Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

sweetcaroline51 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 524 Location: Canada

My sister is bi-polar. I have nothing to do with her because she is mean, selfish, hateful, manipulative, greedy and a liar. Medication or no medication, I cannot stand her for the reasons I mentioned so my answer is yes, I would abandon a 'friend" who was diagnosed with bipolar. I also abandoned my ex NP who was diagnosed with bi-polar. He was all of the above and then some.
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Caroline

stillsmilen · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 363

40 you said alot of things that bothered me. You made mention to how it's all his party, and you can't tell him certain things because that will set him off, etc, etc...

Is that how you want to live your life?? Dont you think you deserve to be happy and safe enough in your environment that you can say ANYTHING!!! And be in a relationship where YOU are just as important as him!!! Even if you dont think so.

Let me tell you... Your children sure deserve to be living in that kind of environment!!!

Life is too short to waste any time settling, 'dealing with' and not being in a GOOD situation, and to place your children in a situation where they are around a man who does not allow them to be important, is just heartbreaking, I will pray for them!!!

You cant allow yourself to be that desperate, your children deserve better. That's my opinion.

Cool

stillsmilen
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I made him very sorry that he chose me as a victim!!!
He may have knocked me down, but I got right back up... And kicked his a**!!
(metaphorically speaking ofcourse, but if he hadn't gotten the PPO, I probably would have done it literally too!!)

40fab · Joined: 10 Mar 2007 Posts: 22

Hey guys!

I've read your wonderful replies to my post. In reading your responses I quickly realized that I have NOT made myself clear - and I apologize. I want to first clarify that I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED. I must have made a typing error - my bad. I also do not live with this person. I wrote in my post that he lives in one county and I live in another county. We have never lived with him. I appologize if I made anyone out there feel that I belive in anyone staying in an abusive relationship. As far as me settling - I don't think I said that I was in love or that this is my man. I came into this group to read and share with others some experiences. My intention really was to share with others what skills I have learned whenever I come in contact with him and others - as I said in my post, I'm finding that N's are everywhere. I don not live with this person and I don't speak with him regularly. As far as my children are concerned they are both over the age of 18 years of age and have not been effective by any of this. In fact silly as it may sound - he's always been nice to them- go figure. Also in I am not comparing bipolar to NPD. What I should have said was that I try to understand others the way I need to be understood sometimes. It is true that I have experienced some of the things that others have have experienced with there N's. I've not been hit and I have not had to run or hide. As I said I would simply not communicate for long periods of time - I was not aware of NPD during those times. Is it possible that there are mild to severe forms of NPD?

I really did not me to seem like I am okay with NPD - because it is truly a sad state of condition - for all involved. If I have offended anyone please except my sincere apologizes.

Very Happy

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40fab

Nolongerhisvictim · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1435

Fab40,
I don't think you offended anyone, I think everyone was concerned for your well being and that typo didn't help...LOL! All is well!!!
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NLHV

40fab · Joined: 10 Mar 2007 Posts: 22

I'm sorry for your experience with your sister. And with your N. I am quickly learning that I have not experienced what others have experienced. I don't know if it is because I did'nt live with him or what - but I'm feeling like I have offened others when I stated what I have learned and how I go about things when I do have contact with this person.

Very Happy

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40fab

lemondroppr · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1464

No offense taken 40Fab. I was just concerned about you, from how I read you initial message. So, whew. I'm glad your not marrying this guy. Don't Smile

WindSong · Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:25 am Post subject:

No offense taken here either 40. I'm just glad that we read that wrong and you are not marrying an NP! Smile

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Confused and Dazed Administrator. Email me if you have any questions:
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Matilda · Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 1841

Hello 40,
how are you?

I read your post and this thread, and I might venture to explain that some things serve as "triggers" - you know...triggering unpleasant memories and flashbacks etc. And that's all par for the course, as you go along I guess you notice that you get (hopefully) triggered less and less. Because of the typo- then I guess your post served as a trigger. (please bear in mind we've all endured alot at the hands of these very disordered people, and many of has have had, or still have post traumatic stress disorder as a result.)

You know- it's like watching a scary movie where you see the heroine walking up the staircase with the candle and you know she's headed for the monster in the attic and she doesn't....lol...well when it was supposed in here that you were headed for a marriage with an n...it served as a trigger where everyone was screaming out "no"...lol...and whether you recognise it or not....that was support. Everyone was sticking up for your best interest! You were the "heroine" of that scary movie we've seen.

