Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 363 Location: Minnesota

that the mother figure Nsis tried to drown me. When stressful events in the present make me feel vulnerable, my head and heart go right back to those childhood horrors.

as i posted in the psychopath forum:

my hypervigilance is triggered by visual cues or smells or conversations in the present that instantly put that pit in my stomach and the pain in my neck and bring me back visually to the past. I get really introspective, I cant move, like I freeze, or else I go the opposite way and I become hypervigilant. Both are exhausting. Its like a tiger in the grass-a real basic instinctual thing. I try to do breathing exercises or other things but the only thing that seems to help is to FACE the emotion I am having, and eventually it passes. (meds help too) Not at all easy when you are at work trying to concentrate or with others and dont have time to reflect.

can anyone else with an Nsibling or parent relate?
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 367

OMG, yes, NF had a machine shop, it's a very distinct smell and it always makes me ill. The Ns house also has a moth-ball smell, even though they have moved, the gift boxes still smell of it and I just want to get it out of the house, can't stand the smell. After an emotional run-in, I usually get a headache or migraine, on the right side of my neck, or feel sluggish for a couple of days. Our bodies know it's toxic and I think it was a co-dependent relationship all along, I'm done now, can't take a chance on getting burned again, what gives her the right? Even if she's my mother.
Healing takes time and lots of support.

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 363 Location: Minnesota

wlw

Lately I usually get hypervigilant or just shut down. both suck. ya I know about the "crick" in the right side of the neck. thats anger. So is the choking feeling that i gotta get "my scream" out. Less anger this week--sounds like more for you. Hugs.

just read "The Body Remembers" and it talks about how our bodies store trauma.
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 692

The bad thing is that it happens when you are at work. How do you deal with it when you are around others? I left work last year to take care of my husband (pituatary tumor removed) so I do not usually go out in the public anymore. When I do, I also make sure it is to early to run into any family members.

justmee

Elayne · Joined: 17 Apr 2007 Posts: 14

I understand about the smells. I bought a handsoap that smelled so bad I had to throw it away. My husband didn't understand... until I realized it smelled like her. I couldn't have it in the house.

I keep wondering when it will be over. But I don't think it will ever be over.
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Elayne

Riccy101 · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 287

Ok guys, I am not about taking medications, but I am telling you, there is a blood pressure medication that works on these panic attacks. It is very inexpensive and completely non addictive. It works on our blood pressure, not your brain. No problems with side effects. You can talk to your doctor about it if you choose, and have him/her explain it to you. The name of the med is "PROPRANOLOL", usually a 10mg table will do. The only problem with it is that is makes you sleepy. If that happens, take it at night only, instead of the "every 8 hours" that is recommended. It still works very well if only taken once at night.

I don't think any talk therapy can alleviate the symptoms of post traumatic stress. If I moved to the other side of the earth from my NM, things would still haunt me.

Riccy

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 367

Riccy, yes it's on the $5 copay at walmart, I believe. This is a good medicine if you have "stage fright", it can be taken as needed. If you are asthmatic, take an inhaler, talk to your MD before taking it. Yes, I think we'll all have episodes of anxiety/depression, so it's best to learn some options. Take care. WLW

Riccy101 · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 287

Thanks WLW. Are you a pharmacist, by any chance? You sound knowledgeable.

Mere thoughts can have the same affect as actual stage fright.

Thanks for shedding more light...

Riccy

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 363 Location: Minnesota

EMDR is currently working better than cognitive behavioral therapy (talk therapy) or medication for me. I have tried several of the anti anxiety meds, all of which are somewhat addictive, according to my shrink, some less than others. Cant take propranol for a variety of reasons, and am currently taking Klonopin generic. Its working okay, but there are some side effects like sleepiness.

