Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Shadey Lady · Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Posts: 172

Nancy,

It has been a couple weeks since you have posted. I hope that you are well and busy with your kids or Christmas plans. Let us know if you are okay. It is a concern to me that you posted so often before and suddenly there are no new posts from you. I don't want to seem nosy, but sudden silence makes me uneasy.

Peace, Shadey Lady

rcsdgrl · Joined: 08 Mar 2007 Posts: 37 Location: Southeast USA

Please Nancy...post something. I start worrying when someone here posts almost everyday, and then stops. Even tho I don't post here often, I always read everybodies coments about what is going on in their lives and I know they are OK. What's going on? Are you alright? RC

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 908

deleted

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1371 Location: Connecticut, USA

I'm OK. Thanks for thinking about me, and sorry to have worried you.

I was seriously triggered by a man posting on the general N board, and needed to walk away for awhile. I needed to work with my therapist on why my reaction to his posts was so very painful for me, and how to keep it from happening to me again. I really don't want that to happen again.

I hear stories here all the time of what other Ns have done to other people, and how they project their disorder onto their victims, but to hear it told first hand by the perpetrator himself with him trying to appear to be, or perhaps honestly thinking he is, the victim, well, it really set me off. The only time I'd ever heard the N's own version before was from my own XN. They really do appear to be all cut from the same cloth.

So, here I was reassuring superheromom that Ns are everywhere and that this is a safe place even though there are Ns lurking about, and wham! I'm hit out of the blue with the biggest reaction to a trigger I've had since the XN himself. It was big and bad and very, very unpleasant. My therapist said I did everything right. I recognized him, I called him out on it, I set my boundaries (unfortunately, that meant to stay away until I was pretty sure he was gone), and I cried out the pain of it... a lot.

Then I went on a trip to visit an old friend I hadn't seen in 25 years. I didn't tell my kids about the trip until the night before I left. By the time XN caught wind of it via the kids, I was already on a plane headed across the country. The very next morning, my first morning there, I was awoken by the ring of my cell phone. I saw it was my lawyer calling, and didn't answer it. Her voice mail said that she knew I was away, but had to inform me of recent developments. I called back when I was fully awake, and left a message for her saying please only call back if you do not intend to ruin my trip. She didn't call. Finally, I called again and said call me back anyway, because my imagination will ruin the trip as easily as the reality of it.

When I heard from her, she said that XN's lawyer called to say that he knows I'm away and wants action and accountability now. He was making all kinds of demands for financial statements and money, and said that I must sell the business by Dec. 31st (or else?). I'm dragging my feet (although I was willing to agree with the mediators while he was not), and I'm squandering "our" assets. When I explained to my lawyer that this was his reaction to learning of my trip, and that his only motivation was to let me know how omnipotent, powerful, and far-reaching he is, that he can destroy my trip from across the continent, she understood. She responded to him by not letting him know that she called me, and instead saying that as he full well knows, I am on vacation, and that this matter would have to wait until I return.

What a creep!

But the rest of my trip was great. I re-connected with my old friend, and with myself. And... I "squandered our assets" on a mean-ass pair of cowboy boots! No, I didn't go for the lizard boots, or the cayman, or even the ostrich or stingray. I was tempted, but after all I will be wearing them in Connecticut, the "land of steady habits". I settled on a nice, fairly conservative pair of handmade Luccheses in black and tan. And I never would have bought them if it weren't for that damn phone call, yet another blessing in disquise.

NancyCT · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1371 Location: Connecticut, USA

Hey RC, what's up with that avatar? It makes me wince because I KNOW he's gonna drop her! Is it just me? Oh well, back to the ol' therapist. Confused

Shadey Lady · Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Posts: 172

Nancy,

I am glad you are okay, and I fully understand why you took some time away from the boards. These things and posters flare up once in a while; in fact it is why I stayed away from forums for a while. I am glad you can recognize abuse and excuses when you hear it. It is tough, but we just have to fight it out and understand why we are "triggered". There are several phrases that my counselor would use that would really bother me, and I had to tell her that those phrases usually meant that N was going to start reading me the riot act. Even though I have been away from N for years now, they still pulled me back into the walking on eggshells/panic/losing my train of thought mode. They still affect me, even though I now recognize that no one will harm me by using them.

I am glad you got some (sigh, sensible) boots. You go girl. But please stop enjoying yourself and spending money. We just can't have that.

Gosh, your N is sure predictable. They just want everything, and they want it on their timetable. It doesn't matter that you wanted things settled months ago and had to wait for court, now he wants to do things the way you asked him to months ago. Go figure why they want to make things so difficult. oh yeah, I forgot- omnipotent and powerful.

Glad to see you back

Peace, Shadey

vmm · Joined: 07 Aug 2007 Posts: 185

It looks like Ns attny willing joins his game to "harass you into line". Mine was too. A genuine woman hater. Very crroked attny as well. I think you have a long road ahead of you.

Its so commical what these Ns will get their attny to say for them. "You are required to sell the business by blah, blah..

You already sold the business this last summer. The buyer took it over from you, closed it then broke contract. He drives the business car tho. and still drains form the value of the business. You intend to sue this buyer for damages.