Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

dreams · Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 167

Riccy, you said {"I grew up in a home that told me I was invisible, had no right to an opinion or to assert myself. I'd get abused, then made fun of or scolded for fighting back. I had to hold a lot of emotions in that were dying to be expressed".}

That was me. In my family STILL there are still repercussions from certain family members for me standing up for myself. The one I am standing up against presently is my sister who has abused me terribly since I was born. She was two when I was born and she never got over it- me being born. That was my crime to her that kicked off everything in her psycho mind.

Meanwhile after her last aggression toward me- she went out to the "world" and painted herself as a victim. Smear campaigns by her against me are nothing new. I have not called her in months which feels like a huge relief and I would be happy to NEVER see her again. That is how I wish it to be seen that I am the one who cut off ties with HER!!

Except she has gone around herself AND has had her clone daughter spreading the word that it is their "camp" that cut off ties with ME as I am the unhealthy one. Since her children were born my sister has painted herself as the rose and as the victim to her children and friends and husband while secretly abusing me and abusing me.

At best I will hear the statement...that we sisters don't get along. But that is not the TRUTH. She makes it impossible for me to get along with her. I would get along with her fine if she was not a cruel, psychopath who hates me for just being born. And how a she can be so cruel to me in such a secret way yet present an entirely different face to the world is beyond me except that she has practiced it forever and it is what she has developed and honed as her best skill.

I put up with her abuse forever. And the reason I kept putting up with it is because I felt like I did when I was younger - that whenever I stood up for myself then her slamming of me would become escalated and not only that she tells outright lies to make me look bad. And she has a way of being believed.

Nobody has any idea what my sister is like truly except for me which makes her hate me even more and increases her need to destroy me.

It is nearly impossible to believe that this could go on still and it has been going on my whole life.

I hope that I can find a way to stand strong. When I recently received a hateful letter from my sister's clone daughter about how horrible I was to have hurt her poor mother by me saying NO MORE ABUSE (of course the story from my sister's mouth per usual was twisted to make me the bad guy) the hardest thing I could do which I did manage to pull off was to NOT acknowlege the letter and to NOT get entangled with the clone, psycho daughter. To NOT buy into the words written in the letter which were in actuality NOT the clone daughters own words but the same cruel, blaming words I've heard forever from my sister.

The daugher was the vehicle to deliver the words to me from my sister because when I as I was telling my sister that she cannot treat me this way anymore I would NOT let my sister get in ONE word (she just wanted to trash me) which my sister is not used to from ME. So then the letter came from the clone daughter with the sister's words.

So this is what I am working on now. How to deal with a negative campaign against ME but in a different way then when I was little. I hope this therapist can help me.

I have had much anxiety about it. Much of it comes from pushed down anger about how the psycho sister can so easily paint me in a bad light yet WIN at it and come out smelling like a rose. I have anger over the long time injustice I have lived because of the inside out take there is on the situation. And about how in our famliy it is not okay for me to rock the boat. The thing is because I have not been listened to - nobody really knows the full story....maybe they don't want to know.

I do have a support system....friends who know me for years two of whom have witnessed the abuse and my H who has witnessed the abuse.

I would feel crazy without that support.

Anyway I could go on and on......didn't mean to write so much but I wanted to tell you that your childhood was like mine and it is astounding how the ramifications can affect you.
Take care,
Dreams

dreams · Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 167

oak,
Can't remember if I told this or not but my sister held me under water at the beach until I thought I was going to pass out. I have NEVER been able to go under water because of that and have never learned to swim. BTW- our mother was not watching but was at the beach- typical. And where were the eyes of the other adults on the beach when sister took her wide open hand to the top of my head and with all of her might pushed me under water and then held me there! I was very tiny too for my age and she had a lot of advantage over me.
Dreams

dreams · Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 167

Riccy,
You also said: {"This weekend, I found myself in the company of 2 people, on separate occasions, who set off those "red flags" because they were exhibiting that familiar N behavior, and I felt extreme discomfort, anger and irritation in their presence".}

This is amazing too because this very thing about which you speak and so eloquently put it is exactly what I deal with. I have had to quit "social" groups and even jobs because of the great discomfort these people trigger in me. Plus- I have found that for some reason that I cannot explain...I have been the target occasionally of these people just as I have always been the target of my N/Psister and this is the very first topic I am bringing up with the therapist I am seeing this week as I am now back in the place where I need to work on this issue.

Thanks for wording this as you did. I now have a way to word this issue to the therapist.
Dreams

Riccy101 · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 287

Hi dreams.

I am beginning to open up to people little by little about my family and the emotional damage they caused. I have found this one thing to be true...when I am talking to people, those who I find I like and can bond with, not only believe me, but understand because they have something in their background they can similarly share with me. However, with people who I don't feel quite so trusting toward, they take my admissions and my truths and try to make me feel like I'm the crazy one. For example, instead of offering sympathy, they say something like "why don't you tell us how you really feel"...smirk, smirk, chuckle.

