Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

I missed a few red flags in the beginning, because I mis-interpreted the idea of grandiosity.

In what ways did your N exhibit grandiosity?

Example:
Mine constantly bragged about his house. The first time I saw it, I was shocked! Yeah, it was cozy and all, but it was nowhere near the golden mansion I expected to see! By the way he boasted about it, you would have thought it was featured in Architectural Digest or something!!

In what ways was your N a "legend in his own mind?"

said "we are better looking than most people"

said "I kicked and clawed my way up the corporate ladder to become the youngest executive ever at ___. I had to step on alot of people to get there".

often said that ex-wife #1 used their daughter to extort HIS money (not that it is his RESPONSIBILITY to support his own daughter financially).

had a 'how dare you' look on his face whenever someone challenged or questioned him.... like he was THE authority.

referred to himself as 'the golden boy'... and told anyone who would listen to the how and why.

Thought he was the expert re: football plays, etc... simply b/c he played high school football (I called him 'Al Bundy' in my mind whenever he would get cocky and start talking football).

louxloux wrote:Thought he was the expert re: football plays, etc... simply b/c he played high school football (I called him 'Al Bundy' in my mind whenever he would get cocky and start talking football).

LOL! Too funny....mine always claimed to have achieved "national recognition" in every sport he ever played....which was, of course, MOST SPORTS! Haha! I always think it's kinda pathetic when older guys start "waxing nostalgic" about their wonder years.....sheesh!

My N ex-wife's excuse for not going out to work was that "she couldn't work for anyone as she was too used to working for herself"..

She had a couple of market stalls that didn't make any money, and she currently sells books under some MLM scheme.. again, this doesn't make any substantial amount of money.. at least not what a good, honest full-time job would bring in.

MM

Peace

Oh, Man---that is a whole 'nother great topic....

Are Ns more prone to falling for MLM schemes??

Two Ns I know personally are BOTH involved in pyramid scams, another is in a cult.

For being, in my opinion, seemingly "intelligent" people, they sure are gullible!

LOL Oh yes.. My N ex-wife has fallen for just about anything that's going... You name it, she's done it. She's a member of a good few of the Internet-based marketing networks out there.. Yes, Ns are just so gullible in that way I'm afraid..

MM

Peace

What a great idea for a thread :)

Used to refer to himself as "The Great .(insert both names).........."

Told me his parents were doctors.........they were elderly retired - non doctors.

Told me that he worked for himself.............he'd just got sacked.

Bragged about his money and cars.................he had no money and his car (singular) was nothing special.

Told me he lived in a big house - lived in a very small house with his parents.

Ahhhh - Happy Days :)

My elderly N mother is the LEAST GRANDIOSE and MOST HUMBLE person in the WHOLE WORLD! Just call her up and she'll tell you AAAALLLLLLLL about it, enumerating the various great achievements and personal qualities she has been NOTHING BUT HUMBLE about, and all the nice awards and ceremonies where her name was mentioned, or she was given special recognition, or something was done in her honor. And she NEVER WANTED ANY OF IT, she doesn't like all the attention on her, she's NEVER sought attention of any sort, blah blah blah. You want her phone #? I'm sure she'd LOVE to hear from you!

btw, she'll probably also tell you that she & I had a PERFECT relationship until she started receiving awards and recognition (which she NEVER WANTED) and I went NC because I'm jealous.

<giggle>

Yeah, I've heard those spiels too.....he NEVER wanted to be in the spotlight; HATED the attention, DIDN'T LIKE people looking at him.

On and on and on.....blah blah blah.... I almost went into a coma listening to it all.....

Then, the next conversation he'd be crowing about himself like an old skanky rooster in the barnyard! LOL!

<giggle>

Yeah, I've heard those spiels too.....he NEVER wanted to be in the spotlight; HATED the attention, DIDN'T LIKE people looking at him.

On and on and on.....blah blah blah.... I almost went into a coma listening to it all.....

Then, the next conversation he'd be crowing about himself like an old skanky rooster in the barnyard! LOL!

We were at a restaurant and the waiter asked the N, "Have I seeing you before...you look familiar? The N's face went :P -- his butt didn't fit on the chair -- that's how happy he looked! N told the waiter .... "you're a good man.... you are a good man...thank you... thank you.... I'll take care of you when the bill comes". When the waiter left, I asked N what was that all about?! N said..... "the waiter thinks I am a movie star..... or a professional football player.... and I'm just playing along..... why ruin his night?"

I was like A true N-moron!

Mine told people that he went to the same college I went to and would show other women his dorm room. He never went to any college. He told me and other women that he had night tremors from the war and very graphic detailed stories about what he did in the war. He was never in the war. He has never been over seas. He told me that he grew up in Ft. Worth but he was raised in New Jersey.

Is this grandiosity as well or something more sick?

It's re-writing history.

