Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

flower · Joined: 02 May 2008 Posts: 4

I left my husband a few months ago. I was told by a psicologist that based in what I explained to him, my husband was a psychopath. He has treated me quite bad for years, has bullied me financially. I have been suffering his psicological abuse for 10 yrs. It seems to be apt to me to give him access to the kids or not. When we were together he didn’t want to be especially involved in the kids lifes. He has been an emotionally absent father for all these years. Now im been told he can be really damaging to my son, especially psicologically, our son is a really lovely 8 yr old and can be easily manipulated. We also have a 6 yr old daughter. When she felt hurt by her father not been involved enough in her life she just withdrawed herself from him, we could say she is more difficult to manipulate than her brother who would always try hard to make his dad love him.
In our separation proceedings I would like my husband to be seen by a psicologist, and to be diagnosed with psycopathy, narcissism or whatever he has. I have read a good bit about psycopathy and it seems to me he really is one of them.
But do you think I should try to keep him away from the children´s life (should I try that his psycopathy be diagnosed and to try that he get as little access to kids as possible?, how hard should I try?.
At the moment I have a protection order against him for his threads and he wants me to make that order go. I wont do that and he is upset over this. He wants to have kids for wknds but the separation process will start soon and I need to know what is best for the kids interest.
I feel bad to deprived them of their father but I don’t trust him and would not like leaving them with him for the whole wknd

Shania73 · Joined: 30 Apr 2008 Posts: 37

Keep reading all of the posts from other parents here.

Ideally in my honest opinion I think its better for kids if possible to not have contacts with these types.

They can do more harm then good.

Let a judge order the amount of visitation, dont give anything freely if you can help it out of "Guilt" because GUilt is not the correct word, guilt implies you have done something wrong.

You havent, he has, you are concerned for the emotional and well being of your children.

Keep contact as limited as is possible with the kids or supervised.

Dont engage with him and talk about changing the situation, ignore any of his requests to talk directly as they are usually games to manipulate and mudsling and mess with your head.

Stay strong and just keep reading and reading and reading all the info you can on dealing with these types.

Mine moved out of state when we first split up and even though it was hard on the kids because they were used to seeing him, in the long run I know it was better because that was the initial divorce phase and it kept him out of state and not showing up at my door and able to stalk me and make my life hell, the kids were also spared from any of that..

flower · Joined: 02 May 2008 Posts: 4

thanks a lot for your answer Shania73. <I find it will depend on me what amount of visitation he´ll get as i can say certain things in court that would make him look bad. I could find out more stuff about him that could get him into prison like borrowing money and signing my name instead of me. I still don´t know since he hasnt been diagnosed but im afraid he is a psycopath

jiggy7928 · Joined: 24 Mar 2008 Posts: 9

flower,

I understand that you want the father of your kids to be apart of their lives and don't know if its a healthy choice for them.

In my experience with my dad, it hasn't been good at all. I was emotionally abuse by dad and physically abuse by him as well. He's a narcissist and a psychopath as well. A lot of times in my life, I'm depressed, have low self-esteem and so on. My conversation skills/people skills are not so great because of him. People like my dad and the father of your kids don't know how to raise children at all. They're too busy bully people around and acting like a big kid themselves.

My advice to you would be get some other authority involve to chaperone with the father and the kids so that they are monitored in case he attempts to damage them physically or psychologically.

flower · Joined: 02 May 2008 Posts: 4

thanks a lot for that jiggy. would you be able to tell me how was your dad diagnosed?. I think my husband will be able to manipulate even the judge and the psicologist. I kind of feel he might win this battle for their custody, he is raging over this so so much.

jiggy7928 · Joined: 24 Mar 2008 Posts: 9

well my dad never went to a therapist or psychologist to become diagnoise but I know without a doubt he has this disorder. The experience that my mother went through that was told me, the experience that I had with him, as well with my sister. Their was a time when my dad went fury at my sister's ex boyfriend who is the father of her first child. After the incident had occur, my dad handshaked my sister's ex boyfriend as if the fury had never happened. My sister legs were shaking and hoping that he wouldn't kill him.

Stand4Change · Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 60

Dear Flower,

I have learned on this board that having a diag of n does not limit visitation. If he wants it, he will get it. My N was not interested in family life but when he realized how much child support would cost him, he went on a 4 year legal rampage to get primary custody. He convinced the judge that he wanted to be a father, uses the phrase "I'm an involved parent" gag! He's a controlling bastard. His cousin is a pedaphile who never got caught. Evidence is key.

What I learned the hard way, find an attorney who specializes in abuse cases. Even if you have not been physically abused, only a LITIGATOR who understands N will serve you well. Pay whatever it costs to get permanent primary custody because joint custody with a n asshole is more painful and expensive than you can imagine. Most family law attys do not know how to litigate. They might wimp out in the clutch and leave you hanging. They all told me a GAL was a bad idea. But when I asked for a Ph.D to get involved my atty said it wasn't necessary, that he had the evidence he needed. He did not. AND the judge ASKED if we had a Ph.D. Since we did not the judge granted joint rotating custody, and threatened me that a case could be made to change custody if I did not continue to attend parent coordination appointments (we had already been going 12 months with no progress).

I have also learned that family law will not necessarily protect from abuse. But I had been told by the sheriffs to file a restraining order to keep from being kicked out of the house after the n moved back in. It was denied because there was no physical abuse. The family law judge used it to grant me temporary exclusive use of the home. The final family law judge said it was "questionable" and he believed I was overly emotional and just trying to keep child support payments coming in.

It's a hard road you have begun to travel on. I wish you well. Maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones.
_________________
It is absolutely necessary for you to seek to obtain genuinely accurate insight and understanding. Then you can travel freely anywhere and avoid being confused by the common sort of spiritual charmer.
Lin Chi (d 867)