Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

lynn1234 · Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 718

I am a little confussed now.. When I loged onto this site I read the info by femfree about Narcissist and Sociopaths-Anti-social Personality Disorder.. This is what it said

Narcissists = NEED FOR Adulation, Attention, Admiration and being Feared

Anti-social = Need for : Money, Control, Power and fun

I think my NM might be more Anti-social. Is Anti-social the same as Sociopath?.. Can some N's be both? Do any of your NP's also seem Anti-social?.. Maybe I have misdiagnosed my NM as an N and she is more Anti-social.. I think is some ways my NM has N qualities but she seems to want more control, power and fun...

Also.. it mentioned that sociopaths don't miss people when they are alianated or gone.. I think my NM fits this category...She hasn't missed me since I went NC..

It also stated that N's lack empathy but do feel confussed, lonely and abandonded when they are alianated or the relationship ends.. I don't see my NM careing much that I have gone NC with her.. Sometimes I see her upset when a boyfriend breaks up with her though..But her emotions seem superficial....
Can anyone help me with this?

Any

Tearlet · Joined: 31 Mar 2008 Posts: 29

I'm not an expert by any means at all. I'm only speculating here Smile

Okay, I am 99.9% sure my mom suffers NPD. In my early 20s, before I knew she a NM, I went into NC for about 9 mos ... but she was so busy with her persnal life she didn't even realize I was in NC!!!

With that one incident aside, if any of her children are not home when she calls you can expect a pretty nasty message ... like if we're purposefully not answering the phone when she calls. She is terribly distressed if any of us are not contacting her. She depends on her children to keep herself up. If we do not contact her she sees it as rejection. Honestly, the less you have to do with my mom the nicer she is to you to try to win you back.

I do not think my mom knows what fun is. Everything she does is for reasons to be seen and adored.

My mom does not need a lot of money, as long as she appears to have money. So she accepts her fincials fairly well ... she just looks for deals and waits for comments of her looking like a million bucks.

K, now for my DH's friend who I **believe** is an anti-social. Now I would say he does know how to have fun ... it's pretty dangerous fun & could be at the expense of others, but I know he has fun. He was only in our lives as he lived in the same state ... sort of passing through until life took him elsewhere. He contacted us a couple of months before moving here & we have not heard one word from him since he moved away. We are no longer needed so there is no reason for contact.

He was comletely into money. It was his dream to live in a penthouse. When he bought a condo it had to be on the top floor so in his head it was a penthouse. He had many extremely expensive cars. I don't think there was anything in his home that was not top of the line.

He was telling my H and I a story about how a friend of his hit a pedestrian in the middle of the night while driving his car. It was amazing, the person was not any part of the subject ... it was all about the damage to his car! My H and I kept asking about the woman and he kept going on about his car. Finally, when he was done talking he could hear us and told us the stupid woman, wearing black, crossing the road in the middle of the night survived fine. No emotion or concern about this woman who was hit.

He was completely controlling of his GF especially in their marriage. He tried to plan everything through me & I kept telling him he needed his GF to get involved or there would be problems. He wouldn't, he had full control. So when she ended up getting their marriaged annulled it did wreck him. I could never tell if it was from losing her or losing the 10+ yrs of work he had put into her.

Then when he started to date again, before the annulment was complete, he would only look at young woman ... undamaged woman, women w/o baggage. Women our age would mean they've had a relationship before and something went wrong. PLUS he looked for women (online) in countries where women are usually submissive to males. He needed to know he had their full control & they were pristine. He would seriously leave the country every few months to go meet 3-4 women at a time as he went 'bride shopping.'

I don't know if my descriptions above help at all?? Thought I'd try though.

lynn1234 · Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 718

Tearlet...

Thank you for your examples of an N and Sociopath... I guess I am still a little confussed. My NM seems like a mixture of both.. Maybe even more of a Sociopath...

It also took my NM months to realize that I had gone NC last year.. Then I started contact again.. Now I am hopefully NC for good... So, I can definately relate to your story!

As far as the sociopath thing with money.. My NM thinks I owe her money.. who knows why? I have never borrowed anything from her? I guess it's just because I exist to fulfill her wishes... Rolling Eyes

She does desire a good time.. Alcohol, reckless parties, and a biker/hippi mentality... Her kids always interfered with her plans for a "good time"

She also is into contol....

On the N side she enjoys peing feared... I guess it gives her a sence of Power... She also creates drama to get attention but doesn't seem to need adulation....

I suppose maybe she is a mix of the 2.... A sociopathic Narcissist....Maybe this kind of N is one that borderlines on a Psychopath.. I have been thinking that my NM is one step away from a Psyschopath...

Thanks for shareing your stories.. that was terrible how the sociopath in your story wasn't concerned about the wellfare of the woman he hit. Confused

Tearlet · Joined: 31 Mar 2008 Posts: 29

There really is no easy answer without being a specialist ... and I find it very hard to believe anybody can convince somebody they have a narcissistic personality. It's an oxymoron. To convince somebody they have NPD means they would have to accept they are not perfect ... it doesn't work!

How can one could get such a person into see a specialist??? LOL, yeah, you should have seen my mom in an Alonon meeting. I still chuckle everytime I think of it. What were we thinking taking her to one???

See I have this sister. I cannot tell if my sister has a personality or a mental disorder. I think she is Borderline, but she's been diagnosed with Bipolar ... although a therapist she was seeing was thinking of changing it to Borderline, but she didn't see him more than a few times so he never could really dx her. (A psych ward dx'd her bipolar.)

Lately I've been wondering maybe she really is narcissistic too? Or, maybe, she is Borderline & it's moving toward narcissism? Maybe it goes in steps? Borderline to Narcisissm to Antisocial??

Dunno. I'm learning to let go of her emotionally now. She is becoming more & more unstable and unwilling to seek help. I feel bad for her five children, but what can I do? She's already had child welfare services in her life & they've already said she is fit to be a mother again. So I'll focus on my own family now.