Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

kikisand · Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 67

I lost my Dad in October - not sure if he was an N or just subscribed to all Nmom told him - I am thinking more the latter, but I often go back and forth. I am trying to just remember good things about my Dad.

Anyway, since then, have taken care of Nmom a lot, but recently only to the extent I can handle. Therapist says, whoa, be careful. I was calling every day twice, had her here for the first few holidays, etc. (sucked, pardon my French) - really hope I don't have to do that again anytime soon, but I probably will. Feeling no sense of my own power today...

So, now am down to calling her about every three days or so. When I do there is sooooo much moaning. Now, she complains about "stress" - I know what her "stress" is - she is a financial idiot, and drove my Dad into the ground. I am positive that he passed away from the financial and emotional stress she put on him. But I have come to understand that he loved her, and that is why he stayed and bought in to her manipulation to the point of pushing his own daughter out.

Her "stress" is because she is borrowing money from everyone to survive - she has this new home she and Dad bought in a new town - Dad left after less than two years in that albatross - financial stranglehold that SHE HAD TO HAVE! Come hell or high water...gimme, gimme, gimme or I will stomp and cry and whine and YELL like a two year old.

Anyway, promised I would keep it short - but it is a "bad day" as she likes to say sometimes when I call - all weepy and CRAP!

I wonder, really wonder, as an N, if she has the capacity to understand what she did to my Dad when he was alive, and feels any sort of remorse now. Any thoughts...?

Sorry Dad - I hate to talk badly about him now that he is not here.

Thanks all for letting me vent.
_________________
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

baby_kay · Joined: 05 Mar 2008 Posts: 211

Venting is sooo good, and so necessary when involved to any degree with N mother. Sorry to hear about your dad. Sounds like you loved him alot. Regarding this subject.....the reason the N is the way they are, is because they have no conscious and no empathy. I am willing to bet, that your N m seeing everything about her. And when someone is not .....whatever to her and for her, thats her "stress". They need constant attention. Let me share this little story with you so maybe you can see what I am saying. My stepdad, many many years ago, was at home, (my parents have a farmette) My Nm in the barn on the property. My stepdad has had 2 heartattacks in the past, and on this sat. was feeling chest pains, and having trouble breathing. As he was not able to contact her, he had the phone by him and called me. (I lived next door if you will) We were home, and my husband answered, and was in the car, down the hill around the corner, and at the house in minutes. Just in time to call, 911, and get the man medical help. Later on, at the hospital when stepdad was stabalized and they were making plans for surgery. I went in to find out what they (both) needed me to do with their animals, and what ever else, while they would be in the hospital for some time. My N M and I walked out of the room to catch a meal. She was a bitch to him, and then can turn into the victim in a second. So....we order food, and she looks at me, and starts to cry, (real hard, and I am of course uncomfortable because we are in public and she is soooo loud and whaling about) and says to me "OH MY GOD, can you imagine if I had come up from the barn and found him DEAD????" I should say I was shocked, but I said instead, "CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW HE FELT SITTING THERE IN PAIN ALMOST LOST HIS LIFE, AND YOU WERE NOT THERE TO HELP". She proceeded to yell at me, because I did not give her all the attention she needed, "The poor you and such", victim, victim, bullshit, and I took her back to the hospital, excused myself from them both and went home. No thanks you guys for being there for him, nothing, All about her.....
So....to answer your vent. Sorry to hear you have to go thru this, just watch yourself and please take care of you, and your money. She is a big girl, has a nice house, in which to sell, to support herself.
Take care,
Peace
Kim

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 499

Minor gripe? This is worthy of major gripe!

It is so hard because they are so dependent and needy! What a nightmare! They need us and we submit, we have no choice it seems. I drove 10,000kms trying to "escape" and I ended up right back where I started. The horror. Laughing

Tarzan had the good fortune of being raised by monkeys in the jungle.

lynn1234 · Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 718

I tried posting here before but I guess it didn't go through... So, I will try again.
Kikisand.....I am sorry about the loss of your dad and what he went through dealing with your NM...
I also can relate about taking care of your NM.. I tried to take care of my NM also when she was sick..I was there for her for almost 2 months and at the end if it all she gave me attitude and was totally ungreatful and told me that I should give her thousands of dollars... Did I borrow any money from her? NO! My NM just think it's owed to her for some reason.. My NM is also a financial idiot and doesn't live within her means...My NM also borrows money from a lot of people.. Her elderly parents, me, my sister etc... She can never handle it on her own...
Do I think your NM feels sorry for what she did to your dad? Unfortunately N's don't have empathy and only care about getting their own needs met at any cost.. They don't count the costs their behavior has on anyone else...I highly doubt she has any remorse... having no remorse is part of being an N and if she had any remorse she wouldn't be a Narcissist... Feel free to keep Venting....