Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

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I was responding to your original post when you changed it. I wish you hadn't. I have short term memory issues. Let me try to recall...

Mid to late 30's...seriously hampered by the N's. Hard time with confidence holding a job. Same thing here. I didn't get out of Narc land until I was 38. What helped me was to become self-employed.

You have been programmed to feel what you are feeling. The giving up.

My NM, when I was 22 and was ready for an apartment told me, while looking down on me and speaking to me as if I was a 4 year old said" Why don't you just let me hold your money and we'll see how well you do." That kind of stuff hits the buttons that they have carefully instilled and makes you feel very defeated, inept, insecure, doubtful. Stop falling for it.

No matter where you go, there you are. Set your boundaries and find strength.

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Sometimes we need time to think in order to help you better. Hang in there, we'll come through.

Self employment is everywhere. I have a housekeeper that does very well and is an ACON herself. Then there's the grass cutters. They make a killing.

Speaking of giving up and relating to your experience at 22-when I was around that age I was looking at rooms for rent in a paper and my NM accused me of being mad at her. Why else would I be looking at rooms? Unfortunately, I saw the obstacle and put the paper down.

OK, so are your seeing it? Confront the "obstacle" and overcome it.

Dog walkers also make good money. I had a friend who was unemployed for nearly 6 months and she supported herself just by walking dogs and occasional catsitting, even in this economy. People who have jobs, no children, and love their pets are willing to part with their money to make sure their fuzzy children-surrogates are well looked after. There are companies that specialized in doggy care and you sound like you get along very well with people in a work environment, so perhaps this is an option.

It sounds like you are willing to move several hours away. Cities that are "recession proof", like Washington DC and its surrounding districts, will have steady pool of childless, employed professionals obsessed with their pets. Also people are always looking for house/roommates (so you'll have your pick) and though you are leery about living in a house with strangers, often these are big town/row houses that allows residents their own privacy. When I first arrived in to this city I shared a house with 3 guys (I'm a girl) where I had my own spacious bedroom and bathroom (so I never had to yell at the guys to clean up after themselves) for $500/month.

The cities have youth hostels so you can show up with few bags of clothes and pay affordable nightly rents while you look for permanent place to live. Hostels are clean and safe.

Independence is a vital step towards your recovery; its why N's sabotage your confidence, undermine your independence, and try to keep you dependent financially & emotionally. They like to have the upper hand which makes challenging them a lot harder for practical reasons.

The very basics of independence are living in your own place and having your own income, so yeah, you've really got to get those things sorted. They are essential. The emotional independence will come later, and it will be a bucket load easier if your parents can't threaten to turf you out every time you challenge the status quo.

You're right, there is still a lot of work to be done after you're physically independent. But just take one step at a time. Of course you're scared, you've been trained that way. You are a capable woman, and you don't need to live with people who are undermining you.