I have only recently stumbled upon the information on narcissistic parents. I have read enough for it to ring true.
I 'm a successful business women but my insightful boss has recently provided me with an exec coach and we have been exploring emotional intelligence. I read "the games people play" and a light bulb went on. A few more searches and I found children of narcissistic parents. The rest as they say is history.
I was 7 when my eldest sister left home at 17. Pregnant and into abussive relationship, she became a heron addict. Initially My parents vilified the sister I had adored and considered to be my carer. My parents grief for my sister leaving was profound. All I remember was silence, tears and I felt I could do nothing to make things better. At 7 how could I make it better? My sister was destined for great things but the evil man changed her.
My other sister left home at 17 to live in a damp flat. But she told me she needed to be away from home. I was 9.
My parents were looking after my grandmother who was dieing from cancer and all I could feel was resentment. It was like I didn't exist. But even as they looked after her they let it be known that she was a smoker and a drinker. In short her fault for dieing of cancer.
They bought me a pony, I had things but they never failed to tell me how expensive it was and how they couldn't afford it. I felt guilty for anything they gave me. I used to wish they wouldn't buy me anything because I couldn't handle the guilt.
My eldest sister was like a golden child that never was. She could have gone to Oxford University, she was so intelligent she never had to revise. I tried to live up to the myth that never was because my sister didn't go to university, she was a drug addict. But I wanted to please my parents. But I was not as intelligent as the myth. I had to work at it.
Since then my dad got arrested for shoplifting, he keyed his bosses car. All of this was dismissed as someone else's fault. I wanted so much to look up to my dad but he has struggled most of his life.
Now I feel I am too successful for my parents liking. They are jealous of me. I work hard, I love my kids but they criticise me any way. When they visit they seem to take pleasure in breaking things, telling me things have run out, making me feel guilty because I'm juggling so many balls and at times I'm not perfect.
I feel. Nothing for my mother who has told me I'm too fat, too thin, a ****. She never told me about pubity so that was a shock. She was more than happy for me to get married at 18 because that was "decent" and fit in to her romantic Ideals. In short I feel nothing and no matter how much I want to feel I'm numb.
My father stood by. I wanted him to stand up for me and in private he did but now he is just as bad.
It seems futile for me to ask you whether my parents may be narcissists but ask I will. I am seriously considering reducing any involvement with them. It feels so cold but I am at a point that I can't see positives from the interaction. But the worst thing is I am left wondering if I Am I the one that is narcissist. Is this natural?