Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

I just realized my mother did the N thing.
Lately, we only spoke on the phone if she called me, because I would not call her after her crocodile tears on the phone about month ago, which really made me to draw the line.
So, she had called me last night. I did not answer because I was sick and sleeping. So, I returned her call this morning. After short talk, and after she found out I was really sick, she told me she will call me later on to ask me how I am doing. Guess what? She has not called.
I think this is a very typical N trait that “you can not discard me I will discard you.” They will bring you to a point when you will be expecting their call(or something) and they will not call. Interesting. She just maybe proved that she is who I thought she was.
Tomorrow is the mother's day. What am I supposed to do? Call her not call her? I am not sure. I guess I own her a call for being a mother.
I hope you guys are hangin in there, I know we all have similar problems with N parents.
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 367

PL, oh, do I know your dilemma, I thought you were completely NC, I'm amazed that you can even handle having a little contact with her. She did the N thing for sure, they are never going to be there when or if you really need them, I have hundreds of examples of that, it's taken 30+ years to finally give up those expectations. You don't owe her a call just for being your mother, the social obligations don't apply to Ns in their "world" and they justify it all the time. It's a tough day for me, being a mother, I know how hard it must have been, but then, I look to the times when she knew (because others told her) their were big problems, offered help, and she choose to ignore it, justify it, and that's where it lies. I can't go back for more and hope you can stay strong and do the same. Hope you are feeling better, they always seem to get to you when you are down. Take care. WLW

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

Thank you wlw, so glad we all understand what the other goes trough here.
I got up this morning and my telephone was already beeping. It was a call from my mother. I already know, this mean she needed to call me and get me out of the way, so her phone does not ring (and I am the caller) when she is maybe with the family. I know, I bring her shame, why? Because, I dare to stand up for myself and say, the life God gave me is us good as any one of you and I can live it the way I want to. But lets move on. I call her back, just so the ball is in her court. I already know, she would not pick and and she did not. She can no logner turn me around over and over and use me as she wants. Boundaries are getting stronger as the time goes by with similar situations.

Yes, wlw, I am still talking to her and not in completely NC. This is a big progress compared to the time not too long ago when I talked to her every day. Now we talk if she calls me. My answers are always to her are "Yes, no, I don't know, hmmmm, don't need that, ahhhhh, I see."
Then comes her somebody big and adult (like my brother) is sick and having a health issues, which he does not take care of. I know it's her guild trip which I do not buy. Anyway, Life has gotten better for me for not talking to her as much. But I do wish i had a mother who loved me.
We all deserve a mother who loved us wlw.
I know you are having a tough day, but it's the day God created it. I am not a huge religious person but I believe in higher power. Take care of yourself today since you are just as important. You deal whta you have in hands and you never forget your self importance in the process.
Hugs, PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 488

What did you do for mother's day PL? I somewhat reluctantly sent a short e-mail saying I'd be thinking of her on MD. I think it was the right thing to do since I am grateful what she has done for me and she isn't the N. Nor have I been the perfect son. Father's day will be a different case.

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

thayilflies,
I called my mother to wish her Happy Mother's Day yesterday after her N thing. It was her who said, "just because you buy me a gift on M-day does not make you a good daughter." Well, I have the free phone for her, but I did not even told her that, but that's her M-day gift.
I am tired thayilflies, tired of hoping my mother will be one day my mother. It's okay, I was born alone and I will die alone. It's not like I just found it out.

Good thing your mom is not a N. That makes a huge difference.
Hope you have a good day. BTW, what part of the world are you? For some reason I always think that you might not be in US, because you always post later in the day. I live in California. Smile

PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 692

I didn't expect California. For some reason I thought you might live in the south, lol.

justmee

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 367

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

Noooooooooooooo funny lady (justmee Smile

) I am not from south. Smile

I lived in LA for 17 years, then I moved little bit farther, still in California.
Where are you justmee? If you can share?

