Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

sunnyday · Joined: 18 Apr 2007 Posts: 25

My husband is the golden/ mirrored child and my MIL is a narcissist.
I have been married for 6yrs now and my NMIL controls our lives
living in India and we are in the USA, still she dictates when my
husband has to eat, when he has to sleep, whether we can go out
shopping / to a mall and who can be our friends. Though there are
cultural differences as we are an Indian family, this is absolutely
not normal even in Indian families. My NMIL has also not let my
husband be by my side when I delivered both my children. He left me at the hospital as per his mom's instructions and both my children were in the ICU at that time.

My question is how can my husband listen to every word of his mom and
be remote controlled by her who is so far away from us?. Also
initially whenever he repeats any of the words his mom says to him I
used to talk to him and we would have big fights but there would be
some change in my husband. After some time my NMIL told my husband to
give me threats like he would leave me if I didnt listen to him - so
my husband started telling me that he would leave me if I did
anything against his/ his mom's wishes - walking out of a marriage is
a taboo in India, this is what they used as a weapon to control me,
I'm a well educated person and hold a masters degree from US. With
this threat I became very silent and let my husband do what his mom
says and this has taken the situation beyond control and my husband
totally dances to his mothers tunes now.

How should I change my husband - do I go back to fighting with him /
explaining/ educating him - because he doesnt seem to understand
anything in the world except for what his mom tells him.
How can he listen to her like a zombie.