But now you have clarified that this is not the case that you don't live with the guy -have no intention of living with the guy - it's like a group "whew"!
And it's cool that you have worked out how to interact with an n (presumably at a distance). That is very hard - if not impossible- to do!
I guess you aren't emotionally involved with him then, cos it would seem to me that there's no way you can have a healthy emotional involvement with someone who suffers from a disorder (unless you are disordered yourself.)

Have you read the information here? The one that might be of particular interest to you is "who gets targeted". You mention you have bi-polar and that would sound like it makes you a perfect target for an n. Man the n's I have known would have a field day playing head games with you over that one. Did this guy do that (or does he) with you? If so, how do you cope. In fact, if you don't mind me asking, how do you cope or treat your bipolar? What kind of support do you have?

Anyhoo..doesn't matter if you have bipolar or not, but ultimately whether or not you allow yourself to be abused (whether verbally, emotionally, physically or spiritually) by the alleged n boyfriend. I hope not. Are you planning on continuing a relationship with him? And if not, is it a relationship with someone in the future you are seeking?

Let us know how we can best be of support to you.

Matilda
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"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out."-Steven Wright

stillsmilen · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 363

No offense taken, I'm just really glad you're not marring him, and REALLY glad to know that your kids aren't little and (if married) would be exposed to him on a daily basis.

I also feel your post is difficult because I know speaking for myself I wish my XNP had been the man he proclaimed himself to be, and there are times I wish our relationship could've worked, but then I remind myself, to stay with such a self centered, thoughtless slut of a man, would ultimately put my health at risk.

You ought to consider that too!! Wink

Matilda, I absolutely LOVE the scary movie analogy!!! That was perfect!!! And 40, Matilda is right, that's where we're coming from, I know I'd just hate to see you put yourself at risk.. physically (by catching an STD) or emotionally.

Cool

stillsmilen
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I made him very sorry that he chose me as a victim!!!
He may have knocked me down, but I got right back up... And kicked his a**!!
(metaphorically speaking ofcourse, but if he hadn't gotten the PPO, I probably would have done it literally too!!)

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1395

Well 40 I DID NOT run like hell when xp was diagnosed with bipolar disorder....I did the opposite...I went to classes...I read all of the books...I began a support group....I DID IT ALL...While HE...the one who owned the disorder DID NOTHING!I tried to pass on everything I learned only to have him 'not want to hear it' When I thought he was acting like he was skipping his meds I began to remind him or ask if he'd taken them only to be lied to and told yes....So I started counting them to have proof for him....After most of his Dr appts he would tell me how the Dr said I was HIS problem! The last straw was when he signed a privacy document stating his Dr could not listen to me AT ALL....nor could she talk to me AT ALL....What the hell???I was the only one having to live with his physical abuse as well as every other kind of abuse..not the strangers on the street he also treated horribly...ME....I had to live there or on the street.....and no one would help me...The nut held ALL the cards....I'm not calling him a nut because he had bipolar disorder....but because he refused the help that was offered....also because he is a PSYCHOPATH! My daughter was just diagnosed with a form of bipolar yet I dont see any of the behaviors in her I saw in her dad.And myself having a support group for bipolar spouses yrs back I know that women usually take responsibility for their disorders....take their meds and stay on them like they need to.Oh yes......I DID IT ALL...while he just did NOTHING!
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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1395

Also those with this disorder do NOT have ANY insight to their horrible behavior...dont have a clue why your upset with them...how their behavior affects others......I pray I never see this with my daughter....Her dad did have bipolar...no doubt about it....after our sons wedding when he made a scene in front of new daughter in laws family and daughter and I called him on it he went to bed for at least a week.....how is it possible to have any relationship with someone who sleeps all day and stays up all night checking to see if his currant gf has called? Like I said I dont see this in my daughter AT ALL and know there are different degrees of the illness....
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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

Matilda · Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 1841

thanks smilen Very Happy

Matilda
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"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out."-Steven Wright

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1395

In response to something Swet Caroline said here....I have 2 sisters...neither are bipolar...Both are the meanest bitches I've ever known...Too bad neither one has any excuse for being what they are...other than EXTREEMLY unhappy women...I have absolutly nothing to do with either of them....Would definantly run like hell to get away from them.....BUT theyre NOT bipolar.....just fu**ing cruel! And their circle of friends is only each other Embarassed

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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

40fab · Joined: 10 Mar 2007 Posts: 22

Hey Matilda and the rest of y'all - wazup!?

