Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

Hi every one,
I am so upset all over again. I am not sure when this will end. My mother called and she wants to put her life insurance on my name and I make payment by my check and she said she will pay me every month.
I am not exactly sure how that works, but do I care? I am upset because she wants to use me again, or make me feel guilty. "If I die, I want to make sure there is money for funeral."
I told her I can not do this because this is not a pleasant thing for a child to go trough every month and I am sorry I can not do it. I also told her it's not about money. Which she was worried I thought she will not pay me every month.
She is barely 60 years old. She is acting like she is going to die today or tomorrow. I am sick and tired, and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
NO, this family really think I am stupid.
PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

alamobelle3 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 615 Location: San antonio Texas

Good for you for saying no to such an insane request - she is not capable of writing a check ? No I think she wanted the money ( value )
in your face at all times . Pathetic

Let me guess - you have no grace or talent either and your success in
life is a huge fluke . Turning those tapes off was the challenge of my
life. I finally have a mother ( mil ) acquired at 38 who tells me often
she loves me and how great I am . There are days I actually believe
her.

Part of my problems were " You dont have the sense god gave a goose " yet at 9 years old was put in charge of siblings but also her emotional
health . Kinda nuts to assign that to an idiot !
_________________
illegitimis non carborundum

Ginger Rodgers matched Fred Astaire step for step only she did it backwards and in high heels !

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

I don't know what it is anymore alamobelle. I do not know what she wants! I was the perfect daughter, and now she is pulling any thing she can.
Turning those tapes are hard for me too. I have a talant and success but I can not own it, any of it.
My mother never has told me she loved me. She sill does not say it.
All of a sudden she starts talking openly about death and funeral. Of course, she talks because this is about her and every thing is about her.

You know, I was also put in charge of my 4 years older than me brother.
I was a mother since 7 years old. She did not know about any pain I was going trough. She just went to work in the morning and came back in the evening. I had a father who lived in the same house (different exit) and ignored and neglected me every day. And I had grandfather (her father) who molested me. This was so much pain, and she did not know any of it. Now, stop, we gotta talk about her death and funeral.

You know I give up alamobelle. Sad

sorry all of these are so sad.
PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 488

Well guess what? I think your mother is stupid and my opinion is worth more. I could go further and say with confidence that every single person in our community here thinks your mother is stupid and simple math can tell you what that means. Tomorrow Girl.

alamobelle3 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 615 Location: San antonio Texas

PL -

the short answer is attention and control . the long one is too long to
type out tonight or any other .
How are things between her and your brother ? Is he any help ?

Just keep saying NO - it gets easier I am finding out . I say it
much more frequently now .
_________________
illegitimis non carborundum

Ginger Rodgers matched Fred Astaire step for step only she did it backwards and in high heels !

SpiritShell · Joined: 24 Mar 2007 Posts: 377 Location: Canada

Well, PL, thats great that you recognized she wanted to use you as a tool and not giving in. You didn't feel obligated to give her any control - that's awesome!

Sounds like its not about the money to her, too. Just control. NS every month. An excuse for contact. She wants your attention and pity that she is old. But anyway - you dun good.
_________________
"Why are narcissists not prone to suicide? Simple: they died a long time ago."

tiredinpa · Joined: 24 Mar 2007 Posts: 48 Location: Pennsylvania, USA

Keep saying NO.

And a funny tidbit, is that the letters N and O are the fourteenth and fifteenth letters in the alphabet. Keep that in mind.

No no no no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Laughing

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

alamobelle,
You know things between her and my brother are equally similar I would say as it is with me. But given they are a very cultural family; a son always have a biggest favor. So, her attachment to him and the fear of abandonment makes her do anything she can get away with, including using me. Does that make any sense? My brother and I have always been a team because somehow we could relate to similar pain. As the time went by I realized that my brother also is NOT taking a responsibility for his own issues and he is using/controlling/manipulating me in the process. So, it is better if I just stay away from both of them all together.
I do not enjoy saying this words and I wish I had a loving family, but I have to look at myself as someone whose wants and needs are also important. And the only person can insure that they are met, I learned, is myself.
alamobelle, thank you. your words are so wise and concrete all the time.

Hey thayilflies, thanks for posting. Always looking forward to what yhou have to say. Thank you for pointing out who the stupid one is. I feel so sad for her. But we all hope to grow up at one point in our lives, and it is not going to be her.
Oh you asked a questions in my other post about where I park my car if not in the garage. Well, I am moving my family out and the garage is full of boxes, and plus my "office" is here due to not having enough space. Smile

But now I have all for myself. whooo hohhoo!!! It's my house and MY garden.
Okay, enough about me, keep me posted on how you are doing, what you are learning, what are your new feelings about your past. You know, that stuff we all are going trough. Okay guy Wink

SpiritShell, thanks for reminding me of the control, monthly supply. It makes perfect sense. It's sad and funny all the the same time which brings tears to my eyes.
How is your school and the little guy? How are you doing?

tiredinpa, Thanks Smile

I love that word "NO" that makes me stronger. Smile

I really did not know which number it is in the alphabet. Smile

Thank you dear.

Hugs every one,
PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

whyness · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 102

Pretty_Lady

She is just trying to hook you with guilt tiredinpa.

