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Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group
An Online Support Community For Abuse Survivors
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Riccy101
Joined: 18 Feb 2007
Posts: 287
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 Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Windinthetrees.
I like your screen name.
You wrote, | Quote: | | I like riccy's comment about 'keeping the N's mad' or at least on their toes and not sure what to expect from us. That is a great way to look at things. It is hard for me to want anyone "mad" at me, I grew up as a people pleaser and put myself last, always. Sometimes (Although I am working on this)I don't even know what I want. My opinion or wants were not valued by the N in my childhood. My MIL is also an N and I think she just feigns interest in me and my opinions so she does not look bad to her son. |
N's are "mad" when they're grandiose false self feels threatened or envious. It is not something we have control over. It's not that we purposely make them mad. Who would think, for example, that doing one's homework and asking their NP for help, would set the parent off?
N's are in a world of their own creation and we have no say in it. We are merely there to serve them healthy doses of N supply or they have no use for us. It is difficult to comprehend the way the N thinks.
If we are unlucky enough to be in a relationship with one, or have an unexpected encounter with one, it is their pattern of abuse that signals us into awareness that "this isn't normal".
When I do find myself confronted with an N (which is, fortunately for me, no longer my own NM, but through work or other forums) I find that the only thing I can do is STOP the interaction. I don't take the bait they fling at me. They try to goad me into becoming defensive. They are mean spirited and very critical and mostly without boundaries or justification. By stopping the interaction, it usually makes the N throw more mud/verbal abuse in an attempt to make me mad so that I will interact again (N. Supply). I don't take the bait. I recognize it for what it is.
After such an encounter, one may feel beaten down. Another perspective is to look at it as a victory. If you appease the N, you may delay the N's childish outburst, but you feel like you've sold out to your enemy. And in due time, the N will turn on you regardless of how many egg shells you walk on to not upset him. Therefore, when they're mad, we're doing something right for OURSELVES. So take heart! If you look hard enough, you'll always find a positive side.
Riccy
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Onyx
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 12
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 12:11 pm Post subject: |
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You are NOT stupid. You can type, spell, write, use a computer.
Your self esteem has been brought down. My father tried to do this to me growing up but I was determined to succeed, I have a double degree and I am a school teacher. Although I still live at home I class myself as an assertive, independant woman. It is never too late to start something, perhaps you wanted to take another art class or join an art college, why not do it. What is stopping you? Do NOT worry about what others think becasue as that song goes "You can't please everyone so you got to please yourself"
Be strong, think strong thoughts! You CAn do it!!!!
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Fraulien Maria
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