Like someone's story is more fascinating than their own, so they steal it.

Plagiarism? Or "Pseudo-logica Fantastica"? You decide!

Don't they realize that in time they will be found out about the lies? Of course I was stupid and forgave him for the lies. It just seems like they make up all these fantasies to have attention and when they are found out or get bored they simply up and move on. Is this part of the disorder?

I'm almost sad that I went NC at a time when N was really crashing and burning...lol. So I probably haven't got to hear about how he's now supposedly a millionaire or something. But he has said:

1. That he used to be the smartest guy in his entire school (never mind that he cheated his way through, and still only got average grades).

2. That he's SO handsome. He looks like a mole. Imagine a mole turned into a man. Yep. Almost circus freak ugly. But that doesn't stop him from openly saying out loud how "ugly" people walking along the street are compared to him.

3. He only managed to complete one semester of university (and I don't think he passed many papers). But he still tells me that he practically has 100s of people BEGGING him to work for them as an (untrained) engineer. Yeah right.

4. He has the name of a famous war hero, and he sometimes seems to think that he is a reincarnation of that guy

5. Tells people that his father employed 30,000 people in his business - virtually his whole town apparently. His Dad actually only employed a few people in a small property firm.

6. Basically you can name any sport, language, hobby etc, and he'll claim to be brilliant at it.

7. Tells EVERYONE that he's going to be a millionaire one day. Does he have any plans as to how he'll do it? No. But he's SURE it will happen.

8. Doesn't work at all. But that doesn't stop him from thinking that he can "manage" the people around him. When his bosses get pissed off, he bad mouths them by saying how useless they are, and how he'd be a million times better. He's been fired from more jobs than I can count.

9. Thinks waiters and other people like that are his personal servants, and isn't afraid to treat them as such. I bet a lot of people have spat in his drinks.


To the above comment about how your N thought he'd been recognised as someone famous...OMG that's got to be one of the funniest things I've ever heard. You should have slipped the waiter $10 or something to bring out the other waiters and all gush over N "Oh my goodness! It's Brad Pitt! Brad, Brad, over here! Can we get your signiture? This is the happiest day of my life!!"

My ex used to walk through crowded rooms and accidentally hit into chairs and people. I used to follow in his footsteps, picking up the jackets he had dropped and apologising to the people he had upset. I had to stop a guy from punching him one night because he had caused the drink to spill down his girlfriends dress. The N was completely oblivious.
This however was nothing in comparison to his plans for the future...
My N ex is starting an airline. He is fresh out of university with a degree in engineering. 6 business partners have walked away in 18 months because they disagree with his projections. He has 1 left. This 1 guy has invested nothing, will lose nothing and already has a proper job. My ex has £100,000 (so he tells everyone anyway) of the £30,000,000 he needs. He has no experience, no pilots, no planes, no ops and an office that he doesn't have to pay rent for on his old university campus... To add insult to injury, the company that he was going to lease the planes from has gone into administration in the last few weeks. To the best of my knowledge that hasn't stopped my ex!
I don't think I would put any of my money towards the £29,900,000 extra that he needs just to get up and running!

My N-soon to be ex-husband, was most grandiose about our family. He projected that we were the perfect family. Two kids, nice house, perfect couple, etc. I spent a lot of time believing this and it kept me distracted from the fact that he treated me like crap a lot of the time (not in front of others of course) and that he had a major drug problem that I was unaware of. He projected that we had some little secret that the rest of the world didn't have because we loved each other so much and were so close. This is despite the fact that he was RARELY intimate with me.

The other grandiose projection he had was about his job. He always said that the company wouldn't know what to do if he picked up and left. He acted as though the entire company's success was dependent on his job performance.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall - who is the fairest of them all...why tis I....."(insert deluded P)

"Look at my golden flowing hair" - average mousey fair hair

"I have a great physique" - (beer gut and skinny legs)

"Ive been under the Colossus of Rhodes"( ) - there isnt one unless you count Jason and the Argonauts film. :twisted:


"Everyone loves me where-ever I go" - nope, people cringed - if he ever went anywhere twice.

"I am a benefactor to so many" - mean and a theif.

As one Source of Narcissistic Supply dwindles, the narcissist finds himself
trapped in a frantic (though, at times, unconscious) effort to secure
alternatives. As one Pathological Narcissistic Space (the narcissist's
stomping grounds) is rendered "uninhabitable" (too many people "see through"
the narcissist's manipulation and machinations) – the narcissist wanders off
to find another.

