Psychopath and Narcissist Survivors Support Group

seekingserenity · Joined: 14 Mar 2007 Posts: 179

I need to add something to my last post: I have been sick all year that my daughter has had an N for a teacher. I've looked into changing preschools, etc. I weighed the pros and cons. There are other teachers at the school who are good, and my daughter is not with that particular teacher all of the time. So we decided to keep her there, rather than disrupt her with a move. Again, I'm glad that the school year is coming to a close. I have felt badly that she had this teacher.

S

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 488

SpiritShell: I will give you a tip on music. You can practice all you want, learn every scale, every chord, dive into theory but it aint going to help you. I tried the conventional route and it I can't deny it was helpful (particularly having a good technique) but I improved in leaps and bounds when I stopped practicing and stopped forcing the issue. I only played when I felt like it.

The key to music is rhythm and space. You don't have to play like Eddie Van Halen to sound good. Two or three notes (or chords), hit 'em hard, hit 'em soft, play 'em fast, play 'em slow and the best sound of all is silence. Piece of cake.

Don't ask me about singing.

Sounds like a smart move to leave the kid at the school SS. You can't escape 'em.

SpiritShell · Joined: 24 Mar 2007 Posts: 377 Location: Canada

Quite right. I was never into forcing the issue. Well.. when I was, like with my second bout of guitar lessons, nothing stuck. Its one of those things thats gotta flow naturally. Lol, I shall not ask you about singing. I did find those lessons helpful though. Stance, breathing, cue, etc. Plus then I was on the spot.. if it were just me alone I never would've tried.. I thought I had to throw myself into the water before I would learn to swim and I was right.

Cricket - wow. That really is something. I have two guesses - musical enjoyment and preference is a sign of individuality and your NM didn't want that in you. And maybe it really did bug her.. I believe music can be stimulating on an emotional level, and being reminded of human emotions probably annoyed her.

Serenity - hope those 4 weeks go by quickly for you.
_________________
"Why are narcissists not prone to suicide? Simple: they died a long time ago."

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 488

I had lessons and I made slow progress but progress nonetheless. My biggest problem was that I was very self-concious in my expression. Once you lose some and eventually all of that self-conciousness you aint got nothing holding you back (bar physical constraints). All of a sudden it becomes easy, easy as 1-2-3 pie.

I think you are on the money about our chirpin' Arthropod. Our twisted folks tried their very best to kill our individuality. Child abuse is criminal behaviour, there should be strict laws against it. How is it my friend gets locked up for not paying parking fines and skipping his court date and my father kills the souls of his family and is a free man? We all know life is unjust but it still riles me a bit.

seekingserenity · Joined: 14 Mar 2007 Posts: 179

I know what you mean Thayilflies about child abuse. There ought to be more strict laws against it. It seems that the sick, twisted parents are given so much permission to do anything just because they are parents. It's like they (our parents) get a license to abuse just because they figured out how to make a baby. There are many emotionally and mentally sick, abusive adults in the world today -- most likely victims of child abuse themselves.

SpiritShell · Joined: 24 Mar 2007 Posts: 377 Location: Canada

So true. Here in Canada its infuriatingly lax to the abusive parents sometimes. My B and SIL are trying to adopt their neice... she is 4, her parents are both crackheads who beat her and neglected her and they even suspect sold her to a pedophile once or twice to buy drugs. The law is sometimes still so SICKENLY on her side .. they go through so much pain and effort simply to give her a happy bloody home, but social services gives the mother so many chances no matter how often she's drugged up, nowhere to be found, or just ignoring her own daughter on visits. The dad (SILs brother) has been out of the picture for a while.. drugged up somewhere down south.

Me too Thayilflies, thats what it is completely - self-consiousness with expressing myself. Its improved some, but every now again I'll be singing fine but then I feel self-consious and my throat downright tightens. Our NPs didn't like us expressing ourselves, huh, thats why its a trial. Glad you've gotten past it.. I'm sure you kick ass at the guitar. What do you like to play?
_________________
"Why are narcissists not prone to suicide? Simple: they died a long time ago."

thayilflies · Joined: 16 Feb 2007 Posts: 488

SeekingSerenity, right you are. Because someone is a "parent" they seem to be free to do what they want, the law protects the parent rather than the child. Our legal system and social structure is flawed in many ways. That is an understatement. Child abuse is an issue that needs attention, my grandfather advocated parenting licenses where permission must be granted to bear a child. A friend of mine's mother is crazy, I don't no what "PD" she would come under but she is mentally ill and on a lot of meds and she was permitted to adopt a special needs child. When I asked him "how?" he told me at the time she was off the meds and passed whatever criteria they have. It is sick.

Spirit, I still have a few issues with self-conciousness when I play. If I feel self-concious I don't even bother playing because I know it aint going to work. If your body is tense and your fingers are tense your playing will be ordinary and the creative juices wont flow. This is more than half the battle, relaxing your fingers and clearing your mind.

What do I like to play? I don't play covers and I don't learn songs, I prefer to tinker around and if I get a tune in my head I might reproduce it. I'm unsure if I'm rock and roll or jazz, traditionally I've been influenced by blues rock but I'm starting to get a feel for jazz and I spent a year studying jazz theory so although I couldn't play jazz in a band today, the foundations are there - I just need to put time into it. Unlike blues/rock, jazz is complicated and needs to be studied. I guess my method is to work around the blues and move into rock or jazz from there. I don't have an electric guitar so I'm limited to acoustic which is restricting - there is only so much you can do with an acoustic - plug in and you open up whole new worlds of sound.

If I make a career out of music I think I could go down either route: rock or jazz. It may come down to lifestyle choice.