Where are you guys all from? Would be interesting to know. Smile

wlw, you cry? I think maybe it's a good stage you know? I cry a lot lately too, I wanted to start a topic about it. Smile

You know maybe it is sign of healing? There was a time when I did not cry about anything.
Yes, I think every thing is going to be okay. You have 3 kids? I know they are so cute!! I love kids!!!
Thank you dear for such a kind words, hugs. (and I cry Smile

)
You stay strong you. Smile

Repeat, we are all in this together.
PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 692

Lol, I am not sure why I thought you lived in the south. I was born and raised in New Jersey, now I live in West Virginia....went from a city girl to a hillbilly....Its a long story...lol

hugs,
justmee

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 488

I reside in the Great Southern Land, Australia.

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 367

justmee, what a big change for you, do they call you yankee or you must be from the NORTH? I was born in Ohio and moved to the south, tip of Texas, near the border grew up there and moved away to Galveston/Houston and we've been here for 15 years, too many. Still have the yankee accent with southern sayings, my kids say you'all, fixin to do something, etc.. they are texans and proud of it! I love the southwest and hope to move there someday... So interesting to meet people on line from other countries (Australia) dealing with the same issues, we're more alike than different.
BTW, thayflies, my NF wanted to move to your beautfiful country to escape taxes, the corrupt government, etc.. I sure hope not for your sake Laughing

PL, the dr. said I need to get off the zoloft, I'm dreading the drug changes, hope this helps my liver, though. I will keep you updated...

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 692

I bet it is beautiful there Thay. Wlw, both of my kids were born in Ohio. Sandusky in Erie County. I lived there for a short time.

When I was in the eighth grade, my dad decided to sell our home and move to WV. Honestly, he wanted to become a farmer. So we moved out here and into a chicken coop. It had no water, power or bathroom. He hid the money. We would pull water from a well to take a bath in and the bathroom, you took a shovel and went over the hill. Well, he started to improve the chicken coop and eventually got power hooked up. We heated with wood and he bought a pig and 50 chickens. One day he let the chicks loose and they ran into the garden, eating everything, so he took a yard stick and beat the chickens to death. I just stood and cried, so that ended the famer crap. I do not think I will ever forget those bloody chicks.
After that he went wacko and we tried to stay far away, even if it meant hiding in the woods til dark....egads, am I in a dark mood or what, sorry..

There goes the rambling mad woman again....so tell me, where did you live in Ohio??
PL, I figured out why I thought you were from the south...its youre manurism.....you make me think of a southern Lady...

Cricket · Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 113

It's funny, I always just assumed that Thay was an Aussie when he was looking to rent a "flat" and quit "university" (us kids from the U.S. would be more likely to rent an apartment and quit school). Also he never complains about the weather. Ever.

I travelled for a time with some very friendly Australians. I could only understand maybe half of what they said. Not because their accents were incomprehensible (that was the Scotts) but because they tended to abbreviate every single noun that had the misfortune of having more than one syllable. They'd abbreviate words in other languages (languages that I wasn't very good at understanding without the special Australian interpretation). And they would sing the Vegemite theme song at the drop of a hat. What's up with that, Thay?

Sorry to hear about the chickens, Justmee. I imagine that it must have been horrible for you. Don't belittle what was a traumatic experience by calling it "rambling". Rambling is me going on about poop for the millionth time. What you're doing is acknowledging that terrible, unfair things happened. Your life story is worth just as much as anyone else's, and even more to you. Here, of all places, it is understood that some stories need telling.

Pretty_Lady · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 554

awwwwwww .... Thank you justmee. Nice complement for me. Smile

HUGS
Talk to you soon every one, my garage is so hot and the computer is in the garage.

Love, PL
_________________
The way out is through the door you came in.
R.D. Laing

SpiritShell · Joined: 24 Mar 2007 Posts: 377 Location: Canada

I'm in BC, Canada, born and raised. Anyone visited Canada? In your travels did you come here, Cricket? My husband is from Texas. He grew up near Houston and has been to Galveston a few times. Thats so neat your kids are proud Texans, wlw. My husband has zero accent left!

I thought perhaps Thayilflies was a brit. I was sort've on the right track...

*hugs justmee* what an awful experience. Don't apologize for sharing.. we're here to listen.
_________________
"Why are narcissists not prone to suicide? Simple: they died a long time ago."