These hysterical endeavours sometimes lead to boom-bust cycles which
involve, in the first stage, the formation of a Grandiosity Bubble.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/grandiositybubbles.html

The grandiose fantasies of the narcissist inevitably and invariably clash
with his drab, routine, and mundane reality. We call this constant
dissonance the Grandiosity Gap. Sometimes the gap is so yawning that even
the narcissist - however dimly - recognizes its existence. Still, this
insight into his real situation fails to alter his behaviour. The narcissist
knows that his grandiose fantasies are incommensurate with his
accomplishments, knowledge, status, actual wealth (or lack thereof),
physical constitution, or sex appeal - yet, he keeps behaving as though this
were untrue.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal56.html

The narcissist cathexes (emotionally invests) with grandiosity everything he
owns or does: his nearest and dearest, his work, his environment. But, as
time passes, this pathologically intense aura fades. The narcissist finds
fault with things and people he had first thought impeccable. He
energetically berates and denigrates that which he equally zealously exulted
and praised only a short while before.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/devaluediscard.html

Being the target of relentless, ubiquitous, and unjust persecution proves to
the paranoid narcissist how important and feared he is. Being hounded by the
mighty and the privileged validates his pivotal role in the scheme of
things. Only vital, weighty, crucial, essential principals are thus bullied
and intimidated, followed and harassed, stalked and intruded upon - goes his
unconscious inner dialog. The narcissist consistently baits authority
figures into punishing him and thus into upholding his delusional self-image
as worthy of their attention. This provocative behaviour is called
Projective Identification.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal60.html

It is healthy to daydream and fantasize. It is the antechamber of life and
its circumstances. It is a process of preparing for eventualities,
embellished and decorated. No, I am talking about feeling grandiose.

This feeling has four components.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal9.html

Question:

What happens to a narcissist who lacks even the basic potential and skills
to realise some of his grandiose fantasies?

Answer:

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq3.html

Question:

Is the narcissist confined in his grandiose fantasies to one subject?

Answer:

This apparently simple question is more complex than it sounds. The
narcissist is bound to make use of his more pronounced traits and qualities
in both the design of his False Self and the extraction of Narcissistic
Supply from others. Thus, a cerebral narcissist is likely to emphasise his
intellect, his brainpower, his analytical skills and his rich and varied
fund of knowledge. A somatic narcissist accentuates his body, his physical
strength, his appearance, his sex appeal and so on. But this is only one
facet of the answer. It seems that narcissists engage in what could best be
described as Narcissistic Hedges.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq35.html

The disparity between the accomplishments of the narcissist and his
grandiose fantasies and inflated self-image - the Grandiosity Gap - is
staggering and, in the long run, insupportable. It imposes onerous
exigencies on the narcissist's grasp of reality and social skills. It pushes
him either to seclusion or to a frenzy of "acquisitions" - cars, women,
wealth, power.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/grandiositygap.html

cannot confront my life - that dreary, aimless, unpromising stream of days
and nights and days. I am past my prime - a pitiable figure, a has been who
never was, a loser and a failure (and not only by my inflated standards).
These facts are hard enough to face when one is not burdened with a
grandiose False Self and a sadistic inner voice (Superego). I have both.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissistreal.html

I feel entitled to more. I feel it is my right - due to my intellectual
superiority - to lead a thrilling, rewarding, kaleidoscopic life. I feel
entitled to force life itself, or, at least, people around me - to yield to
my wishes and needs, supreme among them the need for stimulating variety.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/entitlement.html

Question:

I met many narcissists who are modest – even self-effacing. This seems to
conflict with your observations. How do you reconcile the two?

Answer:

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq36.html

To avoid the agonizing realization of his failed, defeat-strewn, biography,
the narcissist resorts to reality-substitutes. The dynamics are simple: as
the narcissist grows older, his Sources of Supply become scarcer, and his
Grandiosity Gap yawns wider. Mortified by the prospect of facing his
actuality, the narcissist withdraws ever deeper into a dreamland of
concocted accomplishments, feigned omnipotence and omniscience, and brattish
entitlement.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal74.html

The manic phase of Bipolar I Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic
Personality Disorder (NPD).

Bipolar patients in the manic phase exhibit many of the signs and symptoms
of pathological narcissism - hyperactivity, self-centeredness, lack of
empathy, and control freakery. During this recurring chapter of the disease,
the patient is euphoric, has grandiose fantasies, spins unrealistic schemes,
and has frequent rage attacks (is irritable) if her or his wishes and plans
are (inevitably) frustrated.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal71.html

The narcissist's very self is a piece of fiction concocted to fend off hurt
and to nurture the narcissist's grandiosity. He fails in his "reality
test" - the ability to distinguish the actual from the imagined. The
narcissist fervently believes in his own infallibility, brilliance,
omnipotence, heroism, and perfection. He doesn't dare confront the truth and
admit it even to himself.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal75.html

The irony is that narcissists, who consider themselves worldly, discerning,
knowledgeable, shrewd, erudite, and astute - are actually more gullible than
the average person. This is because they are fake. Their self is false,
their life a confabulation, their reality test gone. They live in a fantasy
land all their own in which they are the center of the universe, admired,
feared, held in awe, and respected for their omnipotence and omniscience.

