Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

keepingseparate · Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 87

For me it has been almost 4 months.

Looking back this has been much more difficult than I ever realized. Getting over 12 years with an N is baffeling!!!!! I was married for 18 years and had no such "recovery" with him (NON N).
My NC is so necessary for any peace. The healing with therapy, energy work etc. is a process on finding me. BUT why is this all so hard??? Really does this make sense?

This is not about the N anymore. Actually he is fine, just breathing, and doing what N's do....

It seems a part of me is gone! I cannot explain it I just know something does not feel right!
Saving my a** has been to stay in TRUST, acceptance and believing it is just what it is...
But I feel a piece of me is MISSING!
Does anyone know what I mean??

knoxy · Joined: 24 Jul 2007 Posts: 1047

Maybe part of you is gone.

The part that would take crap from someone who hurts you.

The part that settled.

The part that turned the other cheek when you should have listened to your gut.

The parts that needed to go - so the good stuff can come in.

I try to think positive. But I also understand what you mean. I will be forever changed by what happened with my N. However, I choose to take that change and try to look at it as a good thing.

I don't want to be bitter and icky and angry forever. And I won't be. Neither will you. You are doing great work here.

Congrats for sticking to No Contact!!!!!!

dagna · Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 493

so sorry you are feeling this way. It doesn't feel good, I know.

I experienced the great big hole in my heart, in my life. It gets smaller, really it does- gradually, when you aren't paying attention to it. It is good to find something to distract you from noticing the hole. What are you doing to distract yourself?
_________________
Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
-Paul Simon

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1370 Location: Connecticut, USA

I'm on a similar journey with therapy and energy work. I'm also doing dream therapy. I've discovered that the missing piece in me is an unbalance between my feminine and masculine sides. My feminine side is strong, but my masculine side is not, and my feminine side has been making demands of my masculine side that it is not yet ready to meet. So says my therapist. It makes sense. Co-dependent for over 20 years, the XN WAS my masculine side, I lost any remnant of it within myself. With him gone, I need to find a side of me that has been left behind so long ago, I can hardly remember what it feels like. It's a phantom limb.

I don't know if this'll help you, but you asked if anyone else has felt this way, and I have to answer, "yes". But it's not something missing after the N, it was already missing with the N, I just didn't know it. Now that I feel it missing, I have the opportunity to become complete again.

This is the point where many people would go out and fill the missing part with a partner, someone to "complete" them. But that would be doing a great disservice to oneself. It's better to complete yourself than to find completion in another. You're already doing therapy and energy work, so I'll bet you know this intuitively already. Am I right?

keepingseparate · Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 87

YES YES YES I am NOT looking for another relationship. This part of my life, is work that I am doing on myself. Yes, I have enough knowledge to know the void is not outside of me.
The EXN had a new "love" move in within 3 days. March 2nd was the last time he was "home" and March 6th had the OW move in (after MOMMY set him up in apartment) WARNING SIGNS! This is a true blessing as I look back. It made me look at the truth, take care of me, appreciate the OW so N leaves me alone.
So my journey begins....I have felt great and am listening to my gut. I do believe all the answers are within.
I just want it all NOW...so when I started feeling good..I removed myself from the anti-depressent and literally have had brain shivers and tears. I kept thinking they would go away after a few days. With this came some depression, I think it is a chemical imbalance and this might be too soon.
My fear with illness has escalated the last 2 years with the N. Going through breast cancer, hysterectomy, thryroid problems, high cholesterol/triglerides. And, finding out last week I have ulcers (imagine that??).
So I am trying to heal without MEDICINE and realize staying with EXN would have KILLED ME. My body was dying....
I am going to see my energy lady this morning to see if she knows someone who can help with herbs....
Thanks everyone!
Got stuck in the "I am screwed" mode...it is nice to have a safe place and with people who understand.