Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Our parenting plan coordinator has asked me to come up with a list of do's and don'ts for one day non-overnight visits. I have standard things like "She can't go into a public restroom unaccompanied". But then I was thinking of uniquely 'N' things.. like I have read many N's send the children home with different/worse clothing. So I need to add--child will not have clothing changed and/or all clothes sent along for the day will be returned etc. Can you help me out with any other 'N'-specific things that you know about in hindsight from your experience? I have things like "Can't tell her to 'kiss me now!" Can't yell in front of her at others, no name calling etc. Let me know if you have any ideas or a link you can suggest. Thx.

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First thing that came to my mind: don't allow him to change her appearance - no haircuts, no piercings, no henna tattoos on her face that will last 6 weeks, and so on. My XN came soooooo close to chemically treating our daughter's curly hair to straighten it when she was 5 years old... without notifying me and asking her to keep it a secret from me for almost a month.

You can also do a google search on parenting plans and probably find some good tips in some of those.

Thanks for this post. I have a divorce trial coming up in about a month. I had thought about the time limit on pickups, but it never occurred to me I could request age-appropriate tv and movies for the kids.

I have just come back from a family mediation course...and one of the big issues that come up with parenting plans was that a lot of things that parents wanted to have in the plan required the kids themselves to Police!!! Which makes it very difficult when dealing with a N's...as they need policing...but it is generally the kids who have to do that!!! which then puts them in a very confusing situation...because then they have to tell on the other parent...and they see the reaction that brings up when they do tell!! eg. mum get mad at dad and it is all my fault! so generally they start to stop telling cos they see that what they are telling brings up negative reactions....So what I am saying is where you need to put in things that most people would be aware of: ie age appropriate TV/Film watching...think about how you react and what you do to with the information given!

Oh it is a hard one...and I so wish that there were more trained professionals in the nuance and dangers of the narcissists..hence me consolidating all my own past experience and skills to retrain as a mediator.