Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1465 Location: Arkansas USA

Dear NewMe,

I really don't think it is any more painful to kick a son to the curb than it would have been to kick a lifemate that I loved to the curb...it is all pain of the worst sort.

The odd thing though, is if my husband had treated me like that I would have kicked him to the curb pretty quickly, but somehohw I kept thinking it was different with my son---it wasn't---I couldn't "fix" him any more than I could have a mate.

I lived in "magic land" where I thought there was some "magic word" or phrase I could pour into my son's ear and he would "get better"---and he played on me like a fine violin! Like everyone here, I just got ENOUGH of it, and finally realized with my gut what my HEAD ALREADY KNEW---dumped the 24 karat DENIAL and owned up to the fact that my son is a MONSTER, just like my bio-father was--I wrote "is" and had to go back and amend it, since he died a couple of weeks ago. It isn't any difference to finally face facts that your SON or kid is a monster than that anyone you love is a monster. It is emotional pain and loss. PERIOD.

I'm not one whit stronger than any one on this board---unless it is strongly holding onto denial in the face of reality! Boy, I sure did that! I also strongly beat myself over the head for not doing something sooner.

It is very difficult to realize and admit that we have been USED like toilet paper, and that we didn't catch on sooner. It is painful to realize that we loved someone so much that we allowed them to abuse us. But accepting that, believing that, and resolving those feelings will lead to a better YOU, a stronger YOU, a happier YOU. Letting them back into our lives is only allowing them to USE US AGAIN.

My late husband was a very funny guy and o ne of his favorite saying was that:

"it is bad enough when someone craps on your head, but it is TOO MUCH when they slide down your nose to wipe their butt"---

and I think every person on this list will admit that their N or P did just that!

My son C and I were talking on the telephone today and we both commented that there may not be lots of "numbers" in our family left, but we are Psychopath FREE for the first time in a LONG time. He has had ENOUGH not only of his P-brother but his P-soon to be X-wife as well. NO CONTACT---in fact, he doesn't even want to know about her plea or sentencing--he doesn't even want to know if she goes to prison or not. TOTAL and complete NO CONTACT.

That is the ideal NC for sure, but quite frankly, I want to keep an "eye" on what my P-son is up to from a distance so that I will possibly have warning if he starts to "reach out" and touch me again. Even from his prison cell he was manipulating the family for his own benefit. This is one you can't "just get over and forget" you have to keep watching your back as long as he is alive. I'm afraid my DIL is just as bad and she hates me very much. She won't be in prison long most likely, and may be another "robot" for my P-son. So it will be a wise person who keeps up with them just as a matter of self preservation. Fortunately, most Ps are not this violent, but I don't trust ANY of them too far. Many have the potential to become violent if they are thwarted.

Just keep your GOOD SENSE about you---and use it even when your heart tells you not to. We (suvivors) MUST listen to our heads even when our hearts feel pity or other emotions that are not logical.

My prayers are with you and that God may give you comfort and wisdom and strength in your healing. ((((Hugs)))) and peace.
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Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.

skittish_kitten · Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 51

omg Matilda...rotflmfao!! thanks, i really needed that Laughing

...really it is all word salad and it's a sad desparate attempt to suck you back in~ i''ve got loads of 'em from countless xNP's now...with this new vision from the site and studying everything that they are~rather nasty sick people, at least you can protect yourself from their nonsense though, all the best and welcome NewMe...

NewMe · Joined: 05 Sep 2007 Posts: 18

Its been two months tonight that my P gas me and I thought I was going to died. Unfortunately, problems are recycle in my brain over and over, requiring to face issues related to the trauma. Is that normal? I know it helps me keep the "NO CONTACT"
Matilda thanks for your "translation" P garbage email.
I have been ignoring his emails. This site does keep me stay strong and I keep saying to my self "I can do this for a better life." Very Happy

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In uncertain times when hope seem elusive, there is an unseen grace...a blanket of silent prayers covering and comforting, like the wings of angels

OxDrover · Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 1465 Location: Arkansas USA

Dear NewMe,

I am so glad to hear from you and that you are doing well and staying NC with him.

If there is a "down side" to this forum, when I don't hear from someone for a few days I wonder if they are OK. Glad that you are! ((((hugs)))))

There are so many caring people here that have been through almost exactly the same thing that it is almost like they were all married to the SAME MAN! (laugh) There is so much about these people that is predictable--the names may be different, even the faces, but the actions have a pattern to them--a pattern of abuse, trying to suck the victim back into the web of their lies and their supposed "love"---when all they are doing is trying to trap you again so they can abuse you more.

Even a poor little kitten learns to run if you kick it enough times, or a puppy dog learns to stay away from someone that consistently hurts them, no matter now "nice" that person later tries to be to get close enough to kick it. We need to be as smart and wise as that kitten or that puppy and get away from them, and no matter how "nice" they beg us to come back in their reach, we MUST STAY AWAY from them.

I am so glad you are doing well, keep posting and let us know how you are, we really DO CARE. Keep reading and learn about these Ns and Ps so that you can protect yourself in the future and not get sucked in by another one. ((((Hugs and prayers to you))))
_________________
Life is lived forward, but understood backwards.