My NM started in with various 'death guilt tripp themes' when she was in her 40's, saying things like 'Well one day you won't have a Mother to talk back to' and crap like that when I would disagree with some of her idiotic behavior...

What your NM is doing is really disgusting and and a creepy way of trying to guilt you, your NM trying to put her impending 'death' in your face every month is just pathetic. It's a charade she is putting on, it is really sick and shows she has no shame whatsoever in her con game, and that's exactly what it is!

good luck in getting the hell away from her, you really should in my opinion.

whyness

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 692

Lmbo at what Thay said, you best listen. Everyone here said it right. I am so proud that you had the strength to say no. Egads, who asks that of their kid...tell her to get her own money order. I do believe its another ploy, this way she has to see you once a month.....

Hang tight, we are with you,
justmee

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

Thank you whyness. I feel soooooooooooooo much better reading all those strong words. You guys help me see the clear picture for what it is.
whyness, I did not see your post but I saw justmee's. Then I notice you posted and i was surprised. lol okay, I am having a add day, but that's okay, that's my day. Smile

Thank you justmee. I do not know who ask that of a child. N mother maybe? I don't know, it's a wild guess. Laughing

I came up with 9 reasons today why she might have done it. But that's okay, most importantly I said no without much guilt.

sigh
PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

whyness · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 102

Pretty_Lady,

You are quite welcome and I will reiterate, she is trying to con you and tripp you up with guilt with her 'woe is me, death is near' tripp...

I can see right through this because it was used on me so often and it's a load of BS.

My NM would also use..."The days are getting shorter", anything to get me to feel sorry for her by hook or by crook.

Whenever there was a disagreement about something she said or did she tried to lie her way out of it, and when all else failed she would whimper..."I don't feel good, I'm sick, I can't take this'...turning it back to me doing something to her, when all I did was either catch her in a lie or saying something completely inappropriate.

It was always turned back to ME doing something to poor ol her...!

She can't take it??? HA! I was the one taking all her lies and crap, and if I stood up to her, she could never admit any fault and have to lie her way out of it or 'play sick or insinuate her days were numbered, something along those lines so I would back off and feel guilty and it worked for most my life...

What unscrupulous people, who will lie on the spot or try and mess with your emotions with impending death guilt tripps that are completely made up to manipulate you..

A person who does this is no better than a thief who is stealing from you, they have no consideration for you at all or what is true.

Take care...

whyness

SpiritShell · Joined: 24 Mar 2007 Posts: 377 Location: Canada

Hi PL - my boy is good, he just had his birthday a week and a half ago. We had a small party and it was really nice. School is good too, making progress.

It is sad and funny - I'm sorry that its your own mother. But you were very tough to stand up to her.

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

Hi SpiritShell,
ahhhh, I came up with 10 reasons why my mother did this, but I feel even more sad when I discover more reasons.
It was exactly that! What I am also upset about is that she made me feel like I am doing something bad to HER. I am not being understanding and I am so selfish. Ahhhhh, she might think I am retarded. You know I asked her one time not too long ago if she thought I was retarded. She told me "What are you talking about, don't you make all your decisions?"
Yes, of course I do, decisions that a guilt driven that serve her. Now I get it. But not anymore. I feel so peaceful and I look different too. ahhhhh, sigh.

Okay, funny story.
My friend had told me that he is going to send me a invitation for his wedding. He told me that when we went out to lunch 3 of us, including our other friend. So my other friend got the invitation and I did not and I wondered why. So, today I just got out of the shower and I was all wrapped up in the towels. Then I walked to the living room and the were lights off. I have a small window that is not covered that looks outside.
So, I heard a car, I thought it was the neighbor. Next thing I know my friend was waving at me from the window. lol I ran out of the site. It was so embarrassing. Man, I wish he called, but because I had changed my number he did not know. So, then my my other friend is calling to warn me about this one. Little bit too late. Geezzz.
I think I am going to bed. Today has to be over. Smile

Thank you guys for being there. Ahhh, I don't know what I do without this group.
Have a good week.
Hugs, PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

SpiritShell · Joined: 24 Mar 2007 Posts: 377 Location: Canada

Ahhh! I didn't mean to remind you of more! Maybe it helps that I'm NC, but when I realise all the madness behind her motive I feel better. I know its not me. The deceit does hurt though for a while though. Like, I always thought my mother always had my best interests at heart. When I realised how selfish it all actually was, and that I was more a tool then a daughter.. it really blew my illusions wide open. But it helped to shake off those claws embedded into my back. Darn straight PL, not anymore, I'm so glad you're feeling the peace Smile

.

That just reminded me.. back when I was a teen and trying to meditate and/or pray.. I kept feeling like some little monster was jumping onto my back clawing at me. Now I know who that was. I keep meaning to get back into meditating.. now that I am my own again.

I don't know if actually thinks you're stupid and retarded .. but she'll make you seem like anything instead of be in the light of her own mistakes. Have you read this link on projection?
http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/projectionaglimpseofhell.msnw
And then yes of course, she'll completely deny she ever implied it! Make you feel like you're nuts. But you're most certainly not.

My son is watching a show with an obnoxious frog.. and telling him to "SHH", lol.
_________________
"Why are narcissists not prone to suicide? Simple: they died a long time ago."