Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

hi, I have really been fascinated reading about the NPD since realizing my husband has this. It is frankly quite scary to see how cookie cutter the behaviors are. Thankfully, I don't think my husband is an extreme N, but definitely difficult to deal with when it rears its head. For the last 3 years it has been prominent and so it is a relief to be able to know what I am dealing with now.

We have 3 children (14 girl, 15 boy, 17 boy) who he happily adopted 11 years ago from my ex husband. I am trying to protect them from his hurtful words and actions. I pray that they will not have a long lasting affect on them.

At this point, I feel divorcing would be worst on all of us than to stick it out and learn how to deal with this. For the most part, the ugliness seems to come when I am voicing my opinion or asking him to do something, etc. I feel that if I can be less demanding and more agreeable, NPD will stay at bay -- aside from the lack of relationship he is able to have with the kids of course.

So, I and maybe others out there, would love to hear from those of you who have felt the need to stay in the marriage and be happy. What things helped you to stay sain and fulfilled in your self-esteem and emotions? What kept peace in the home? What have you done to help the children?

Hi Willsurvive,

I'm sorry for your situation.

We do not advocate staying in a marriage with an NPD person on this board. This is a board for individuals surviving an NPD relationship - who are leaving, have left - and working on the tools to move on.

If you would like assistance in making the choice to leave, we are here to help. As far as how to maintain your sanity while staying married to an N, I suggest a therapist or programs such as Alanon which may potentially help you.

Good luck to you.

Hi willsurvive

Whilst I respect knoxy's comments and would also suggest some visits to a psychologist (that coming from someone who never thought they ever would), as they can help you see things. She helped me deal with many of the issues, and helped me so that I can live with my N, and teach my children.

However some of us may for whatever reason need to stay in the relationship for at least a period of time. I am one of those and expect (here's hoping) that the stay will prove beneficial to both myself and my children. Till we are ready to move on.

I have a number of thoughts and some experiences which I would be happy to share with you - that assumes it is ok with the moderators of this site. Fairly new myself here, so not fully clear on all the rules regarding discussions relating to staying with your N.

However I have a number of things to achieve before I terminate my relations with my N, and if I am successful expect to leave the relationship much better prepared then if I walked out now. My N is not creating life threatening situations - as such its not as pressing to leave as some relationships may be.