign....I was hoping it wouldn't come to that. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Any help or advice is appreciated.

Dolly

SassyAnnie13131 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 228 Location: Minnesota

Dolly,

I think that if you contact her, it would be breaking NC by proxy. I know it feels like it really does matter what she has to say and what Nx may or may not have done/said, but in YOUR recovery, it does not. You already know the context (if anything was said) "she's crazy." Or, maybe this gal dated him or he hit on her, or she had a gut feeling he was nuts, or she knows someone he dated or is trying to....whatever the "thing" is, it doesn't matter.

What would you do if you found out? More of the same.... obsessing, wondering, worrying.... in other words, handing over your personal power to the N. By NOT 'going there' you would be saving yourself from pain or worry or a paNdora's box. In the big picture, what this woman knows is irrelevant. What matters is that you focus on YOU, not the N anymore. It's wasted time, energy and brain power. It's emotionally draining. I think not pursuing this 'lead' about his behavior would be empowering. "It doesn't matter what he did or said. What matters is MY reaction." This you can control.

Focus on you. Begin to detach, Dolly. By keeping tabs on the N, you are essentially breaking NC by proxy and wasting your time. One of the reasons why being addicted to an N is so hard is that we learned to devote so much time and energy and thought to the N. We ignored our own self care in favor of keeping the peace with N. He could be screwing anything that walks. That doesn't matter if you have no intention of getting back with him. Be grateful he is not trying to contact YOU.

Smear campaign? Who knows. All you can do is hold your head high and NOT TAKE THE BAIT. Let him rant and rave. If you give him enough rope (nc) he will hang himself and look the fool.

You may want to check out: *Smear Campaign * http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/thesmearcampaignoftheabuser.msnw

And
Detaching
http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/5.msnw
Hugs,
Annie[/url]

dollydagger · Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 331 Location: ATL, GA

Hi Sassy, I like the bunny with the pancake on his head, he's cute. Thank you for your response--your words are very wise indeed. It's info that will hurt me, that's for sure.

sallyishere · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 833

Dollydagger

Doesnt matter what she says. Your NC and your opinion is all that matters.

Sally
_________________
Sally

Just when I thought my life was over, it started again.