Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

I've been NC with my P/N Grandma for about a year. She called me on my birthday and left a message. She taunted me with a gift if I would call her back and give her my updated address.

My immediate family has made it clear that I've been a "terrible grand daughter", and a few of them aren't speaking to me. But now, the extended family (who we see every 10 years or so) is calling me and playing games.

Basically, a cousin called and left a frantic message asking me to call her or her mother. I thought the worst. So, I called the cousin back and to my surprise, my Great Aunt answered, she is my Grandmother's sister and it's eerie how alike they are. Bitter, angry and mean... all easy to hear in their sour voice. The hair on my arms stood up when she said my name JUST like my grandma in THAT tone... you know that tone... it was awful.

Luckily, my cell phone dropped the call in mid-guilt trip... there was absolutely no family emergency, she just wanted to ask me why I hadn't called my Grandmother. It sounds so small, but now I've been spending my Sunday evening upset about the phone call. Not only does the inner circle hate me, but the outer one does, too. How does P/N Grandma get to ALL of them?!?

Hi Petunia

As you have discovered N's (assuming she is an N) will use all around them to get to you. Even if that means she gets them not to talk to you. Its all about control.

It's sad that they do this, but you need to be aware of what it is you want, and what it is she is trying to do. Sorry for saying this but "friends are the relatives we would have chosen". I am sure you have many friends, that are less likely to cause you such issues.

Best of luck.

Hi....Its not uncommon.....They tell lies better than we tell truths.....so they are believed and were not.It also sounds like the smear campaign is going on.....We have several articles on this site that talk about that....Ive been there and have much compassion for YOU.

HAHA... this is something very similar to what my NM would pull.

I did NC with them before, and she phoned my aunt and got her to talk me round (my aunt was my mother when I was young, she took me away from her and gave me a life!!)

So I phoned, and got "Hello.... whos this? (she knew who it was) I haven't heard from you for ages. Where are you living now, I have your birthday present here and want to post it to you"
It turned out to be a cheap pair of jeans that never fit.

N's use the "divide and conquer" technique. As soon as they think you've slighted them....they will call anyone who knows you and them, then they will start the train of lies and manipulation on those people. They will get to them before you even realize there's a problem.

They need others on their side to "save face" and reduce the amount of "narcissistic injury" they feel. By the time you tell those same people your side of the story you look like a big fat liar and that's exactly what the N's goal is. They want to put you on the defensive, discredit you and show you who is in control.

My solution- I have NC with ANYONE that knows the N's in my family, including NC with the N's themselves.

N's use the "divide and conquer" technique. As soon as they think you've slighted them....they will call anyone who knows you and them, then they will start the train of lies and manipulation on those people. They will get to them before you even realize there's a problem.

They need others on their side to "save face" and reduce the amount of "narcissistic injury" they feel. By the time you tell those same people your side of the story you look like a big fat liar and that's exactly what the N's goal is. They want to put you on the defensive, discredit you and show you who is in control.

My solution- I have NC with ANYONE that knows the N's in my family, including NC with the N's themselves.

petunia, bright eyes, tired1, cookie2 and all of us


ditto to all of that. so true.

Cookie, I love "They tell lies better than we tell the truth."

That's it in a nutshell.