Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Gettinghappy wrote:I'm not sure if the letter was 100% the right thing to do, but as an ACON I'm trying to be okay with being less than perfect. It may have been a huge mistake, but I'm human and I'm entitled to make mistakes. No more striving for perfection for me. At least now I feel like I've clarified what I expect from them and if they choose to contact me, send gifts, etc. I can ignore them/send them back/delete them without feeling like I've left them wondering why. And now I feel like there are no loose ends, that I can put it to rest and not worry about it anymore.

At 50, I'm at the same stage as you in accepting that it's okay if I make mistakes sometimes ... just like normal people do. Isn't it wonderful?

Maybe I should start a new thread about this, but... I'm on a small dose of antidepressant for years and years and have to check in with my old psychiatrist a couple of times a year just to refill my Rx. I had a brief 30 minute session with her earlier this week and updating her on this NC stuff made me feel like crap. She could appreciate how difficult it was to go NC from my NF and was totally supportive of that. But she kept saying things like how my EM and ES/GC were caught in their relationship with my father and they were stuck and that maybe sending gifts to my kids was their way of keeping communication open (despite their 4 mos NC with me).

I had just sent EM and ES a letter which I outlined earlier in this thread and was feeling partly resolved and partly guilty for being so no-nonsense. I know they still both love me and my children, but the way they show it is unhealthy and doesn't work for me. They won't accept me unless I stay in a relationship with my NF and I'm not willing to do that anymore. I am hoping someday they find a way back to me but for now, being enabling and colluding with my NF, they've got a long way to go to figuring things out.

Since my session, I've been feeling guilty, my resolve is gone, and I'm doubting my decisions I thought were well thought out good ones. I don't know that it's all black and white, but I know that now I feel bad where I didn't before.

Any thoughts?

Its sounds like your psychiatrist doesn't really understand NPD or how proxies will act on the behalf on an N, therefore magnifying the abuse. And maybe the topic is triggering for her, and her personal feelings are coloring her professional advice.? In any case, your sister and mother aren't `caught' in a relationship with an abusive person- they have made a choice to be in the relationship, and to support the abuser over you.

I have felt stressed about my boundaries too, when it comes to non-N family members. More than once I've got the phone t explain myself to them, and just to let them know I still love and care about them. They aren't N's, so they don't twist my wrds and play nasty games with me. But they do fundermentally act on my N-parent's behalf, so I can't really invest my heart and trust in those relationships.

I guess you could explain your boundary to your sister and mother via a phone call, if you feel comfortable with that.

Gettinghappy wrote:Since my session, I've been feeling guilty, my resolve is gone, and I'm doubting my decisions I thought were well thought out good ones. I don't know that it's all black and white, but I know that now I feel bad where I didn't before.

While your shrink has a point, its validity is very questionable. NC isn't a decision that anyone takes lightly, and rarely is it an overreaction. Most who resort to it consider it the last resort to end intense psychic pain and actually wait way too long to make that decision. I'm surprised that she didn't intuitively know this, professional degree and license on the wall or not.

Personally, I have great faith in the correctness of the decision made by anyone who's shown no evidence of schizophrenia or paranoia and is pushed to the point of actually going NC. If you had any cause for doubt of the correctness of it, you wouldn't have made the decision that you did.

Take care of you, and be well, Gettinghappy.

Hi again everyone,
Sorry for the absence on this thread, but just wanted to let you all know that I had a beautiful, healthy baby girl the weekend before last. My two other kids were there with DH and I for the birth, and the whole thing was very solidifying for us as a family. Watching my husband look at me holding our three kids and seeing him tear up (without realizing I was looking at him) is probably the most tender moment I've ever experienced in my life. That's what real love looks like, and I'm lucky enough to be part of it. Life is so good.

And no contact from FOO. Relieved. Thanks again to all of you who helped me get through this time.

Love to all,
GH

YAAAAAY!!! :)

Congratulations!!! Many years to you and yours!!! :)

CONGRATULATIONS.. Gettinghappy awe thats brilliant so glad for you that all went well and you got a beautiful baby girl

Take care of urself in this busy time!!
Big Hugsxxx