Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

ljleedom · Joined: 20 Feb 2007 Posts: 58 Location: Connecticut

This web site is authored by Liane J. Leedom, M.D. a psychiatrist and mother. She was also married to a likely psychopath, the father of her son. Since ASPD and Psychopathy are genetic, parents should be aware of what to do to overcome the risks.

http://www.parentingtheatriskchild.com
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LJL
ljleedom@aol.com

Mom1983 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 27 Location: California USA

Neat voting thingymajig./

sag07 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 537 Location: Elgin, IL

Thanks Mom1983, will check out site.

Sag

BloomingintheSON · Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Posts: 345

Thank you for your efforts on behalf of at-risk children. i read your site and highly approve of your insight and advice for parents.

However, even though I feel confident that I raised my chidren with their well-being in mind, I DID NOT KNOW that I had not been successful in avoiding their being influenced by the PRIVATE covert, subtle, insidious multiple abuses of their father toward me that I THOUGHT I had hidden from them. I als DID NOT KNOW that the abuses were the result of a personality disorder -- now diagnosed (by my abuse counselors) as NPD with two co-morbidities (SV'S term, I think)

I was enlightened ONLY after I escaped their father because the physical abuse became life-threatening when I was 65 years old and after 46 years of a non-partner marriage!!! Our children were 45, 43, 37, and 34.

I am an intelligent, well-educated woman but no amount of research these past 5 years has revealed any information about addressing their issues, now revealed to me -- but not to them. They are in deep denial. I wonder if I even have any parental "right" to intervene? Must I accept that I am powerless?

If you happen to know where I could find such information, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance.
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"My intuition is God's gift to me. Using it is my gift to God."

Mom1983 · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 27 Location: California USA

Wow! What a tough situation. You are a very intelligent woman obviously.

I am the same age as your eldest child. I can only tell you what I have experienced.

There are three of us kids. My father and mother were divorced when I was a child. My mother never, ever talked badly about my father. She wanted us to have a good relationship with him despite his short comings.

Dad however, can't let a conversation go by without bad mouthing my now deceased mother. Two (Brother & myself) of the three of us KNOW who Mom was and refuse to talk to dad when he starts his mom crap.

The third however is daddy's little girl. Always has been. Brother and I can't stand her either. *LOL* She is an RN who does home health care for elderly. She is also a predator of the elderly.

I would say, if you really want my advise, is just love your children. Take the higher ground. Some may come around...other's may never see the truth.

Bless you fellow christian.

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1465 Location: Arkansas USA

My 36 yr old son is in prison for murder. He started exhibiting NP behavior at age 11, and at age 15 was uncontrolable and very manipulative. By age 18 he was in prison, got out in 2 yrs, and was out 5 months and returned to prison for murder, where he has been for `15 1/2 yrs now. My son is extremely bright. Extremely brutal. He has learned in the last 15 years to be very successfully manipulative and cunning.

My biological father (age 80 if he is still living and I believe he is) was running away from home and crossing half the US successfully at age 8. He is a brutal man with 7 ex wives. Very intelligent. I was not raised around this man, and did not meet him until I was 18. I worked for him for 2 years. I have been NC for 40 years. Two of his 4 children are NC. The rest of his family (cousins) are NC and his 2 sibs were "distant" from him, but not totally NC.
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Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

lynn1234 · Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 619

Oxdrover, I hope you see my post because I just want to give you a Hug..
My aunt was murdered by her stalker boyfriend. They dated for a while and when she realized he was abusive she tried to get away. He started to stalk and threaten her. She finally got him thrown in jail after he kicked her.. I don't know all the details of the abuse.. He only spent several months in jail. He was more enraged and was determined to kill her for putting him in jail. She moved in with different friends trying to get him off her tail and cover her tracks. Unfortunately he was very skilled at finding her. He shot and killed her.
There are a lot of details how he got caught but many people stepped forward to provide evidence against him. Thank God for the brave people who went to the police while he was on the run! These same people also testified in court and he now has Life without the possibility of Perole. I am still frightened of him. I still worry that one day he may hire someone to find my family and kill them too. He doesn't have anything to loose. Even though my mom is an NM I will always respect her for going to court against him!
Anyway, the reason why I am telling you this is because if you have any guilt for the way he turned out, don't. As a victim of someone who's loved relative was murdered I feel sorry for the mother of the man who murdered my aunt. She has also lost her son and many of the dreams she had for her son have gone up in flames. I never talked to the mother of my aunts murder. All I hope for is peace for her and for her to never blame herself. And for her to know that the relatives of the one who was murdered don't blame her! Hugs to you....

