Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Raspberries · Guest

This is the thing I find the hardest to get my head around.

How can they just move on to their next girlfriend, then get engaged within only 2 months or so of leaving us (or us dumping them)?. No matter how hard I try I just can't understand it!, it is so unnatural to me. I could never leave a relationship of 5 years with a child, then move onto a new mate and get engaged to them all within 2 months shock: !.

I feel like i'm watching a movie a lot of the time, because my ex is repeating history again..it's plain weird!. And to be honest it hurts that I meant so little to him, that he just moved on so quickly to his next soulmate Confused

. :

Don't get me wrong I don't won't him back, but I can't comprehend it at all..

pinkybubbles · Guest

They will never have a soul mate- they move on because they need to have someone- they dont have emotions as we do.

stillsmilen · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 355

Raspberries
It is so hard to comprehend!!! But that is because we have hearts, souls, emotions, and a conscience. Wink

They don't... which is why it is so easy for them to do it. Crying or Very sad

Coming to that realization, as you've said, that we really meant nothing, was for me one of the hardest things I've ever had to comprehend. It is so hard!! Crying or Very sad

But just remember... Someone like that... never deserved you or your child in the first place!! Exclamation

His new victim will be asking all the same questions one day, sad, but true. Rolling Eyes

You and your little one are SO much better off without such a heartless man in your life.
And that's the thing.. they're truly heartless!!

Cool

stillsmilen
_________________
I made him very sorry that he chose me as a victim!!!
He may have knocked me down, but I got right back up... And kicked his a**!!
(metaphorically speaking ofcourse, but if he hadn't gotten the PPO, I probably would have done it literally too!!)

pinkybubbles · Guest

It was a revelation for me finding out that there is so many men and women who follow almost exactly the same pattern as my ex- this has helped me deal with the fact it wasn’t me- it wasn’t my daughter- one of my friends did suggest that her sons father would always be in contact because their child was good looking, thus insinuating that my daughter was an ugly child! Well I don’t need to tell you she is no longer a friend- but this has helped me believe it has nothing to do with how my lil girlie looks or the way I am or his new woman being more attractive.

These men don’t survive on their own- they cant – they need to feed off others and it is just a shame the amount of people that have to experience this.

Echo · Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 7:39 pm Post subject:

Hi Raspberries, It may help to think of them as what they are - predators. They will do whatever they think is best for them. He isnt in love, he isnt even in like - he has got engaged because he thinks thats what it will take to get whatever it is that he wants from that woman.

They are really like machines, thinking only of what they want, and how best to get it. He will treat her no better than you - as soon as he has her under his control the mask will slip. If she complys(and he still wants what shes offering) he will stay - if he doesnt, he will move on to other things.

Its horribly hard to get our heads round this kind of thinking, cos its disordered and we arent, but they think very simply- in a disordered way Confused

- kind of "identify target - can target supply requirements? - how best to get what P wants from target"(honeymoon period - probe for hopes and dreams and mirror them) - ascertain control(drop clues - if target misses clues - knows they "have them") - drop mask and treat badly for as long as target can stand it - or until P finds other supply.

It is horrific the methods they use, and I guarantee you - that woman is in for a heck of a time.

Its not anything you did Raspberries - its him - he's psychopathic, its what they do. They are human machines, no feelings, no conscience, no empathy. Urghh!

Echo.

WindSong · Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 7:51 pm Post subject:

They don't form attachments because they are not able to. they don't know how to love because it's not built in them. They don't care because they don't have that "thing" inside of them that helps them to love and care and feel sympathy and empathy.

Psychiatrist once asked Gary Leon Ridgway the Green River Killer if he was missing something that everyone else had. He said "that caring thing". That's the best description that I have ever heard given by a true Psychopath. The XNP used to say when I asked him about why he acted the way he did. He just told me flat out when the mask was down... He said, "I just don't care. I don't care." Shocked

We can be shocked and not understand because we do have that caring thing. We *do* care. We can't imagine it because it's something that is instilled in us. They don't have it and something went wrong with them.
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Confused and Dazed Administrator. Email me if you have any questions:
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Kathryann · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 72

Raspberries:

Wow, that's the biggest question I have ever had. My ex-P husband was living with another woman he met in drug rehab within 8 days of leaving me. I can never figure that out and I beat myself up constantly thinking she's better than me, she's younger, blah blah blah, why does he want someone with 4 kids? I don't get it either, and no matter how many t imes someone tells me it's not me, I can't seem to get over that.