Continue to read this article here (click on this link):

http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissistgullible.html

Thought of a few more:

His relatives were always "honored" for being at the top of their field. (Policeman of the year, etc....)

He bragged he got "into see Dr. So-and-So," a prominent physician in the area. This Doc supposedly commented on N's "unique blood type." (?)

N likes to solicit local newspapers, thinking his pet is so amazing and deserving of articles written about it.

Claims to serve on various boards; these organizations would not be able function without his input.

This is a good thread,
I have a spin on it though, my NM tells everyone, that she has a life, that I have, that she is the person I am, (good mother, good person, etc)
And then spins that I am the horrible person she is. She sued me and my family, and tells everyone that will give two seconds of consideration that I am the one who did and does all the horrible stuff she does.
So...........my NM grandious visions, are to steal my identity as a person, and then use me as the "black sheep" bad one.
Its a nice spin, and apparently people buy it. I am in NC and have no relationship with the serpent because the damage that has been done, is irreversable, and would just lead to more of the same.
My NM thinks she is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
I think the dillussions of the N are so whacked and warped that they really believe their crap, and thats really sad.
Your all right, they make themselves into the person they wish they were or admire.
They "Steal" what ever qualities THEY feel would make them successful or important, because they are just "worms in the rocks". I really like that line, says alot about them as people.
Its sad really, cuz with all the braggin and smoke blowing, they are really just pathetic individuals without a life, or direction.
My NM is small, petty,selfish, toad that when I am in her company makes my skin crawl, and makes it hard to believe that there is any DNA that matches her ugliness. SHe is nasty and vial, and anyone who would give her a "crumb of consideration" is no one I would even spend two seconds having any conversation with.
I would walk the other way, and do.
Nice thread.

zanderman1 wrote:My elderly N mother is the LEAST GRANDIOSE and MOST HUMBLE person in the WHOLE WORLD! Just call her up and she'll tell you AAAALLLLLLLL about it, enumerating the various great achievements and personal qualities she has been NOTHING BUT HUMBLE about, and all the nice awards and ceremonies where her name was mentioned, or she was given special recognition, or something was done in her honor. And she NEVER WANTED ANY OF IT, she doesn't like all the attention on her, she's NEVER sought attention of any sort, blah blah blah. You want her phone #? I'm sure she'd LOVE to hear from you!

btw, she'll probably also tell you that she & I had a PERFECT relationship until she started receiving awards and recognition (which she NEVER WANTED) and I went NC because I'm jealous.

Coworker N is this type. he is SO HUMBLE!! Just an ordinary guy that happens to have a gift for helping people, a gift for building things, a gift for inventions, keeps his body up for his health, has a special relationship with God but there is no need to be jealous, BLAH BLAH BLAH!

Is sorta reverse psychology. Makes himself feel better about bragging by prefacing it with "But who am I to say so?" , etc.


UGH!!! It would almost be better if he just came out and said what he meant!

tish wrote:Coworker N is this type. he is SO HUMBLE!! Just an ordinary guy that happens to have a gift for helping people, a gift for building things, a gift for inventions, keeps his body up for his health, has a special relationship with God but there is no need to be jealous, BLAH BLAH BLAH!

Is sorta reverse psychology. Makes himself feel better about bragging by prefacing it with "But who am I to say so?" , etc.

UGH!!! It would almost be better if he just came out and said what he meant!

My ex was this way. Outside of sailing, he didn't exhibit much grandiosity. He was "humble." Well, in reality he was a covert N with a massive case of Passive Aggressive disorder. Probably the best I've ever met at it (and I've met some doozies - including my own struggles with it).

Stomach turning.

Mine was the cerebral type.

She had a University term paper due that she hadn't prepped for.

2 days before the paper was due, she took out 75 library books on the topic.

75

When they became late, she had to work out a payment plan.


I'm serious.

OMG! great thread! I got a chuckle reading everyone's replies!

My XN-

- He claimed he had thoughts that were so deep they couldn't be expressed or understood by anyone else but him.

- He referred to himself as "THE MAN" He would often ask me how it felt to know i was dating "THE MAN" ummm...not so good..

-He often bragged about how much money he made and how much he had in the bank. Of course he had money in the bank...HE WAS CHEAP! He would wear sock until they disintegrated!

-He truly believes he's going to be famous on day and God forbid anyone tells him any different.

- He told me he had been in the military. He never made it to bootcamp.

-According to him there was nothing he wasn't good at. But yet he couldn't figure out how to heat up a frozen meal in the microwave.

-He is the greatest lover that ever existed. No one would ever be able to please me like him he could. The reality is the sex was void of emotion he was sexually addicted and obsessed and often pushed the envelope into uncomfortable territories. That's not pleasing, that's scary!