Its still hard to accept the really traumatic events because they stand out in your mind and are imprinted on your memory. the only way to really get "through" those memories seems for me to reprocess them, (which we use EMDR for) which gets rid of the "stuck image or "flashback." For me, even after that you still have to deal with some of the leftover emotions-whether grief, sadness, fear, etc. when they come up. I have fewer "triggers" and flashbacks now, but the sheer UGLINESS and SINFULNESS of the N's behavior and how they treated people is what I am dealing with most often, now, and what is hard to accept.
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 367

Hey, guys, I'm an RN, took a lot of pharm courses and it interests me, I was VERY apprehensive about starting an anti-depressant, fought the depression for many years on my own, not always healthy. After my third child, I just couldn't fuction, crying all the time (not just whimpering), lost 30 # in 2 weeks, no appetite or energy, so I gave it a try, it worked for a while, but now, for some reason, it isn't working, I'm very frustrated. Now, I'm having the liver issues, possible lupus, don't know if the depression is related to all this. I don't like to rely on medications, but I don't really have a choice right now, I do plan on trying some alternative stuff like yoga, etc.. when I get more energy and time. I'm so afraid of becoming addicted to medications to sleep, etc.. due to the family history of alcoholism and now the liver problems. Everything in moderation. Surprised

Riccy101 · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 287

One thing that has helped me feel better and grow in a new direction other than the one I came from, is through love. Spread joy and good will. One of the best ways to combat evil is with love. In day to day interactions, I make a concerted effort to be nice to people. I realize there are more of us out there who have bad homes and are suffering from some kind of painful event. I try to do little things like smile at people, hold the door for them, chat with the sales clerk. I started making an effort and now I'm finding that I know more people by name, who I ordinarily wouldn't have, for example, clerks in my grocery store, our mail person, my neighbors, and the list goes on. I know it's just a little thing, but every time you make a person smile, you can lighten their load just a little bit. We all know what it feels like when someone is rude or makes us feel hurt. I've been yelled at in traffic and even for having 13 items in the 12 item express lane, during a snow storm when the store was packed to the rim. LOL. I try to have the opposite effect on people. It's a little thing, but it does something to you inside. Spread the love in the outside, like we do for each other in here! Surprised

Riccy

Riccy101 · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 287

wlw, what a noble profession! I doubt I could handle such a stressful job.

I'm sorry about the liver problems. I agree with you about medications. I'd find the best specialist there is concerning depression though. That is the worst! I'm doing a lot better now, but I used to feel depressed all the time. I found out that my thyroid was under active during my last checkup, and that medication has made a world of difference for me.

Hang in there baby!

Riccy

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 363 Location: Minnesota

Riccy, just curious--do you have panic attacks?
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

wlw35 · Joined: 09 Mar 2007 Posts: 367

Sister has panic attacks, she takes a valium and it seems to help. Me, well, so far, it seems like it's leaning towards lupus, I'm trying to be strong, it's so hard, still NC, it does help. Sometimes I have to fight the urge to call them, tell them how bad I feel, somehow thinking that will force them to help me, support me, love me, I guess this a normal feeling, always longing for the nuturing, but we all know it will never come. Some days are easier than others...

Riccy101 · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 287

Hi Oaktree.

Oh, I have had some awful panic attacks. They weren't triggered by flashbacks exactly. I grew up in a home that told me I was invisible, had no right to an opinion or to assert myself. I'd get abused, then made fun of or scolded for fighting back. I had to hold a lot of emotions in that were dying to be expressed. Most of they time I'd go off and cry, shake, get depressed.

As an adult, I found that I couldn't be in the spot light. I also found I had a fear of anyone in authority. I would see a police cruiser in my rear view and have a panic attack. I found it hard to have one on one discussions with my children's teachers, or to talk to an attorney. I would even shake when signing legal documents, especially if they had anything to do with my parents, as in the case of my NF giving us shares of his company. But that's another story...

I have found that simply being away from my N's all these months has caused some considerable healing to take place. This weekend, I found myself in the company of 2 people, on separate occasions, who set off those "red flags" because they were exhibiting that familiar N behavior, and I felt extreme discomfort, anger and irritation in their presence. I think it's like when you break your leg and you've finally healed. When given the opportunity to do something risky that might break it again, you flee and protect yourself at all costs. I've come very attuned without even realizing it. I want nothing to do with N's or N'ish people anymore. I just can't do it.

That's what I'm experiencing right now. I'm not having flashbacks like you are. I don't think my panic attacks are from post traumatic stress. I think mine is learned behavior caused by fear tactics. I'm able to feel less agitated with blood pressure med and from not having to deal with N's (my NP's constantly, anymore.

Riccy