Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

finding peace · Joined: 16 Apr 2007 Posts: 24

Hi All,

I am new here – and thank you all so very much for posting. You have saved my sanity. Sorry in advance - this is a long one....

Both of my genetic donors were complete and utter narcissists.

For example, my sperm donor decided that after we were grown, he was going to write a book on how to be a good father. WTF???? This was the man who got into a slapping match with me when I was 2 years old. He slapped me across the face because I wouldn’t go to bed. I hit him back. He hit me again, again, and again…. Yeah – have to teach that 2 year old who is boss! Evil or Very Mad

I don’t remember the incident, but my incubator assures me it happened, as she was an eyewitness who watched it all happen and claimed, "it was so sad watching your father break you." Shocked

Another time, after he completely ruined his finances and was on the verge of bankruptcy (this after he had inherited more than a quarter of a million dollars at a time when that was a lot of money) – he decided to become a financial advisor????????????

My incubator was always in the background. Never too overt, but never really there either except to criticize, to mock, to throw me in the path of the beast so she wouldn’t have to take it, to do everything except be a supportive, nurturing mother…. I can remember one time when I was in third grade, I was supposed to create a poster for school. It was a multi-school competition, but was not required. The night before, she starts in on me, criticizing me yet again for forgetting. I heard it for an hour – she just wouldn’t let up. I submitted the poster. About a week later I came home from school and found out I won first place. Out of hundreds of kids, I won first place (I always tried to keep a low profile, as coming in first place in my house was so not a good idea as it took attention away from others). I was shocked; I never expected that I would win. She had my trophy in her hands and said, "I don’t know whether I should give this to you or not. You don’t deserve it. You didn’t do that poster until the night before it was due." You know the really weird part? For about 2 months after that she was drawing all the time (note that I never, ever saw her draw before this). She framed her signed and dated "artwork" and hung it on the wall???????????? Rolling Eyes

My artwork – trashcan!

My father died a couple of years ago, and up until then it was the “drama of the sperm donor’s life.” After he died, I thought it was over. I thought finally, I can live my life without cringing every time the phone rings. Yeah, she was an emotional infant, but at least the drama would end. Aaaaaagggggggghhhh (me screaming). He died, she took over and picked up right where he left off. Aaaaaagggggggghhhh (me screaming again).

I had "my final episode in the drama of my incubator’s life" last fall. It was my AWAKENING. It was so incredibly painful, and yet, after the acute pain subsided, so very enlightening. After the last abusive episode, I went on line and searched child abuse and found this site and began to reclaim my sanity – thanks to you all.

I have been NC for approximately 6 months, and it has been both Heaven and He**, but it is getting better. So thank you, thank you, thank you. Without the advice and support this forum has given me, I am not sure where I would be today – most likely a mirror in the drama of someone else’s life.

FP
_________________
When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long, just remember - far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed that in the spring becomes the rose (Excerpt from The Rose – Bette Midler)

Riccy101 · Joined: 18 Feb 2007 Posts: 287

Hi Finding Peace.

Welcome! I'm glad you decided to take the plunge and write.

"Sperm donor" and "incubator" is a better description of our parents than "mother" and "father", but NM and NF is shorter. Either way... they smell the same... Surprised

I'm happy you've joined. I'm sure you'll contribute greatly. As a matter of fact, you already have. You wrote,

eyeswideopen · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 212

Hi finding peace!

I am so glad you found this forum and that it has helped you!

I found myself cringing when reading about how your nm picked up art as a new hobby after seeing your success. They always had to be the best, always needed the spotlight on them. It angers me that it is in spite of a little girl, a little girl with a broken heart. Maybe you should make a new one and hang it on your wall? Anyway.. I really related to what you said there.

Welcome, I am glad you are here! Wink

_________________
"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?"
Kahlil Gibran

seekingserenity · Joined: 14 Mar 2007 Posts: 179

Hi Finding Peace,

Welcome! I am so sorry for all of the abuse that you -- that we -- had to endure as child and also as adults.

I, too, was physically abused by Nfather, and my awful Nmother did nothing about it. Oh this is so awful. I hate them so much for this. If nothing else, if I ever feel guilty about NC, I just think about that awful child abuse. I feel like if I posted about it, it would be too upsetting (for me or for others, I'm not sure) -- it was so bad.

I'm glad that you, too, have found NC. We are going to have a life away from these freaks, these creeps, these abusers, these assholes. Sperm donor and incubator -- that's what they were. We have to de-humanize them, in a way, to get true detachment. Real mothers and fathers don't beat their children until they're bruised. They don't beat their children so much, that their children are even afraid to call the police. Keep posting, and take care.

Serenity

SpiritShell · Joined: 24 Mar 2007 Posts: 377 Location: Canada

Hi Peace, awesome to meet you.

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 486

Welcome friend.

justmee · Joined: 15 Feb 2007 Posts: 692

Hi, it is so nice to meet you. Sorry you had to live thru that crap. My son draws....I have every one of them, framed and on my walls for display. I can not believe your mom, well, yeah I can...got one of my own...

welcome,
justmee

finding peace · Joined: 16 Apr 2007 Posts: 24

Hi All,

Thank you for responding.

Riccy - you hit the nail on the head. I spent so much of my childhood catering to his moods that her actions seemed relatively minor. Boy, did the personality become glaringly apparent after he died. Two years later I am still in shock!! I have read some of your story - and my heart goes out to you and what you suffered with your Nfamily.

Hi eyeswideopen - I can relate to your name - my eyes are soooo wide open now! I am sorry you related to that story - it sounds like you may have had a similar NM? It does hurt. I was always put last in my family, and that was one of the first times in my life that I came in first, and she couldn't even allow me to that.

Seekingserenity - I am so sorry if my post upset you in anyway. I will be more careful in the future to add a warning that the content may trigger and will try to avoid details. My heart goes out to you as a fellow survivor - and that is what we are isn't it - survivors.

SpiritShell - it is very true. The way I viewed the world shifted in the space of a day after the last episode. My mind still struggles with this new view sometimes, but it is so much better than before.

thayilflies - thank you friend. I have read your posts and can relate. I too lived with my nfamily while I completed school. It takes a tremendous toll. I was finally able to move out and can remember coming home from work and being shocked (in a good way) at the peace in my life. You too will get out one day. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it is sooner rather than later.

justme - I am so glad to hear that you keep and frame your son's artwork. You sound like a wonderful mother despite what you were raised with. It takes a tremendous amount of self-awareness to break the pattern doesn't it - congratulations.

Thanks again and am glad to be here.
_________________
When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long, just remember - far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed that in the spring becomes the rose (Excerpt from The Rose – Bette Midler)

seekingserenity · Joined: 14 Mar 2007 Posts: 179

Peace, you wrote: