Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

stellarwnd · Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 104 Location: California

Over the past year and a half, my life has gone through a tremendous amount of change.

I have wonderful and supportive friends, but I have become very jealous of them (them being in decent relationships). I really hate that I am in this situation and hate seeing happy couples together.

It makes me want to shut myself off from old friends even more.

STellar

Shoogie0 · Joined: 12 Feb 2007 Posts: 43

Tell me about it. I share an office with a person whose life is soaring right now. She's doing amazingly well in the job we both work at. She's sought after, and making a name for herself. She's healthy, skinny, and beautiful and she enjoys rubbing my face in it. Very Happy

This person doesn't have a boyfriend but she's currently in the process of buying a one bedroom apt. in manhattan [with help from her wealthy parents of course] and will soon be moving into a building of hip young artsy types who are connected to the cool upsccale NY nightlife. Razz

I on the other hand cower in my house at night with my phone turned off afraid of my stalker, spend my time reading esoteric subjects and generally go unnoticed and stepped on. Life is, in other words, great! Smile

I'm trying like hell to keep smiling but it gets hard. Some people have all the luck and evrything falls into place for them. I just hope someday-somehow I get to share in a little of their good fortune Rolling Eyes

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1377

It's hard Stellar Embarassed

I know....I recall recently posting about this very same thing with another member not too long ago.My father...2 sisters....2 out of 3 kids all decided I was the bad guy and sided with the xp leaving me and 1 grown daughter to be a family....she had just gotten married and seeing as p had done a smear on me to old friends as well I had to completly start over.There is a swimming pool where I live and I love to swim so I started going there on weekends....made new friends....listened to their storys about what things they did with their familys...their dads...moms...sisters.....wondered why God chose me to have a life so very different from what they had.....Jealous????Yes I guess I was....Feel sad for myself....yes.....Still dont really understand why God decided my life would be one with so little family support but I got past that....took a couple years.....Maybe someday God will tell me why he chose me for this journey....but for now I have made a happy life....with the daughter who NEVER wavered in her support of me....with her 2 daughters.....we ARE a family....one with very few problems I might add which I could NEVER have said about the other family...In that family problems ABOUNDED! It will get better Stellar....
_________________
I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

stellarwnd · Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 104 Location: California

The other day at my daughter's school, we were swinging in the playground and my youngest saw another child with her dad. My three year old just said out loud that she did not have a daddy (everybody could hear) and I had to correct her that she did have a daddy, but her dad was not here right now.......it just breaks my heart. If there weren't strangers there, I would have cried.

And, then, I feel like a complete failure (even though this mess is not my fault).

A year and a half later and I am still wallowing in the shame, sadness, disappointment..........I hate him.

Stellar

nolongertrusting · Joined: 25 Feb 2007 Posts: 266

Stellar, you're not alone. Hang in there. If you were to meet some one now, how do you think it would turn out?

I've become some what of H*LL on wheels with all my boundaries.

Those feelings will pass.

Shoogie, At least this a coworker, not a true friend. True friends don't envy the other. Nor do they show in your "face." Those type of people do fall at one time or another. It takes true friends to pick them up,IF THEY HAVE ANY.

"Cookie" She's an inspiration for all of us. I never would have come out of my funk without her. THANK YOU COOKIE

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1377

hey Stellar....I've worked in daycare centers for years....One of the things I learned is that at least 75% of the kids there dont live with mommy AND daddy....most are from broken homes....so she's got a lot of company Embarassed

_________________
I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

stellarwnd · Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 104 Location: California

I am thankful for all of you! I am sorry to seem so dismal.....my nature on the outside is uplifting and spiritful. Since this turmoil, I still try to keep that exterior, but my true feelings come out here.

Cookie -- yes, you are an inspiration for us all! Thank you for your time and help! I think that the best thing that has come out of this situation is that I would like to help other people too! And, I try to help!

Stellar

Cookie2 · Joined: 28 Feb 2007 Posts: 1377

By nature I too am uplifting and not very negative Stellar....BUT this is not the Cookie you would have seen 5-6-7-8 yrs ago....NOT AT ALL! I complained all the time...to whoever would listen...was told many times I needed to say these things to the p....ya right Embarassed

When your in it this is how you will be.....no need to apologize Laughing

_________________
I have a photographic memory....I just don't have same day service.....................Cookie

ilovemusic · Joined: 18 Mar 2007 Posts: 151

>>> but I have become very jealous of them (them being in decent relationships). I really hate that I am in this situation and hate seeing happy couples together. <<<<

No....your time will!!! come your time wll come Smile

)) it will happen

enjoy and be happy for them.... disclaimer though( all relationships have their trials too though)

SourGirl · Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 18

Hi,

Is your co-worker Narcissistic, too! (the world revolves around me and my parents pay for it) Look at what I can do!

SourGirl · Joined: 28 Mar 2007 Posts: 18

Oops Stellar my last post was regarding Shoogie's reply

I have days like that and it takes a lot to get past it. Old girlfriend of mine sent me a link to her myspace just yesterday. First of all.... Why? Did she want an "atta girl" for spending a lot of hours to make an image of herself online. and second of all... it was the best blogs I've seen yet. Grrrrr.....

But, it did make me take a good look at what I DO have and spend a moment thinking about the people that love me.

stellarwnd · Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 104 Location: California

My insecurities have magnified trememdously since being in this bad relationship. Also, I know that all marriages are not perfect. It's still hard to see others...happy....at least on the surface.

I just cannot find happiness while going through this difficult divorce and being under such financial burden.

Maybe, I am just afraid that I will not find happiness at the end of all of this.

What also irritates me about myself is that I was so happy and content to be in that relationship....false sense of security or false sense of happiness. I am seeing myself as a really weak person and am not finding happiness in myself (I guess).

I do have to say that I miss him less and less and have moved on to an acceptance stage.....it only took a year and a half.......

Stellar