Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

ohgal · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 129

Ok, now that I've had a few days to think...my N acted exactly as I expected him to in court. Except that he usually (at least I would think) would show a little respect for the GAL/Judge/his own atty., but he didn't. As I said, he wore sunglasses, and took them off only when asked by his own atty. to do so. He kept his winter coat on, had jeans and a sweatshirt on under it. I, on the other hand had on "professional, motherly" clothes and no sunglasses! LOL!
He even kept going into his coat pocket and opening a bag of Skittles and shaking them into his hand and eating them. COCKY to say the least. You couldn't have paid me $1000 to be his atty. that day. She kept trying to take the focus off of his behavior and onto the fact that no one (GAL, Judge, etc) can dispute the fact that he is a "good father" LOL! When the GAL told N that he was ordering a neutral exchange site, because of the many tapes I have of N's attitude/behavior towards me, N said that I had superimposed his voice onto them. He said everything was "alledged" and he was innocent. The GAL told him that I am intimidated by him, to which the N sneered at me and said that I am crazy and tend to imagine things. My atty. then produced the MANY tapes we have of the exchanges and N's entire attitude changed. He then tried to change the subject. He called me obese and said that I used to be much thinner. The Judge (a woman) said that he would be in contempt if he continued to slander me. N just said, "I have pictures of her before, would you like to see them?" The judge told him that the pictures/my weight/hearsay had NO AFFECT on the proceedings. She and everyone there tried to put him in his place. I even overheard his own atty. telling him that he had to "let it go".
My atty. called me yesterday and said how proud he was of me for not falling into N's trap and for continuing to take the high road. He then said something that helped me put all this in perspective and I hope it can help some of you too:
"N may be a jerk..but as D's father, he is a jerk with certain rights and no amount of "jerkiness" can change that". He said that this was family court, not criminal court and they cannot take N away and lock him up for being a jerk. Atleast everyone in that room got to see the real N..I was afraid that he'd put on a show for all.
Good luck to any of you that have to deal with your N in trial...what an experience!

Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 876

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livedthroughit · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 946

OhGal,

ExN here has shown up in court in sweats a couple of times. In his sweats and holding his bible. We have never had a trial but we have been in the front of the judge on motions about 12 times. One time, we were in court because N was being investigated for child abuse and I was asking for him to be sent to therapy. Considering I didn't even know the people who turned him into the police for child abuse, he was not in a very good legal position. When our attorneys were presenting their arguements, I am not kidding, ExN built a shrine with photos of D and his bibles. If he goal was to look crazy, he did an excellent job.

Your ExN surely knows how to dress and act in court. I do think the sunglasses, the clothing, etc is their little way of rebelling against authority and the courtroom Ns have little control.

I do understand what your attorney said about him being a jerk with rights. I understand that. What is tough for me is that clearly he is screwed up. Clearly he emotionally and verbally abuses you right in front of d and I don't understand why the courts think that is okay. But, unless you can produce hard evidence that d is at risk, the courts really don't want to get involved.

Hang in there. Sounds like you are holding up wonderfully.

1ablueprincess · Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 195

Okay, here we differ. My N wears clothing to court and brags about how expensive they are. One time at a child support hearing he was bragging how he spent $500.00 on his shirt and pants he had on that day. My N is much too concieted to allow his appearance (clothing anyway, not mannerisms) to be anything less than perfect. He never chews on anything either.

BUT he has given photos of me to the court! He gave a whole bunch of NUDE polaroids of me to the court at one hearing. And he also gave a bunch of photos of me in Las Vegas when I worked there as a cigarette girl and some other photos of me in a bikini, he gave those photos saying I was a PROSTITUTE and he said I was ARRESTED 11 times for it in Vegas!!!! He complained about me having a tatoo in the bikini photo (even though I only have one and OW has a bunch of them all over)!!!!
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Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 876

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1ablueprincess · Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 195

Summer, he gave the court my nude photos (which were taken over the course of our 11 year marriage) to the judge to show him that I did not have bruises in the photos. The judge did not look at the photos (at least not in the court room). I was living at the Women's Shelter with my kids at the time and the judge had the bailiff send the photos to the Shelter and return them to me. And YES it did make N look like a COMPLETE A$$!! It was terribly embarrassing to me (which was the REAL reason N gave the judge the photos... to humiliate me)!!

It is funny (or not so funny), N wears expensive clothes to court..... but my children and I wear clothes bought at thrift shops and that were given to us by the Women's Shelter, Salvation Army and friends because N has cheated us out of sooooo much money through the years AND because of all the money I have had to pay in expert witness and attorney fees.

Even though my clothes are hand-me-downs they are always clean. I only have about 4 dresses, and since 2003 have only worn the same dresses to court.

As far as sitting in the same room with your N and listening to his LIES, stomach it because you cannot stop him. And NO he will NOT negotiate, he will want to "go all the way" and unfortunately even Ns have rights.

Should I point out n,s LIES and the fact that n has LIED to S, and refuses to share medical information, let alone co-parent and also that n has written on his numerous dating profiles that he is "willing" to relocate and take my son with him?

ABSOLUTELY!! Let the judge know EVERYTHING!!
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Summer · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 876

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vmm · Joined: 07 Aug 2007 Posts: 175

"I find it unfathomable that the kids attorney has requested this meeting to reach some kind of an agreement with cusody"

This may be required per court rules. Don't be suprised if N brings a huge stack of BS against you to the kids attny to scare if (KA) from giving you custody.

Ohgal
I can't believe that the judge did not ask N to remove the dark glasses. Maybe his eyes were all red or stoned out.

ohgal · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 129

One thing I will say is that NO MATTER what the real evidence was that I had, it seemed as if no one other than me and my atty. seemed to care. I think these Family Courts are all about clearing up the case, closing it and filing it away. This would be fine if not for a N being involved. I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE END! I even told my atty. so and he agreed.
Summer~
The best advice I can give you about your N and seeing him is to just be yourself. You can bet that he will stop at nothing to make you look bad, and to take the focus off of him. IT IS THE HARDEST thing I have ever done. To be right across the room from him, listen to his lies, listen to his "cop voice" (N is monotone and rambles on and on...) and have to look at him. But, I survived and so will you. TAKE THE HIGH ROAD and do not fall into his lap. He will stop at nothing to get a rise from you. Don't let him! Take a book to read because surely you will have lots of time before it actually starts and it will take your mind off of N and what maight happen. Believe me, the unknown is the worst! Stay focused and do not give in to something you aren't comfortable with. You will do fine.

1ablueprincess · Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 195

When ever I have had a hearing or the trial, the attorneys ALWAYS had to "meet and confere". Yes, it is always a waiste of time with Ns and so is mediation.... but as far as I know they are required.
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