Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

lynn1234 · Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 718

My NM called about a week ago after not hearing from her for 3 months and I have been NC... The last time I spoke to her she upset me and I told her that she is an N.. She didn't seem to care... She called my husband that day and was trying to justify her N behavior and turned the tables on me saying that she was afraid to speak with me because she doesn't want me to fly off the handle at her for something... (as if I just get upset for no reason) Rolling Eyes

Anyway, we haven't spoke since that day... I refuse to speak with her when she isn't taking responsibility for her actions and putting the blame on me, making excuses and justifying her N behavior...never apologizing for the way she does and says things.... you guys know what I am talking about....
So, she called about a week ago.. She called on my husbands cell phone since she knew I wasn't speaking to her... She always trys to gloss things over but won't appologize... To top it off my husband is in the public eye so something he is doing is going well.. she found out about it and now she is buttering him up and I feel used.. once again..it's about her.. what she can get from his recent success...I know that is why she called.. She wouldn't have called otherwise.... She treats us like a stranger would...I realize there is no bond between my mother and I and never has been...
She has never called us cause she cared only to snoop and see how she can benifit.. all her calls have had an angle.. usually to keep me around for her supply.. now she thinks she can really benifit once again from something my husband is doing.. so she called to stay in with him...
I feel like she thinks of us as a buisness deal... she calls her daugher and son-in-law to check in... keep the buisness contact... keep the possible oppertunities coming in for her that she could have knowing us....
Do any of you also feel treated this way with your N's?

limited · Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Posts: 47

Yeah, I don't want to bore you since I already told you some of my experiences in that department, BUT it was really interesting to me that you said your mother never apologizes and just glosses over her actions. My mother and brother are just the same: they NEVER apologized for anything. When I visit them (long trip for my family and myself) they often create a tense situation by offering to do something together, like an afternoon trip or just to go out for pizza, then proceeding right after to find the most ridiculous reason to not do what they just suggested. The right pizzeria is not open, too much traffic, too tired, not relaxing enough...and then they act all pissed off that they should do something with me anyway, forgetting it was their original idea. If I get annoyed I'm immediately "looking for fights", aggressive, ill-natured and so on. Even when they do the most blatantly wrong or insulting things and we have a huge confrontation, they just let a little time go buy and then act kind of sweet toward me (it looks very fake) without ever acknowledging anything ever happened or apologize. Is this typical of all Ns?

limited · Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Posts: 47

Yeah, I don't want to bore you since I already told you some of my experiences in that department, BUT it was really interesting to me that you said your mother never apologizes and just glosses over her actions. My mother and brother are just the same: they NEVER apologized for anything. When I visit them (long trip for my family and myself) they often create a tense situation by offering to do something together, like an afternoon trip or just to go out for pizza, then proceeding right after to find the most ridiculous reason to not do what they just suggested. The right pizzeria is not open, too much traffic, too tired, not relaxing enough...and then they act all pissed off that they should do something with me anyway, forgetting it was their original idea. If I get annoyed I'm immediately "looking for fights", aggressive, ill-natured and so on. Even when they do the most blatantly wrong or insulting things and we have a huge confrontation, they just let a little time go buy and then act kind of sweet toward me (it looks very fake) without ever acknowledging anything ever happened or apologize. Is this typical of all Ns?

limited · Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Posts: 47

Yeah, I don't want to bore you since I already told you some of my experiences in that department, BUT it was really interesting to me that you said your mother never apologizes and just glosses over her actions. My mother and brother are just the same: they NEVER apologized for anything. When I visit them (long trip for my family and myself) they often create a tense situation by offering to do something together, like an afternoon trip or just to go out for pizza, then proceeding right after to find the most ridiculous reason to not do what they just suggested. The right pizzeria is not open, too much traffic, too tired, not relaxing enough...and then they act all pissed off that they should do something with me anyway, forgetting it was their original idea. If I get annoyed I'm immediately "looking for fights", aggressive, ill-natured and so on. Even when they do the most blatantly wrong or insulting things and we have a huge confrontation, they just let a little time go buy and then act kind of sweet toward me (it looks very fake) without ever acknowledging anything ever happened or apologize. Is this typical of all Ns?

limited · Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Posts: 47

Sorry, I don't know why it double posted!

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 499

I suppose this "N-supply" phenomenon is a form of seeking approval? I think it is a symptom of loneliness, fear and low self-esteem. People maybe cling and grab and cross all sorts of boundaries to obtain any sort of confirmation that they are alive.

One example is the over-zealous mother who refuses to let go of their baby and does all sorts of damage unconsciously. I use this example because I was the baby. The other factor in my case was an austere father who unconsciously treated his children and wife with contempt.

So I think that the "N" acts in a way that is so unconscious that other people are not there except as a source of "N-supply." They can't see. They are asleep. So in the case of the ACON, it is particularly heartbreaking because the baby is so helpless and the "N" exploits this and all of a sudden you find yourself in such pain and in a situation where you are basically prey for the vultures. And life is hell and just shit and then the cycle of bad happenings gathers momentum and oh it is just a nightmare!

It is a great shame such things occur but so be it, can't argue with the Universe or the Omniverse! We aint here to question "why?"! Sucks to be an ACON sometimes.

zanderman1 · Joined: 01 Aug 2007 Posts: 434

thay, several weeks ago you called Ns "broccoli on legs" (loved it). I think that to them, we are the same -- and broccoli only matters when you are hungry for some broccoli. When they want something from us, we matter, but we aren't worthy of any more consideration than one would normally give to broccoli.

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 499

I suppose it is true that "N" behaviour is without empathy so essentially people are not people but sources of "N-supply." To be utilised rather than cared for. Blindness disables us to see people as "individuals" and what could be more blind than broccoli! But the way I see it - call it narcissism, blindness, unconciousness or broccoli mindedness - it is one and the same. We all do it, the "N" only differs in that they do it more than average (all the time).

lynn1234 · Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 718

I think the Bracolli on legs is cute too! Good analogy! Maybe that unconcious sleep state you talk about Thay is a Vegetative state!! Heh.. heh.. LOL...
Only thing is when I compare my NM to brocolli.. I like brocolli.. I had brocollin and cheese the other day and it tasted pretty good!

I would like to think of my NM as lima beans .. the food that I was forced to eat as a kid by NM and stepdad and to this day... I can't eat lima beans cause like NM they make me feel sick..LOL Laughing

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 499

Exactly - it is a vegetative state! That simple! (Broccoli is indeed a winner, very tasty and a nice texture when not overcooked.)