Anyway - I tried to make a post earlier asking how can I read the 27 replies to my post - somebody hit me back on that - please. I want to tell yiou guys that I am realizing that I have experienced some of what everybody else has experienced but without the same intensity. Although I've known him for 8 years we've never lived together but we did have ugly, arguments and he did make ugly statements - but I would always fire back with the same ugliness and I would be quick to call him on his crap - but he never put his hands on me - 'cause he knows better- but as I stated in an earlier post I have wittness do and say way out sh----t to other people. Do you guys think that some N's know you to do all the way and who not to do all the way? Some ask how I cope with my bipolar---- I take my meds - I never miss counsling - I study the word- and I play close attention to what I'm feeling daily and what I'm thinking and why. I have a wonderful support group - I do spend a great deal of time to myself- Bipolar is a strange disorder - A couple of members wrote and told me that the individuals they know a "mean" That's very likely but for me whenever I'm feeling "bipolarish" I usually isolate myself
so not to effect or impose on those that I love. the meds I take help with mood swings - which can go from extremly happy to painfully said if I'm not careful. It is extremly mandatory within myself that I pay close attention to myself at all times - I have to stay watchful of what is manic and what is normal. I make list each day and stick to the list. I don't use alcohol at all. Maintaining daily living balance is also important- there have been time when my house stays in perfect running order but I'm looking like crap- Right now I'm doing great by utilizing the skills I mentioned above. Matilda, right now I'm working on me! It would'nt be emotionally healthy for me to position myself for the responsibilty of a commited relationship- I'm okay. I'm loving me and reaching out to others who suffer. I have bipolar- bipolar does not have me.

40fab Very Happy

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40fab

Matilda · Joined: 27 Feb 2007 Posts: 1841

Hi 40,
not sure why you aren't able to access all the responses you have here. ( simply go through the message thread, click on the heading of yours and they all come up, and then I go forward page by page). Is anyone else having the same problem here that 40 desribed? not able to access all their responses?

As you have mentioned me by name and responded to what my post, I will continue our discussion 40, (thankyou). I think it's terrific that you have managed your bipolar disorder so well. (Have you found a support group online for others who share this disorder so you can share with them? I hope you do. I believe others who have bipolar could greatly benefit from what you have learnt.) It's also quite astounding to know that you have managed a relationship with a narcissistically disordered person. Most of us (over 4000 members over the last 5 years), have not been as fortunate as you. What is your secret? Do you mind me asking - if you could explain very specifically- what is it about him that causes you to believe he has a narcissistic personality disorder?

I gather from what you have said - you haven't had a physical or sexual relationship with this alleged n. Would that be right? ( I would hate to misinterpret.)

I don't know what a "mean" is. Is that a bipolar community term for a bipolar personality disordered person who is abusive? (Forgive me if I am blunt, but I would really like to learn about you here.) You mentioned you "isolated" during certain times so as to protect loved ones. Is this because the condition of bipolar does mean that there are periods when the bipolar personality is dangerous or "mean" to be around? I don't quite understand because I haven't had many face to face dealings with someone who has bipolar. How was the diagnosis reached in your case?

You still did not answer the question I posed to you:
"how can we best support you?"

It would seem from your response perhaps you have no need of this support group? You don't need support from us, but you have come here wanting to help others. Is that correct?

You are - from your words- able to manage a relationship with an n- although "ugly statements are made back and forth between you and he." And you are a bipolar sufferer who has totally got the condition under control. You feel your relationship with this n is not as "intense" as perhaps others who have relationships with n's may have experienced. You believe this n hasn't gone "all the way" ( I presume you refer to abuse or destructive behavior towards you) because you have been able to protect yourself by having witnesses and by standing up to him? You believe you are here to "help" others. I am repeating all of these statements to make sure that I am understanding your post correctly. If all this is right, then what you have achieved is admirable indeed, but the thing is:

how to relate? Most of us do not suffer bipolar, and most of us do not find a relationship with a narcissistically disordered person as easy to manage as you have. In fact generally "no contact" with an n is recommended. It's very nice that you have "the word" - but there are many people from many cultures and faiths here. This isn't a group dedicated to any particular religion. I guess the bottom line for me is, why are you here?

Any support group really operates best with members who -although they maybe at different stages of healing- identify with each other through common experience. Your self declared manageable dealings with an n are not what I would I would call common.

Do you think you are in the right place? It is rather nice to know you are here to help us. But if there's nothing we can offer you in return,
what's the point? (sorry for being so blunt.)

I wish you well in the future and hope that you -a bipolar personality, coupled with an alleged narcissistically personality disordered partner are able to continue your chosen contact. If it is working well for you, then that is great.

wishing you well,
Matilda

PS this is the "psychopath forum" for people who have dealt with anti socially disordered people . If it is an "n" you are dealing with you might be looking for the Narcissistgeneralmessageboard, and not this one. Although similar, they are different disorders.

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"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out."-Steven Wright