Kathryann

stillsmilen · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 355

My XNP used to say "I don't care" alot too.

Cool

stillsmilen
_________________
I made him very sorry that he chose me as a victim!!!
He may have knocked me down, but I got right back up... And kicked his a**!!
(metaphorically speaking ofcourse, but if he hadn't gotten the PPO, I probably would have done it literally too!!)

Raspberries · Guest

Kathryann, it's hard not to take it personally isn't it?.

My ex also said he didn't care a lot and hated making friends because it meant he had to listen to what the other person was saying, which he said he found boring and did not care what they had to say. He only wanted them to listen to him talk Rolling Eyes

. Because he is SO much more important isn't he? Laughing

.

survivormomoftwo · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 311 Location: USA

Stay forcused on that fact that though he (and she even) may paint a pretty picture of bliss, it is only a matter of time before he will hurt her too.

I struggled for a while with the same thing. Even though I left him, I still wondered "why didn't he love me?"

It wasn't until I really realized and accepted that it had nothing to do with me and I feel sorry for the women he preys on now. I am really afraid for them.
_________________
"The quality of your life is determined by the quality of people in your life."

H. Jackson Brown

am · Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 126

It's not that they loved us ever......they were able to manipulate us because we had something they wanted. The way they poured on the charm felt like love.....yes, this is hard to bite that there are such cold and calculating people out there.

However, when we refuse to be victims and say, "No more", they panic and quickly look for their next supply. Yes, I agree with everything said. Read the words b/c they are wise. Some of our Ps are more attractive and charming to others; thus, they are able to quickly able to replace us.

What we have to remember is that we are unique and NOT replaceable. It's just all about how quickly they can get someone else. Supposedly, I was EVERYTHING my P wanted. Interesting.....his new NS is nothing like me. He's not looking for love; rather, he's looking for adimiration and to use someone to meet his needs..

They are desperate for anyone to fill their sick needs. Some are just more skilled than others at conning someone new into it. Don't take it personal. Instead, give yourself a pat on the back that you were able to get out.

Hugs,
Am Laughing

Raspberries · Guest

ljleedom · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 58 Location: Connecticut

For them each woman is like a car. They drive it for as long as they can. They like to own a whole fleet. They also speak sentimentally of cars past owned.
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LJL
ljleedom@aol.com

Gina · Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 5:59 am Post subject:

I was married for 20 yrs. to a miserable, violent, maniac, alcoholic and when he got sober, he left us all, me and my 3 kids and moved in with his new found love that is 20 yrs. younger than him and MINDS him and does everything he says. He hasn't worked for 20 yrs. and he makes her work. In other words, he's a kept man. He never wanted to work when he was with me, but he knew I wouldn't put up with that. I think they know what we'll put up with! Rolling Eyes

My kids seem to think he's so happy with her, but I know better.....She married him to get out of the ghetto and does everything he says so she can have him, for whatever reason, I'll never know, since she's the one who brings in the money.
He's still blaming me for his problems after 20 yrs. of being gone. Any relators out there with this kind of a situation??? Supposedly, he has been HAPPILY MARRIED for 20 years to her!!! Then why is he always taking me to court and trying to turn my kids away from me by saying bad things about me? He can't seem to get me out of his head or life or whatever. And he also can't stand to see me have anything. Rolling Eyes

Gina

ocean · Joined: 12 Feb 2007 Posts: 320

Windsong Please teach me the computer compromised how you did that enter that wonderful kitty,,i just love it

As for the posted question

Well I know it seems like such a let down when we realize we really were not loved and how can they move on,,well,,you cant get water from a rock, lions dont fly, the sky is not falling,,its like an impossibility, they all need deep psychiatric help, and even then 99 percent is not effective, so they are defective, nothing you can ever do will make them into what we wanted, we were deceived, thank goodness it did not take our lives, yes to be lied to all those years,,,trust me,,all the women who are now in any form of relationship with them, will face this truth as well,,,,they will have this pain the same journey you are on.

I had to get past the denial in my brain that his fine footwork of trickery, his charm was all a facade,,all fake,,it means nothing, like watching a movie,,they dont go it period.

I work with mentally ill,,and trust me,,it is challenging to say the least, and a real eye opener, these guys are incapable of being in any relationship, we just need i think to learn ways to see them sooner, to get out quicker, to spot liers, con artists, before our hearts are thrashed.

As for now, when your self esteem is so low, know it can only get better, join a group to boost it,,do something, anything that makes you feel better.

Sorry sweetie, you have met the devil himself
ocean