Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

blossom · Joined: 08 Apr 2008 Posts: 5

Hi,
I am new to this forum as I have just realized that the man I have been dating looks to have many NP tendencies. I have not dated him long a few months on and off...but always felt something was up even as early as our second phone call and then really had a confirmed sense after our second meeting...though I couldn't put my finger on it.

I moved to a new city after my divorce to attend graduate school ( no children). I met him online at a dating site for bookworms and brainy types. He presented as highly articulate and very witty...he was very supportive sending links to all kinds of information to help me settle in my new city.
Our connection started slow...but I noted that he was trying to move the pace along with his witty and charming emails...and before you know it he was talking about how great I am and that he really feels connected to me in a way that he has never felt with any other woman. At this point we had not even met...warning flag number one for me. But part of me was flattered especially coming off the end of a 10 year marriage...so a part of me welcomed the attention.
The first thing I noticed was that his voice on the phone did not match the compassion of his emails and I called him on this right away...he dismissed it as once we meet everything will fall into place...we are just learning how eachother communicates...I accepted this but was uneasy.
Our first meeting he was taken with my looks and would not stop talking about it. He was over the top and started talking grand plans...which I deflected by changing the subject...but he was so helpful that I continued to see him.
On our second date he fluctuated between being incredibly attentive...looking at me in a mesmerizing manner to being withdrawn and non-communicative at dinner...just thought he was in a mood and he said that he was tired.
But this hot and cold routine continued as I got to know him. He would swing between these moods withiin a two hour window...he would particularly withdraw after affectionate times...after he had professed his total devotion to me. Suffice to say that each meeting with him ending with me telling him that I had to go...I do not want to be around him when he is cold and that he is behaving in a rude manner. By the time I got home an over the top email was waiting for me in my inbox...and so the routine went for a month or so.
He has said to me that he wants to marry me...that we are electric together..no other connection is as strong...he has never felt this...he is devoted to me...he wants to be submissive to me...and I control the relationship and him..he seems to be getting more bizarre as time goes on and I refuse to engage...he accuses me of not loving him...because I have not told him that yet...seems premature to me to tell him that I love him when I can't even figure out who he is..

I have written here because despite all this knowledge and me continuing my best to hold my ground... I find myself still seeing him at times because of the initial charasmaic verbal seduction. I recognize I am lonely and new to the city and vunerable in ways I have never been in my life so I am tempted to N dip as is the term...

Suggestions please for gaining the strength to give this jerk one last kick to the curb...

There are more scenarios and details that I can share that would round out my story...but I think I might have written enough initially.

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1358

Welcome! My suggestion would be for you to read up as much as you can about n/p's......decide if he fits....If he does fit then the reading others posts will let you know what your in for later if you stay.....Also on the psychopath or narcissist pages of this group if you post your gonna get more replys because more members will see it there......Glad you found us!
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I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

Stand4Change · Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 11

Well, I'll bite.

What do you need him for? Whatever it is, you can provide that for yourself.

So you're new in town. You should be very cautious about giving out personal info like your address or contact info until you have established a trusted group of friends (and even then be careful). Not paranoid, but be safe.

Do you like art? Find local art galleries and go to openings (it's fun!). Do you like music? Theater? Dance? Go to public events and make some new friends (not bars!!). Got a university nearby? Find out if they offer classes or seminars open to the public. Take a class, like pottery or something crafty.

Do you go to church? A very excellent and relatively safe place to meet if you stay away from places that are too accepting of "alternative paths".

Do you get my drift? Take care of yourself first, then you won't need "a man" to take care of you.

Hugs!