When I compare them, I'd say the one's who react with sarcasm or lack of understanding, exhibit some N characteristics themselves...or dysfunctional to say the least.

Therefore, our telling someone whom we are trying to get to know, about our history of abuse, may well be a barometer or compass, for gaging N behavior. If ever you want to know a quick test of someone's character, tell him about an abuse that was committed against you. The N character will never react with empathy, but rather he will make you feel even worse.

Riccy

dreams · Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 167

Riccy,

You wrote: {"Therefore, our telling someone whom we are trying to get to know, about our history of abuse, may well be a barometer or compass, for gaging N behavior. If ever you want to know a quick test of someone's character, tell him about an abuse that was committed against you. The N character will never react with empathy, but rather he will make you feel even worse".}

I agree with you ne hundred percent!!!!. In fact just this week I had someone say something that was completely intended to make me feel worse. And I only inadvertantly HINTED that there was something wrong. Plus because I wasn't at that moment on top of my game, i.e. on total guard, i.e. my FOCUS is off, I wasn't even quite aware that I was in this particualr "region" talking about it UNTIL I got the response. The "hint" about my sister spilled from my tongue because I feel so overwhelmed INSIDE with this insane stuff that is going on and it seems to be leaking from my pores.

I do believe this person who intended to hurt me has agendas and is terribly N and this was the LAST person I would have spoken to about this stuff for many reasons. But it did leak out and I was sorry for ME that I inadvertantly let it spill from my tongue. My barometor was not broken about the nature of this person to whom I "leaked" my "hint" but something else in me had a crack (the dam that hold it ALL in) in it -that is for SURE. And my focus is off as I said. Not a good combo.

I feel like I am being held hostage to keep all my sister's decades and decades worth of abuses of me to myself. And this is what I need to work on.

Certainly I cannot stop her from what she does because to try and stop her by speaking to her would only make things worse for ME as it would give her the feeling of so much power and joy that she would escalate her behavior- her slander of me. This is like a DRUG for her!!!!!!

I hate that this whole negative thing has a life of it's own inside of me presently. Life is too short to be held captive by such negativity. Again- this is what I need to work on and hopefully the therapist can help.

Plus it does help to read stories here and write out what I can which is only a 100th of a fraction of what is inside of me. But even that does help to write some of it out.

Dreams

dreams · Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 167

Riccy,
Just to correct something.....and say something.

Firstly I am glad that you are feeling safe to finally open up to the right people. That is a freeing thing to do. And it is great that you have the feel of who is and isn't safe.

I had said in my last post: {"I feel like I am being held hostage to keep all my sister's decades and decades worth of abuses of me to myself".}

I need to correct that. I do tell some people in my own close circle but there are some people who I wish to tell and they are older siblings and certain other family members and it was them I was referring to.

Just needed to set that out properly.
Dreams

Riccy101 · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 287

Hi Dreams.

I don't actually have a feeling of who is safe and who isn't. I'm learning to read who is safe and who isn't by opening up, and by the way they respond. Just wanted to clear that up, myself. Smile

I know what you mean about the negative feelings you're harboring. When you first come out of denial and start fighting back against the N's abuse, the biggest need you have, is to find support. It is so difficult to handle something of this magnitude alone. I went through it myself. For years. the only person I could talk openly with was my husband.

These support groups help immensely with that, by writing feelings out here, it gets them out of our system. I have also found writing in my journal to be helpful. I always felt ready to move on afterwards, at least for a while. (Then after enough healing, to the point that I no longer wanted to journal my thoughts, I found myself stuck with 20 some journals to get rid of, so no one else would be able to read them. LOL....burning them did the job.)

It takes time. I think for me, the biggest factor was having NO further contact. I no longer have anything to do with anyone from my mother's circle, including relatives. I feel like I now have the freedom to be ME, which I never felt before. I have changed. I am a new person.

Regarding talking to others about our true feelings and beliefs...It takes a certain amount of confidence. Anyone who is speaking about a belief, whether it be politics, parental abuse, or religion, it's a scary feeling to expose your vulnerable side and risk having it stepped on. This is where you just have to be brave. You and I have a right to our opinion just like everyone else. No one has to agree with us, as we don't have to agree with them. If someone seems abrasive, or like he doesn't care...don't talk to him/her anymore. We weed through different personalities and find a few really good, trustworthy friends as a result.

I'm working on this too, dreams. It's not simple or without it's consequences, but we need to find our worth. We are worthy of our own feelings and opinions and self expression, just like everyone else. Our N's spent so much time trying to break us, that we lost this lesson. We learned to settle for their specifications of who we should be. I want to stop pigeon holing myself and learn to be me. Others can take it or leave it!

Riccy

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 362 Location: Minnesota

Riccy--well said!

Oak
_________________
Once You Have Been Bitten By A Snake, You Are Very Cautious, Even Of A Coiled Rope.

The Dalai Lama

Riccy101 · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 287

Riccy