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1465 Location: Arkansas USA

DEar sweet Lynn,

Thank you so much for your kind and empathetic post for me. Fortunately, I never "blamed"myself for my son's behaivor, though I did keep on with malignant hope and tried to find the "magic words" that could prevent him from becoming just what he became---frustration more than guilt.

Yes, I am quite afraid of him, as he sent his friend the Trojan Horse P to infiltrate our family and to murder me (increase his inheritance) and when that failed, the TH-P started an affair with my DIL and they tried to kill my non-P son but got arrested. I am now seeing that my DIL who I didn't actually know very well even though we have lived on the same plot of ground for almost 4 years of their 7 yr marriage, is actually a P as well.

I knew she was looking for a "meal ticket" when she married my son, and was cool but cordial in her limited interactions with me and with my mother for several years (very formal too) but I never dreamed she was actually a P--but it is apparent now that she is arrested that that is exactly what she is. Her BF, the TH-P, and mhy P-son in prison are scary to me, but SHE is even more scary now, now that I realize just how much she HATES AND BLAMES ME for her being in jail and her plans failing. WOW!

Yes, I can understand how you would be somewhat leary of him finding a "friend" in prison to come hurt the family.

Believe it or not, right after the murder my son did, I actually was jealous of the mother of the dead girl--I would have traded places with her instantly, because I could have had some closure more easily I thought. The families of "murder victims" get public empathy and support and the mothers/families of the murderer get "blame" for raisiing a monster....

Thank you for realizing that the families of the "bad guys" are not themselves "all bad"---we (most families IMO) did the best we could, but didn't do the things we (most familiies IMO) should have done and didn't see--go NC with these monsters, and accept that they are what they are.

I accepted that my son was guilty (and some families can't accept that fact no matter how damning the evidence) I met a nice lady who is the mother of one of my son's friends in prison as we went to visit and stood in line for hours to get in, and though her son was convicted of killing a woman for hire with a hammer in front of several witnesses, she still cannot accept his guilt. He was "framed"---and yes, I realize that there ARE innocent people in prison, some just by accident, and some probably framed by crooked cops--but the vast majority are guilty.When I heard the OVERPOWERING EVIDENCE against my son, there was NO doubt in my mind that he had done what he was acused of, even though for years he denied it. Now he is actually PROUD OF IT. That was when I decided I HAD TO GO NC with him. While most of the time posing as a "reformed" person, "having found jesus, and budha and every other religious person or God in the world" he drops that "mask of sanity" every once in a while and you can see the EVIL SOUL inside his head and heart. I will do whatever I can to see that he remains in prison for the rest of his natural life. Though he got "life" he will come up for parole every few years.

I had wanted so badly to "believe" that my son could get out and live a good life that I was in denial as much as the woman who denied her son's guilt...so I can't look down on her for that, I am sure she is in as much pain as I was...acknowledging that my son was actually guilty was THE single most painful time of my life...even more so than my husband's death 3 yrs ago.

The way I "deal with it" now is I only think about the cute little boy he was before age 11---and there it stops. I don't have many good memories of him thereafter, so as far as I am concerned the cute little boy is "dead" or gone, etc. and the "man" is NOT anyone I care about. Can't be. I don't even have any photos of him past about age 9 or 10, don't want any. Threw them away. EVen the images in my mind of the adult man are becoming "foggy" and less painful, and mayb e my therapist will tell me thisw is not a well balanced way to "deal" with it, but I think I have done all the grieving over the loss of my "son"--from the time he killed that girl, until now when I really saw what a monster he has become, and have come to the ACCEPTANCE stage of the grief process. He IS what he IS, I don't choose to have any contact with him, and I am OK with that.

Thanks again, Lynn for your empathy. I am so sorry your aunt was killed by that monster, and I am glad he is in prison where he can't get out again. Prison is not a "nice life" for anyone, but Ns and Ps seem to thrive there and at least they aren't able to prey on the public any more. (((hugs)))))
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Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.