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Fighting back a psychopath friend

Sam Vaknin is the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" and 8 other books about personality disorders and abuse in relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. He is the owner and moderator of support forums and the first person to have written about the Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) online (in 1997). He invented many of the terms currently used to describe the disorder and its effects on family, the workplace, and in various professions.

Where to go to ask Dr. Sam questions. This is intended as Questions to Dr. Vaknin and his responses

** Please do not post replies in this forum. This forum is for Dr. Vaknin ONLY to answer questions. Any general discussion posts WILL be deleted without warning.**

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Fighting back a psychopath friend

Postby 22guy » Sun Oct 12, 2014 6:47 pm

Dear Sam,

2,5 years ago my best friend cheated on me with my girlfriend. When the friend found out I knew about it, he started to bully me by rubbing it in my face. He even said he didn't care. Obviously I was very mad (also very scared), and he used this too quickly turn my friends and colleagues (we were colleagues) against me.

I lost most of my friends and my workplace was like hell. 2 old friends quickly became is 'loyal followers' doing most of the smear campaign. Then I learned about psychopathy, and he has a whole lot of traits. He got fired quickly afterwards and i moved to another town, making literal no contact easy. but it is not easy at all, particulary because some old friends wanted to make it up with me, but I felt i couldn't tell them and tried to establish no contact with them as well.

In a few Weeks I Will move back to the town I come from and I am going to live with 2 mutual friends of me and the psychopath, because I have to leave this house.

I was really worried about what to do. What should I tell these friends? They remained neutral during our conflict, but they hang out with him weekly(!). Totday I was searching for help on the internet and red your article about te 'conflictive posture' wich appealed to me very much.

I was thinking about telling them he is a liar without a concience (calling him a psychopath will be counterproductive, I presume) and that they have to decide on their own about maintaining the friendship with him, but that I have to protect myself and put up boundaries. I will ask them to respect my wish to have minimal contact and not giving him any personal information about me.

What else can I do? How can I protect myself from him and further smear campaigns.
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Re: Fighting back a psychopath friend

Postby samvaknin » Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:30 pm

Follow your own - very good - advice:

"I was thinking about telling them he is a liar without a concience (calling him a psychopath will be counterproductive, I presume) and that they have to decide on their own about maintaining the friendship with him, but that I have to protect myself and put up boundaries. I will ask them to respect my wish to have minimal contact and not giving him any personal information about me."

How to Cope with Stalkers and Paranoids

http://vaksam.tripod.com/abuse21b.html

http://vaksam.tripod.com/abuse21a.html

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http://vaksam.tripod.com/abuse16.html

http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily14.html

http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily16.html

http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily17.html

http://vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily18.html
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