Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

Blancfleur · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 50

I've been NC for around 10 weeks now after 10 years with N/P. A lot of really bad things happened in the last 2 years. For the most part of those 2 years though, I was convinced that if I could be "good enough" and he saw his pdoc, took his meds, etc (had been diagnosed as bipolar) that everything would be okay, and that the man I met would return.

I don't consider myself a hateful person who is generally vindictive, and I feel uncomfortable about some of the thoughts I have about him now which are basically about taking revenge. I was thinking yesterday that I wouldn't shoot him or kill him because that would be an easy way out for him - too kind.

Sometimes when I'm driving my car, and there is a motorbike in front of me, I get this thought of "Oh, well if that was him, I could just give him a good firm nudge with my car. Better still, I'd like to scare him by tailing him closely and following him until he is exhausted and crying, and then just pulls over. Then I'd like to walk up to him and punch him in the nose.

I'm hoping this is a phase, and looking forward to the day when the N/P just doesn't even come into my head. Has anyone had these types of thoughts and then gotten past them.

Thanks.

Nolongerhisvictim · Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 1380

Blancfleur,
Don't allow yourself to entertain such thoughts because all it does is keep him in your head. The best thing to do is as soon as the thoughts come inside your head, that you make a conscious effort to remove them from your mind either by replacrment with something else or just commanding the thoughts to leave.

I believe it is just a stage of healing that you are going through. I felt revengeful to a certain degree and played scenarios of what I would do if I saw him. Over time I found that wasn't benefitting me, only keeping my focus where it shouldn't be, so I actively practiced NOT entertaining the thoughts at all.

Good luck...

NLHV
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NLHV

Blancfleur · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 50

Thanks NLHV

sweetcaroline51 · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 542 Location: Canada

Blancfleur,
I have a similar situation. I seperated from my ex husband p 2 years ago-he too was diagnosed with bipolar. He was/is evil. I feel the same as you do. While I truly believe that nc is the ultimate revenge, I can't help but think that I would love to know he is miserable. I don't dwell on it but the thoughts are there. I's sure it is understandable to have these thoughts given the crap they put us through. Stay strong-I think we are normal.
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Caroline

Blancfleur · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 50

Thanks Caroline. When I first came to this board about 18 months ago, I would see postings where people would write about the N/P as evil, and at that time, I thought that was an exageration from hurt people.

Unfortunately, through my own experience and more time with the N/P, bipolar or whatever he is, I've come to believe he is evil also. Well, evil is about taking pleasure in causing pain to another, using people for one's own selfish reasons. and experiencing no guilt, remorse or empathy.

I appreciate your encouragement, and sending support to you too.

pinkybubbles · Guest

I once thought I saw my exs mother (who I believe to be a P also) crossing the road at a crossing- I considered putting my foot down instead of breaking- but because I had my baby girl in the car decided against this course of action and thankfully so because it wasnt his mother.

The best course of revenge is too live a happy well rounded life- to get over them and have no need for them in your life- this is the only revenge to place upon a P because this is what they life and survive by .

oaktree · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 362 Location: Minnesota

well my T says that thoughts of revenge are a normal reaction to what people like us have gone through with these people.

thoughts are not actions and it is okay to be angry however you experience that feeling. if its thoughts of revenge, there is nothing wrong with that.

its just if you ACT on those thoughts of revenge that you are not helping yourself or them.

heck, when kicking my cardboard boxes, using that foam bat, punching my sons punching bag, or punching pillows, I NEED to experience those thoughts of revenge that I BLOCKED OUT for a very very long time.

my message from my Nsis and my religious parent was that feeling anger or having thoughts of revenge were sinful. POPPYCOCK!!!!! That message was part of what kept me from healing!!! Mad

go ahead and let yourself fully experience those feelings and thoughts. thats how you get to the next stage and see the light. Hugs. Oaktree.

Blancfleur · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 50

Thanks Pinky and Oaktree. Just writing about what was going on it my head seems to have settled it. This morning however, I realised when I woke that I had been grinding my teeth in my sleep and my front lower teeth were sore from this for a couple of hours this morning. I felt upset about it. I have only ever done this in the last 2 years, and it has always been when I've been anxious or upset about this relationship. This morning when I realised about my teeth, I felt angry. I'm not sure whether it was at myself, at him or both. I just know that he hasn't been worth the toll on my health, appearance, and even my teeth now. The sooner he is right out of my head, the better.

Thanks everyone.

pinkybubbles · Guest

Blancfleur · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 50

Thanks Pinky,
I've heard about the shields, but I doubt I would be able to sleep with one in, and they are quite expensive from what I've heard.

pinkybubbles · Guest

Blancfleur · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 50

Good point Pinky. I'd be interested to hear how you go with the shield - if it's okay to sleep with and whether it helps the teeth from wearing down.. This morning, the way my mouth felt, I was scared that Ihad actually loosened my lower front teeth from clenching and grinding with such force in my sleep.

pinkybubbles · Guest

with me its my back teeth- they r very small coz ive done this all my life-

marion · Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Posts: 1

Hi, BlancFleur.

I can relate to your thoughts. And, I was told that in some cases, it is perfectly normal to experience thoughts of revenge. The point is not to act them out. Repressing any feelings and thoughts is just asking for trouble. Allow them to enter, bless them and let them go.

On a sidenote: The best revenge is living well and making good choices.

Much love to you.

Blancfleur · Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 50

(((((Marion))))) That makes so much sense. I have noticed that the teeth grinding is worse when I'm really trying NOT to think about him when I'm awake.

Lol, Definitely I know in my heart that the best revenge would be for me to go and get a fantastic life and be happy. Thank you.